Annoying teenage girl: Hop off my dick, hop off my dick!
Teenage boy: You don't have a dick.
Annoying teenage girl: You don't need a dick to say you have one.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Emm
Annoying teenage girl: Hop off my dick, hop off my dick!
Teenage boy: You don't have a dick.
Annoying teenage girl: You don't need a dick to say you have one.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Emm
Male NYU student: Sound bites! I mean… Fucking sound bites! And that's all they have! These people don't actually know what they are talking about!
Female NYU student: (hesitant murmur of agreement)
Male NYU student, stopping to look at coffee table book: Oh man! Hunter S. Thompson! Have you read him? One of the great… beat poets.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Ben
Dude: Anne Frank looks really hot.
Random woman : What's the matter with you? Don't you have any respect?
Dude: Oh, sorry. With all due respect, Anne Frank is really hot.
–Prospect Park
Latin guy behind deli counter: Do you need anything else, ma?
Crazy white lady: Don't call me “ma”! I'm not black, I'm not Spanish! I'm American!
–Key Foods, Park Slope, Brooklyn
Customer: Can I have a large, double-shot latte?
Barista: Do you want milk in your latte?
Customer: Yes…
–Dunkin' Donuts
Overheard by: Julie
Hipster guy: Have you ever been to the Hamptons?
Hipster girl: Yeah, I've been to the Hamptons. I was just there, actually.
Hipster guy, extremely lasciviously: Oh, I know you were!
Hipster girl, confused: Yeah. Did you, like, see me there?
Hipster guy, still lascivious: Oh, no. I've never been to the Hamptons.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: judydarkness
Guy #1: The beach has been really big this summer.
Guy #2: They beach is big every summer.
–20th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Barrett
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
–Barnard College
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
–Pratt Institute
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.
–Soho
Overheard by: Nicole Q
Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?
–45th St
Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Canucking Futs
Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.
–Williamsburg
Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.
–Q Train
Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.
–Restaurant, Williamsburg
