Mom: How much is it?
Chick: A hundred and fifty bucks.
Mom: Let me pay.
Chick: Mom! No! Don’t give me any goddamn money!
Mom: Here, just take it, dammit!
Chick: Fine, but I’m paying for the taxi home.
Mom: I can’t believe Michael puts up with you. You are so divorced in
five years.
–The Gap, 18th & 5th
Guy: Yo, where's your boyfriend at?
Girl: He's at his house.
Guy: Tell him I hate him!
–W 207th St & Cooper St
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Guy: My wife doesn’t like my tattoos.
Woman next to him: I’ve always thought that marriage should be like a driver’s license. You can either renew it after five years… or not.
–F Train
Man on cell: Good morning! How are you?
Man: Tell me the bad news…
Man: No, really… Tell me the bad news
Man: You’re PREGNANT? How did that happen?
Man: I know how it happened…but I mean…I thought you were on the pill!
Man: Well, what are we going to do about this? [pause] I can’t have a kid with you. [pause] I’M MARRIED!
–47th & Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Cynthia Frawley
Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming
Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.
–Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Michelle
Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship.
–Borders, 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: with a K
Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Alexandra
Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?
–2nd St & 1st Ave
Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: buffalo
Chick: My boyfriend told me that we shouldn’t keep our bank accounts together anymore. That way, when he bought the ring it would come out of his money, not our money.
Coworker: Awww, that’s sweet! What did you say?
Chick: I said that was a good idea… Which it is, because we’ll have to do it eventually when we break up. There is no way I’m gonna marry him.
–Vesey & West Side Hwy
Overheard by: On the periphery
Guy: I went out with this girl recently, she was nice. I'm gonna see if she calls.
Girl: What? You're not gonna call her?
Guy: I think it takes some effort on her part, she should text or call and say thank you.
Girl: I usually do it the night of the date, saying thank you.
Guy: I think that's a sign that she doesn't like me.
Girl: I don't think so.
–LIRR
Cashier #1: So then where did you go?
Cashier #2: He took me up to the roof.
Cashier #1: Girl, you are so lucky! He sounds so romantical.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that’s how I like it.
–C Town Supermarket, Queens
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Girl#1: And he was all like, “Boo hoo, I wish you were here to take care of me. Come snuggle.”
Girl#2: Aww! That’s sweet.
Girl#1: Ew! No it’s not! [after rolling eyes and taking sip of coffee] that’s what his fucking wife is for…
Girl#2: I… Do you hear yourself?
Girl#1: Fuck you!
–NYU
Conductor #1: This is 34th Street. Transfer is available to the B, Q, D…B…Q…Penn Station…D–
Conductor #2: Move over. D, Q, N, R. Stand clear.
–F train
Overheard by: Cole Couture
Hipster: Did the train just pass 28th street?
Woman: Yes, it went express, but you could get off at 14th and switch to the uptown train.
Homeboy: Or you could take your chances, break the window with a crowbar and jump out now.
–1 train
Overheard by: Hayley
Man: This won’t do. All bad smelling people get the hell off the train.
At the next stop most of the car clears out.
Man: That’s what I’m talking about.
–A train
A Black kid and his Hispanic girlfriend are arguing on the train. The kid is holding her in the seat and she is trying to rip off his shirt. The entire car is watching, as if it were a car wreck.
Hispanic girl: You’re always showing off!
Black kid: What?
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black passenger guy: Man, why’s it always gotta be our people pulling this shit? You never see White people pulling this shit. You never see Chinese people pulling this shit. Man!
–C train
Two women were sitting next to each other, one clearly from New York, the other not. The tourist woman gestured with her chin at the conductor’s booth and asked: Is that the bathroom?
–A train
