Blonde hoochie: You know, since that night, every time I wipe my tush I feel like my asshole got stretched.
Quiet brunette friend: … Sometimes I wonder how you became my friend.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Blonde hoochie: You know, since that night, every time I wipe my tush I feel like my asshole got stretched.
Quiet brunette friend: … Sometimes I wonder how you became my friend.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Girl: Whatever, tell your brother to go back to prison, learn how to read, and then he can talk to me.
Guy: But you egged his car! You egged his fucking car! What kind of bitch eggs someone’s car?
–26th & 8th
Overheard by: Emily Ackerman
Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.
–Stone St.
Overheard by: Jen
Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?
–F Train
Overheard by: dianora
13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?
–Thompson Street, The Village
Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!
–8th St Park
Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!
–Outside the Frick Museum
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!
–E 4th Street
Overheard by: Nima Shirazi
Girl #1: On Facebook, there's this girl that Matt went to a concert with over the summer, and she keeps poking him.
Girl #2: Ew! Okay, I'd be worried about that if I were you.
–Elevator, Barnard College
Girl on cell: So I was talking shit and then, of course, we started getting it on, like always.
–Rivington & Attorney
Woman on cell: Ooh…somebody has a hangover…you have that scratchy-come-fuck-me voice…oh, I love it!
–W. 21st between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Charlie Samuels
Teen: I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin…how sick is that??
–Simon Baruch Middle School
Overheard by: the art major
Random old guy: The only thing I like more than children is more children.
–Barnes & Noble, 83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Maianess
20-something guy to friend, casually: Oh, yeah, and the high school girl doesn't want a relationship.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: rachelandkaceyfuckup
Hipster girl to a group of friends: I can't date him. It would be like dating a kid, and not like in a really good way. (awkward silence) Uhm, not that there is a really good way to date a kid.
–Grand Central Station
Guy: You can do that to a girl but you can't do that to a guy! That's child molestation!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: inching away
Professor: Did I ever tell you? I used to work at a carnival operating the kiddie rides. (laughs) And no! I never became a pedophile!
–Wagner College
Overheard by: good to know
Queer #1: I am sorry, I did not mean it.
Queer #2 (angrily): What do you mean you didn’t mean it? You told me that you loved me. You can’t just take that back!
Queer #1: Sorry.
Queer #2: What do you mean you’re sorry!?
(pause for a block)
Queer #1: Thanks for the help. Now I feel ready to tell Brian.
–Univeristy Place &14th St
Tall B&T girl: So then we made out and were all over each other and it was all PDA, and then we lost our virginities to each other. And I felt guilty because I was, like, 18, and he was, like, a minor.
Short B&T girl: Well how old was he?
Tall B&T girl: (silence)
Short B&T girl: Come on, most guys are like 15 when they lose their virginity.
Tall B&T girl: He was thirteen.
Short B&T girl: Oh.
–75th & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Matrix. And whenever we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cooking. Then we put them back. They shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets…ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea until they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that's a bit more humane, I guess.
–Spring & Varick
Girl #1: Where'd they meet? She had to have met him in a hospital!
Girl #2: No, they met on JDate.
–3rd Ave & 13th St
