Starbucks

Young mother: You keep stepping on my flats! Ugh, I'm gonna kill you!
Teen girl: No you're not. If you didn't have me, you'd be a nun.

–Starbucks, 17th & Broadway

Overheard by: CreativeBunny

Blonde hoochie: You know, since that night, every time I wipe my tush I feel like my asshole got stretched.
Quiet brunette friend: … Sometimes I wonder how you became my friend.

–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Tourist #1, pointing to doughnut: Is this any good? Does it taste like bread?
Tourist #2: It kind of tastes like a jelly-filled doughnut, but without the jelly.
Tourist #1: Oooh.

–Starbucks, 100 Williams St

Pretentious NYU guy: You know what’s worse than being hypocritical? Going against your beliefs!
Friend: Ummm… That’s the definition of hypocritical.
Pretentious NYU guy: I know, but still.

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Girl #1: To tell the truth, I don't know why everyone's sad he's gone… He sounded like a horrible person. He wasn't exactly a faithful guy, from what I've heard.
Girl #2: Well, no, he only cheated on her once.
Girl #1: Once is one time too many! And he seems like the type to beat her, too.
Girl #2: No. Well, wait… He did… But it was only once.
Girl #2: Oh, okay! Only once…

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Itwasonlyonce

College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Noemi

Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.

–5 Train

20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: M

Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.

–Lower East Side

Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, "a-a-a-a-aaaah!" and "e-e-e-e-eeeeeee!"

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)

–Starbucks, 14th St

Overheard by: Elizabel

Subway musician: Y'all better be good 'cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that's between him and Mrs. Claus.

–W 4th St Subway Platform

Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm.

–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: ant

Hot chick to another: You're like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!

–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuck Bass

Teenager: Dude, my sister is always stealing her friends’ books, but like, sometimes no one has the book she wants, how much easier would it be if there was like, a Blockbuster, but for books.

–Blockbuster

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Did you bring something to read on the train? I’m trying to decide if I want to talk to you, sleep, or read my book.

–A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Teenage girl: I need Romeo and Juliet. But do you have any with, like, the English on one side and Shakespeare on the other?

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Spoiled colleg girl to friend: My mom really wants me to get a nice big tote because she’s really worried about how I’m going to carry all my books. But I’m, like, worried if I’m even going to read my books.

–Outside Bloomingdale’s Dressing Room

Chick: So they called him up on stage, and they were like: "We want to bestow this honor upon you." And he was like: "It is indeed an honor, an honor indeed." And I’m all like: "Come on, like, I mean, seriously, like, who talks like that? Can’t you take it down a notch! Don’t you read US Weekly or anything?

–Starbucks, Woolworth Building

NYU girl to male friend: There’s almost something poetic about it, you know? Like, the 20-year-old Catholic virgin from Connecticut losing it to the older Ecuadorian lothario? Hell, I should just write a book about my life.

–NYU Dining Hall

Quirky 30-something woman #1: When I was dating my ex-boyfriend I felt like I was smuggling drugs… 8 1/2 inches of them.
Quirky 30-something woman #2: Dude, he was smuggling drugs in his scary, scary beard.

–Starbucks

Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.

–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Maryrose

Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!

–Queens

Overheard by: alex

Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!

–Starbucks

Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.

–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!

Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?

–West End & West 100th St