Wannabe rap superstar: Yo, wanna buy this CD?
Middle aged white guy: What are the beats like?
Wannabe rap superstar: (silence)
Middle aged white guy: Are they like (starts beat-boxing)?
Wannabe rap superstar: No. (leaves)
–96th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: sure they weren't
Drunken woman: So why did you decide to marry her?
Drunken man: Because she just moved in!
–Ayza Wine & Chocolate Bar
Overheard by: Colleen
(after a performance of Hair)
Woman: What was your favorite part?
Four-year-old girl: I liked all the parts.
Six-year-old girl: I liked the naked part.
–Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Tween boy #1: Did you see her monkey?
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey?
Tween boy #1: The monkey in her pants, tard.
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey in her pants?
Tween boy #1: You need to watch more porn.
Tween boy #2: Porn with monkeys? My brother is right, I'm not ready for any of this.
–D Train
Overheard by: BobK
Guy (smelling weed, to male friend): Hey man, you smell that?
Girl: Yeah, it smells like my dad.
–Terminal 5
Overheard by: Adam
College guy to eight-year-old boy: Is that your girlfriend? (points to eight-year-old girl playing in sprinklers)
Eight-year-old boy: No, I just like to get her wet.
–Central Park Playground
Tourist: Hi, what do we need to do to join the tour?
Tour guide: Well, there's an entrance exam.
Tourist: Really?
Tour guide: No. But based on this conversation, you would've failed.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Chuckles
(girl #1 is at the snack table, carefully wrapping cupcakes in napkins and putting them into her purse)
Girl #2 (looking at her): Graduate student?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Been there.
–House Party, Washington Heights
Overheard by: McFreaky
Christian pamphlet-wielder: Excuse me, would you like to learn about the rapture?
Exasperated 20-something: I swear, if I see one more of you beam-me-up ladies…
–Penn Station
Middle-aged woman (excitedly): So I met a great 75-year old man!
Middle-aged man (also excitedly): Are you going to marry him?
–W 13th St b/w 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: NYU girl
