College girl on cell: I need that like I need a dick in the ass.
Random guy: I can help with that.
Girl, to guy: I was … being metaphysical … metaphorical?
Guy: I’ll take it either way.
Girl: Yeah, sarcastic … what she said [points to phone].
Guy: Well, I was being serious.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Lizzerd
Man on phone: So you know that guy whose mouth I farted in? He was totally at the bar last night.
–4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: not that guy
Hobo to his dog: Was that you who farted or me? Because I think it was you.
–67th & Amsterdam
NYU kid on cell: No, no, dude! You're not hearing me! I'm telling you that we were playing the game "I never" and the question was "I've never farted in an elevator" …yeah! I know! But here's the thing, dude! She claimed she'd never farted! (laughs) Nooo, dude! You heard me right: Never ever. And I gotta tell you, bro: it's creepin' me out!
–La Guardia b/w Bleecker & Houston
Overheard by: Elevator Bomb Dropper
Jealous guy: I hope her boyfriend farts in her face and she gets pink eye.
–L Train
Woman on cell: Now, honey, tell the truth. Did you fart on Santa's lap?
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Unfortunate-looking guy: …and I met this girl there so I'm pretty excited to go back.
Female friend: Is she blind?
Unfortunate-looking guy: No, she's actually a brunette and she's got freckles.
Female friend: No, I asked you if she was blind.
Unfortunate-looking guy: I missed you so much.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Lauren
Drunk guy: Why should I invite you up to my apartment?
Drunk girl: Because I’m beautiful ASSHOLE!
–80th & 2nd
Hobo: Give Germany brain cancer! Fire laser beams into the back of the brain of Germany! Men, women, retarded children! Make Germany lose their memory!
–New York Public Library
Guido on cell: Write this down. It’s P, O, A with two dots on it, N, G. It’s a chair. Poang. Two dots. Two dots. Above. How the fuck should I know? It’s Swedish.
–IKEA, Elizabeth
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
JAP: OK, Brittney, so he got blown up in Israel. Everyone gets blown up in Israel!
–Harry’s Burritos, Thompson & 3rd
Queer: See, the problem is, you go to France and there are a ton of cute guys, but they’re all French. You go to Italy, cute guys everywhere, but they’re all Italian.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: Jack Lienke
Guy on cell: If I made out with a Venezuelan, does that mean I’m on a government watch list?
–49th & 9th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Barista: Can you grab me a tall Ethiopian by the neck?
–Starbucks, Grand Central
Suit on cell: And I said, fuck, yeah, it was the best damn sushi I ever had! Who gives a fuck if we were in Alabama… those fuckers were still Japanese, you know?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Who doesn’t love the South?
Guy: I only go down if there's reciprocity.
Girl: Oh, you and your rules.
–Union Square
Girl: When I found out he was all about sex, the crush was all over.
Dude: Oh, come on. I’m sure he’s more mature now.
Girl: Why are you trying to pawn me off on all these guys? I mean, come on, sex is not cool.
Dude: Why are we friends?
–Cafe Esperanto
Brunette: You and your boyfriend make a cute couple!
Blonde: Ugh! Why do people keep saying that?
Brunette: So why are you with him?
Blonde: Well, you know… Whenever I need a little… (gestures “cash”)
Brunette: Oh! Did I tell you about sugardaddy.com?
Blonde: I made a profile yesterday!
Brunette: Yes!
(girls laugh and high-five)
–6 Train
Overheard by: poor guy
Blonde hoochie: You know, since that night, every time I wipe my tush I feel like my asshole got stretched.
Quiet brunette friend: … Sometimes I wonder how you became my friend.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Girl: Whatever, tell your brother to go back to prison, learn how to read, and then he can talk to me.
Guy: But you egged his car! You egged his fucking car! What kind of bitch eggs someone’s car?
–26th & 8th
Overheard by: Emily Ackerman
