College kid #1: So, dude, are you going to do it?
College kid #2: No! I am not going to have sex with my sister! [People waiting in line turn around to look] Awww, fuck.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: B-rett
College kid #1: So, dude, are you going to do it?
College kid #2: No! I am not going to have sex with my sister! [People waiting in line turn around to look] Awww, fuck.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: B-rett
Barnard girl: Yeah, so I'm minoring in African dance…
Guy: Oh.
Barnard girl: And homemaking. You know, knitting an crocheting and stuff…
Guy: Ohh…
Barnard girl: But my major is man-hating. Hardcore man-hating.
Guy: (silence)
Barnard girl: Just kidding. Math. I'm majoring in math.
–Starbucks, 113th & Broadway
Girl #1: And then he said that when he sees people, he likes to picture what kind of dog they’d be. Apparently I’m a Golden Retriever, and he’s a German Shepherd, and those breeds just don’t mix.
Gril #2: That is fucking messed up.
Girl #1: I know! He is so delusional! And he would so not be a German Shepherd.
Girl #2: No. (long pause) I wonder what type I’d be.
–Starbucks, 103rd & Broadway
Tourist Chick #1: There’s a subway on every corner in New York.
Tourist Chick #2: Really? Wow. How about the trains?
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: rei-ray
Woman: He’s so horny he’d fuck a venetian blind.
–Starbucks, UES
Chick #1: You shouldn’t have slept with him. You knew that would really hurt his girlfriend…
Chick #2: Yeah, I know, but we were both so high on coke that neither of us should be held responsible for our actions.
–Starbucks, 50th & 9th
Overheard by: sketchy
Barista: Would you like to try a cappuccino muffin?
Customer: No, thanks. I don’t want to start my appetite yet.
–Starbucks, 45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cat
Headline by: Mandaliet
Runners-Up:
· “And i don’t want to have to shove this down your fucking throat, but i will if… Whoa… Too much soft jazz, if you know what i mean… Sorry.” – Mike Chmiel
· “Its Bad Enough My Lungs Keep Breathing” – Chuckie
· “Stomach: Let’s Get Ready To Rummmmmmmble!” – Paul K.
· “The first step is admitting you have an appetite.” – greg
Female barista, scrubbing floor boards: I hate doing clean sweep ’cause I get all sweaty… Especially in my butt crack.
Male barista: You should employ the butt tissue. Just slip a paper towel in there at the start of the shift, and then just toss it at the end.
Female barista: I already do that.
Customer: Now that’s legendary service.
–Starbucks, 67th & Queens
Overheard by: sunnyvalesteve
Fashionable, skinny Latina: What don't you like about beer, then?
Even more fashionable, skinnier Latina: Ahhh–Corona. It has an odor. It smells like… fat men.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Tha WB
Coffee Barista: Would you like to try our new egg nog latte?
Dwarf: No thanks, I just want a tall coffee.
–Starbucks, UWS
