Drunk girl: This fucking MetroCard doesn’t work?
Sober guy #1: The train is about to come, what’s taking you so long, bitch?
Drunk girl: Excuse me cute guy, can you help me?
Sober guy #2: Of course.
Drunk girl: You see, asshole? The cute guy helped me; I’m going to fuck him tonight.
–1st Avenue station
Girl #1: So did you guys fuck all night?
Girl #2: Yeah, till I had to stop to smoke a cigarette because I needed to throw up…I felt so fat just laying there while he rabbit-humped me.
–The Met
Overheard by: Aubrey DiScalo
Man: I’m kind of disturbed by the fact that I’ve wanted to listen to Morrissey lately.
Woman: We can go back to my place and listen to Morrissey later.
Man: No one has sex to Morrissey.
–The Raven, Avenue A
Guy: It was a good night! We saw the parade…we got drunk…I made out with a pregnant nun…
–Ben’s Pizza, Spring Street
Overheard by: A. Yanishevsky
Drunk girl: Hey, Red #2, where’s the rest of the pack?
Red crayon guy: Ooh, you’re a regular Dean Martin, aren’t you?
–Puck Fair, Lafayette Street
Guy on cell: Trick or treat, fucking witch!
–20th & Park
Overheard by: Pedro Lebron
Guy #1: I know it’s Halloween and this is the West Village, but do you faggots have to block the entire sidewalk?
Guy #2: Oh go sit on a cock.
Guy #1: Yeah, you’d like that.
–Christopher & Bedford
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Chick on cell: Wait, wait, he put what where?…Uh huh…Well it was
Halloween last night…And then he did what? He ate it? That must have tasted like shit, literally!
–F train
Hipster girl: You know that guy Adam? That I….screwed? Well, he got arrested on Halloween for having a gun that looked like a gun.
–Mercer & Waverly
Drunk guy #1: …and so she’s totally got clown makeup on from banging him the night before.
Drunk guy #2: Dude, rodeo clowns are tough shit.
–Fish Bar, E. 5th Street
Overheard by: Samantha
Girl: If you were going to die twenty minutes from now, what would
you do?
Guy #1: I’d take you into the back and do you. What about you?
Girl: Yeah, I’d probably have sex with you, too.
Guy #2: I think I’d rape someone.
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Girl: When we were younger, we totally took for granted the fun in playing Spin the Bottle…I would love to play now but it wouldn’t be the same.
Man: Yeah, playing now would just end with an abortion two months later.
Girl: Ugh.
–Broadway & 46th
Overheard by: Jeff Rigby
Jason Mraz: I pride myself on trying to be a normal guy–
Girl in audience: Let’s have sex!
Jason Mraz: –See, that’s not normal. Hey, and since this is technically my place of work, isn’t that sexual harrassment?
–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Amelia Stanley
Hippie guy on cell: Nathan, I don’t care how drunk you were, if you’re giving a blowjob, you know you’re giving a blowjob.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Mr. Donutsu
Guy on cell: When you get here I will make you breakfast sausage. And I am not talking euphemistically.
–63rd & 1st
Overheard by: Alison Foster
