Wednesday One-Liners Are Bursting with Fruit Flavor

Punk rocker to ghetto chick: Say…you ever been fucked by a smelly guy in a banana suit?

–J Train

Overheard by: Markthrone

Loud, laughing redhead on cell: Ha ha! I'll plant another pear tree, and that will be Tricia!

–W 57th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Brosef to girls (oddly aggressively): Which do you like more, bananas or oranges? Say it!

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rooting for bananas

Guy on cell: Did you order the poster of the banana?

–Central Park

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Overachiever mom to 5-year-old girl: No, I'm not saying that you have to have a piece of fruit. I'm saying that when we get there, you'll get to choose. It'll be your choice. You can choose fruit or you can choose a granola bar. (pause) Of course, fruit is the healthier choice.

–7th Ave & 26th St

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Heavily tattooed man: So we started playing this game. We shoved grapes up her ass, and she had to drop them in a martini glass.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Housey

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Fruit, Guys, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)?

Russian woman to fat guy (after he yelled at her): Escooz me, cood you please poot your ass out of ze vindow so I can seet? (fat guy remains seated)

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Gay: Your ass looks great! Have you started bottoming?

–Christopher St Pier

Young kid: 14th Street, like her ass on my face.

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Pza

20-something gay suit: My butt always causes friction.

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Sorority hungover girl talking about birth: I came out ass first, isn't that typical?

–Denny's

Guy to chick: We will use your ass as a presentational ass.

–Weight Room, Coles Gym

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen girl to friend: I feel like my butt just came off. You ever feel like that?

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Alison

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Elevators, Fitness, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Queer guys, Queers, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

He'd Stuff Your Pockets With Third World Babies

Dork #1: Dude, I think I just saw Brad Pitt!
Dork #2: What? Where?
Dork #1: Over there on the bench! It's him!
Dork #2: No way!
Dork #1: Yes it is! It's Brad Pitt!
Dork #2: I don't believe you! Why don't you go ask him?
Dork #1: Dude, you just don't go up to someone and ask if they're Brad Pitt.

–Columbia University

Posted on September 23, 2008
About Celebrities, Columbia University, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Lies, Offers and requests, Questions

Makes Me Feel As Warm and Tingly As a Yeast Infection

Post grad #1: Can't you just come work at planned parenthood with me?
Post grad #2: No, I just need to become a prostitute to make ends meet. Oh my god! Then I could come to planned parenthood to have all my STDs treated!

–105st & Amsterdam

Posted on September 23, 2008
Default, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, Prostitution, Questions, STDs, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Such a Great Country in Which to Be Homeless

Blonde chick: Where do you want to get brunch?
British boyfriend: I don't care, anywhere really…
Hobo in Saudi head wrap: Ahh, the youth of America, just shopping and fucking!

–Carmine & Bedford

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on September 23, 2008
Boyfriends, Brits, Default, Food, Girlfriends, Hobos, Questions, Sex, Shopping, West Village

I Don't Really Think You Have the IQ of a Semi-Retarded Iguana

Girl, as train stops: What did you just say?
Guy : …oh. Did I say that out loud?

–B Train

Overheard by: mayafied

Posted on September 23, 2008
Default, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness

Laugh While You Can, Stupid Americans! Oh, Sorry…

Arabic professor: “Qadam” means foot. How do you say more than one foot?
Male student: Feet.
(class laughs)
Arabic professor: In Arabic.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on September 23, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fordham, Guys, Languages, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Doesn't Explain the Colonel Sanders Suit, Though

British chick: Do you think that you have an accent?
American guy: I've moved around a lot, so I've got a pretty basic American dialect. I've got a bit of a southern drawl, but that's more because I'm lazy.

–R Train

Posted on September 22, 2008
Brits, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Languages, On the Subway, Questions, U.S. Geography

We're on the Verge of a Liberal Education Here

Student #1: What does “NB” stand for, at the end?
Student #2: Tuberculosis.
Student #1: That's “TB”, idiot.

–Newman Vertical Campus, Baruch College

Overheard by: I thought that stood for TELLYtuBBies!

Posted on September 22, 2008
College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Illness, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Students, Words

I May Have Overlooked the Free Beating I'm About to Administer

7-year old looking at toy ad: I want this and this…
Dad: Do you have money to buy them? Because I am not going to, and nothing in life is free.
7-year old: What about those papers you take every morning from that man? You don't pay him.
(dad goes quiet)

–5 Train

Overheard by: Guy

Posted on September 22, 2008
Comebacks, Dads, Default, Free stuff!, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Questions, Wishes & desires

Questions