It’s Not You, It’s Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.

–Stone St.

Overheard by: Jen

Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?

–F Train

Overheard by: dianora

13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?

–Thompson Street, The Village

Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!

–8th St Park

Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!

–Outside the Frick Museum

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!

–E 4th Street

Overheard by: Nima Shirazi

Posted on November 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Free stuff!, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Shoes, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Since You Treat Him Like Shit

Girl #1: On Facebook, there's this girl that Matt went to a concert with over the summer, and she keeps poking him.
Girl #2: Ew! Okay, I'd be worried about that if I were you.

–Elevator, Barnard College

Posted on November 15, 2014
Columbia (& Barnard), Elevators, Facebook, Girls, Music, Relationships

Wednesday One-liners After Dark

Girl on cell: So I was talking shit and then, of course, we started getting it on, like always.

–Rivington & Attorney

Woman on cell: Ooh…somebody has a hangover…you have that scratchy-come-fuck-me voice…oh, I love it!

–W. 21st between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Charlie Samuels

Posted on November 12, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Relationships, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Rob the Cradle

Teen: I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin…how sick is that??

–Simon Baruch Middle School

Overheard by: the art major

Random old guy: The only thing I like more than children is more children.

–Barnes & Noble, 83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Maianess

20-something guy to friend, casually: Oh, yeah, and the high school girl doesn't want a relationship.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: rachelandkaceyfuckup

Hipster girl to a group of friends: I can't date him. It would be like dating a kid, and not like in a really good way. (awkward silence) Uhm, not that there is a really good way to date a kid.

–Grand Central Station

Guy: You can do that to a girl but you can't do that to a guy! That's child molestation!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: inching away

Professor: Did I ever tell you? I used to work at a carnival operating the kiddie rides. (laughs) And no! I never became a pedophile!

–Wagner College

Overheard by: good to know

Posted on November 9, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Dating, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Harassment, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Relationships, Robbing the Cradle, School, Store, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Without Throwing Up

Queer #1: I am sorry, I did not mean it.
Queer #2 (angrily): What do you mean you didn’t mean it? You told me that you loved me. You can’t just take that back!
Queer #1: Sorry.
Queer #2: What do you mean you’re sorry!?
(pause for a block)
Queer #1: Thanks for the help. Now I feel ready to tell Brian.

–Univeristy Place &14th St

Posted on November 5, 2014
Apologies, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Love, Queer guys, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Words

Guys: Lucky Thirteen

Tall B&T girl: So then we made out and were all over each other and it was all PDA, and then we lost our virginities to each other. And I felt guilty because I was, like, 18, and he was, like, a minor.
Short B&T girl: Well how old was he?
Tall B&T girl: (silence)
Short B&T girl: Come on, most guys are like 15 when they lose their virginity.
Tall B&T girl: He was thirteen.
Short B&T girl: Oh.

–75th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on November 4, 2014
Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Questions, Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity

A Meeting of the Spring Street Young Republicans Club

Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Matrix. And whenever we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cooking. Then we put them back. They shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets…ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea until they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that's a bit more humane, I guess.

–Spring & Varick

Posted on November 2, 2014
Gender issues, Guys, Movies, Relationships, Soho, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

And Bonded Over Munchausen by Proxy

Girl #1: Where'd they meet? She had to have met him in a hospital!
Girl #2: No, they met on JDate.

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Posted on October 28, 2014
Girls, Health and Hygiene, Internet, Medicine, Questions, Relationships, Union Square and East Village

When I Say “No Tracheotomy,” I Mean It

Woman #1: After that Oprah, I knew we needed to work at our problems.
Woman #2: Good for you, good for you.
Woman #1: Yeah, I was like “Nigga, you better get up off me, take this knife off my throat, and use some motherfuckin words.”
Woman #2: Girl. Just like Rihanna.

–Escalator, Penn Station

Overheard by: JHillary

Posted on October 25, 2014
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Penn Station, Relationships, TV, Violence, Women, Words

Relationships