It's Like Riding a Moped… Fun Till Your Friends See You

Overweight effeminate guy: Listen, if I'm gonna have sex with a fat chick, no one is gonna know about it.
Fag hag: Well, what's the point if no one will ever know?

–W Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Dopeman

Headline by: winona

Runners-Up:
· “For the Tax Deduction.” – KJM
· “I Prefer My Charitable Donations to Be Anonymous” – Give’til it hurts
· “It Builds Character?” – Underweight effeminate guy
· “See If the Judge Will Take It As Your Community Service” – Kenneth
· “Shake Your Harpoon and Say, “Thar, She Blew Me”” – Professor Coldheart
· “Why Billy Wasn’t Able To Stay in the Closet for Very Long” – J

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 22, 2008
Diet/Weight, Fag Hags, Fat People, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Offers and requests, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, The Village

And All That Blue

WASP to stodgy husband, after Blue Man Group performance: So how'd you like it?
Stodgy husband (grunting): Fine, except for the excessive noise.

–Astor Theatre, SoHo

Overheard by: ysabet

Posted on September 21, 2008
Couples, Default, Gripes, Men, Questions, Soho, Theater & Dance, White People, Women

That Does Explain Your Consistently Bad Breath

Jersey chick: Is it weird that I want to put it in my mouth?
Guy: Yes.
Jersey chick: I just like want to put it in my mouth to see its consistency.

–NYU

Overheard by: Jesse D

Posted on September 21, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Girls, Guys, NYU, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

White Guys Are Held to a Pretty Low Standard

Man holding ankle boot and laughing: This is fashion?
Offended fashionista: How many pairs of Crocs do you own?

–Barneys Co-Op

Posted on September 20, 2008
Clothing, Default, Fashion, Fashionistas, Men, Questions, Store

What Do You Think Food Stamps Are For?

Girl #1: You are so drunk, aren't you? How many beers did you have?
Girl #2: Yeah, I had six beers!
Girl #1: No you didn't! You can't afford six beers!

–Shea Stadium

Posted on September 20, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Girls, Money & Class, Questions, Shea Stadium

Wait'll You See My Passenger Pigeon Underpants!

Stupid girl: I really like your scarf.
Other girl: Thanks! It's wool and bunny fur.
Stupid girl: Animal killer!
Other girl: No, I think they shave them.
Stupid girl: Oh.
Other girl: Yeah, and it's houndstooth, so I really like it.
Stupid girl: How many animals do you have in there?

–Elevator, 41st & 3rd

Posted on September 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Compliments, Default, Elevators, Girls, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Words

But I May Need an Emergency Guava Later

Older mother: Do you need a pomegranate, or are you good?
Teen: I'm good.

–Fruit Cart, 18th & 6th

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on September 19, 2008
Default, Grocery Stores, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, Questions, Teens

Could You Stop Demonstrating on Me?

Nursing student: Can anyone on this bus tell me why my teacher stuck his bare ungloved finger up this guy's rectum?!
(a couple of seconds later)
Nursing student: I saw some lady's uterus fall out of her vagina today, while giving birth.
Nurse also on bus: You are being really inappropriate today.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Audrey

Posted on September 19, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Education, Etiquette, Nurses, On the Bus, Port Authority, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Students, Weirdness

Almost Nobody Ever Understands English

Conductor: Please do not hold the doors. (pause) Get out of the door, please. (long pause) Get out of the fucking doors, please. (pause) Jesus, don't you people understand English here?
Blonde: Somebody needs to get laid, bad.

–1 Train

Overheard by: pierre

Posted on September 18, 2008
Default, Girls, Insults, Language Barrier, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Stupidity, Subway conductors

Adam Smith's “Invisible Hand” at Work

Old grimy man to cute young bartender: Will you marry me?
Bartender: No!
Old man: I'll pay you.
Bartender: How much?
Old man: $30,000.
Bartender: Ummm… No, I would need at least 3 million.
Old man (shaking his head and talking to himself): I don't get it. It's just not fair. $30,000 is a lot of money.

–Cobblestones Pub

Overheard by: kapnasty

Headline by: hearer

Runners-Up:
· “From the Pilot for “X-Rated Price Is Right”” – BobBugger
· “Just Go Home, Mr. Hefner.” – playgeezer
· “The Market Ain’t What It Used to Be” – Rob
· “Well If You Won’t Marry Me, Will You at Least Be My Running Mate?” – Michelle
· “When Did Heather Mills Start Bartending?” – Paul Ferris

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 18, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Compare/Contrast, Headline Contest Winners, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Old People, Queens, Questions, Wishes & desires

Questions