Queer guys

Wednesday One-Liners Failed Third Grade, Just Like Einstein

Queer: Fuck you! I’m a smart gay!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Keesha Brown

Accidental ironist: Yeah, obviously he has no sense of smartness.

–68th & Lex

Overheard by: Casti

Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I’m too smart to erase more than that.

–Chinatown bus

Girl on cell: They said that I’m smart, and that I can articulate well. But I’m not… you know… Oh, whatever.

–Queensboro Community College

Overheard by: LizDayglow

Tween boy to dad: I’m looking for a girl who’s younger and smarter.

–71st & West End

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Any Alley Will Do

Drunk queer #1: Hey, let’s get some food!
Drunk queer #2: I don’t have any money!
Drunk queer #1: That’s alright. Papi will pay…if you nibble his foreskin!
Drunk queer #2: Alright. Where do you wanna go?

–17th & 5th

From the Possibly Apocryphal Sondheim Project "Where There’s Fags There’s Fire"

Gay in cab: Hey, look, it’s a fiiireman!
Fireman: Hey, it’s a fag in a cab!
Gay in cab: Are there any more firemen?
Fireman: Are there any more fags in the cab?

–319 W 48th St

Overheard by: gianni jones

And the Condoms, Lube, and Enema Kits

Queer #1: This place is terrible.
Queer #2: I know.
Queer #1: I hate Duane Reade.
Queer #2: Yeah, me too.
Queer #1: And yet I love it… it’s like an abuse relationship you just can’t get over.
Queer #2: Yeah.
Queer #1: Everytime I come in here, I see all these people who are like, I really don’t want to be here right now. [Pause. Dionne Warwick is playing.] Must be the music.

–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: NYU girl

This Was at the Heart of the Dispute Between Edison and Tesla

Queer #1: Ann and Leslie are here.
Queer #2: Shit, are they lesbians?
Queer #1: Yeah.
Queer #2: Uh, I’m a D.C. gay. I don’t hang out with lesbians.

–3rd & B

The Jell-O of Sex

Queer #1: I’m stuffed.
Queer #2: Yeah. I’m not gonna put another thing in my mouth tonight unless it’s a cock.

–18th & 8th

No One Ever Admits They’re Looking for the Cock

Abercrombie teen #1: I know it’s in this neighborhood and it’s definitely below Fourth Street.
Queer: Where ju wanna go, honny? Da Cock is down ovah dere.
Abercrombie teen #2: Uh, we’re not looking for the Cock.
Queer: Den ju should go home and change ju clothes!

–2nd Ave & 3rd St

Overheard by: Manhattman

It Was Just Experimenting in College

Girl: I’m up for anything. You gotta change it up. I just don’t want to date a guy who’s a stick-in-the-mud.
Guy: Well, I can assure you, my stick has been out of the mud for some time now.

–Battery Park

My Flight to Siberia Leaves in an Hour

Optimist queer: You should be happy. Not all the people in the world are out to get you. Why not just be nice?
Pessimist queer: Whenever I’m nice to people, they spit in my eye, fuck me up my ass, and kick it all the way to Siberia.
Optimist queer: So when was the last time someone fucked you up your ass?
Pessimist queer: An hour ago.

–Sutphin & Hillside, Jamaica

Overheard by: ting

Still Better Than the Peritonitis Story He’s Not Telling

Barista: What happened to your fist?
Queer: An AC bit it.
Barista: Really?
Queer: Yeah.
Barista: Nice story.
Queer: Well, it’s better than my story before.
Barista: Which was?
Queer: I told people it was a fisting accident: he sneezed! People didn’t respond too well.

–St. Marks

Overheard by: fran

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