Drunk guy: Why should I invite you up to my apartment?
Drunk girl: Because I’m beautiful ASSHOLE!
–80th & 2nd
Drunk guy: Why should I invite you up to my apartment?
Drunk girl: Because I’m beautiful ASSHOLE!
–80th & 2nd
Hobo: Give Germany brain cancer! Fire laser beams into the back of the brain of Germany! Men, women, retarded children! Make Germany lose their memory!
–New York Public Library
Guido on cell: Write this down. It’s P, O, A with two dots on it, N, G. It’s a chair. Poang. Two dots. Two dots. Above. How the fuck should I know? It’s Swedish.
–IKEA, Elizabeth
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
JAP: OK, Brittney, so he got blown up in Israel. Everyone gets blown up in Israel!
–Harry’s Burritos, Thompson & 3rd
Queer: See, the problem is, you go to France and there are a ton of cute guys, but they’re all French. You go to Italy, cute guys everywhere, but they’re all Italian.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: Jack Lienke
Guy on cell: If I made out with a Venezuelan, does that mean I’m on a government watch list?
–49th & 9th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Barista: Can you grab me a tall Ethiopian by the neck?
–Starbucks, Grand Central
Suit on cell: And I said, fuck, yeah, it was the best damn sushi I ever had! Who gives a fuck if we were in Alabama… those fuckers were still Japanese, you know?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Who doesn’t love the South?
Guy: I only go down if there's reciprocity.
Girl: Oh, you and your rules.
–Union Square
Girl: When I found out he was all about sex, the crush was all over.
Dude: Oh, come on. I’m sure he’s more mature now.
Girl: Why are you trying to pawn me off on all these guys? I mean, come on, sex is not cool.
Dude: Why are we friends?
–Cafe Esperanto
Brunette: You and your boyfriend make a cute couple!
Blonde: Ugh! Why do people keep saying that?
Brunette: So why are you with him?
Blonde: Well, you know… Whenever I need a little… (gestures “cash”)
Brunette: Oh! Did I tell you about sugardaddy.com?
Blonde: I made a profile yesterday!
Brunette: Yes!
(girls laugh and high-five)
–6 Train
Overheard by: poor guy
Blonde hoochie: You know, since that night, every time I wipe my tush I feel like my asshole got stretched.
Quiet brunette friend: … Sometimes I wonder how you became my friend.
–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway
Girl: Whatever, tell your brother to go back to prison, learn how to read, and then he can talk to me.
Guy: But you egged his car! You egged his fucking car! What kind of bitch eggs someone’s car?
–26th & 8th
Overheard by: Emily Ackerman
Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.
–Stone St.
Overheard by: Jen
Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?
–F Train
Overheard by: dianora
13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?
–Thompson Street, The Village
Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!
–8th St Park
Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!
–Outside the Frick Museum
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!
–E 4th Street
Overheard by: Nima Shirazi
Girl #1: On Facebook, there's this girl that Matt went to a concert with over the summer, and she keeps poking him.
Girl #2: Ew! Okay, I'd be worried about that if I were you.
–Elevator, Barnard College
Girl on cell: So I was talking shit and then, of course, we started getting it on, like always.
–Rivington & Attorney
Woman on cell: Ooh…somebody has a hangover…you have that scratchy-come-fuck-me voice…oh, I love it!
–W. 21st between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Charlie Samuels
