Wife: Why are the boys wearing skirts?
Husband: Those aren't skirts. They're kilts. It's the uniform for pipers.
Wife: Oh. I didn't know that was a religion.
–W 46th St
Wife: Why are the boys wearing skirts?
Husband: Those aren't skirts. They're kilts. It's the uniform for pipers.
Wife: Oh. I didn't know that was a religion.
–W 46th St
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
–23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
–4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Young Chinese girl: Nigga!
Mother: Don't say that! You not one of those.
–Produce Market, Forsyth St.
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Tourist girl: So how do you know which stop is which? Is this our stop?
Tourist boy: No, this is 50th, see? We're going to 81st.
Tourist girl: We'll be on here forever!
Tourist boy: It won't take long.
Tourist girl: So it stops at every street?
Tourist boy: What? No, it doesn't make a stop at every street. What would that…
Tourist girl, interrupting: It better not! Can I play a game?
Tourist boy: No, you can't. It's my phone. Maybe you should get one like it.
Tourist girl: Let me see it. What game is this?
Tourist boy: That's the map, remember? You said you didn't understand how to work it?
Tourist girl: Oh, yeah. Is this our stop?
Tourist boy: No, this is 59th St.
–Uptown B Train
Overheard by: Annearchist
Male black teen #1: You sound ign'ant.
Male black teen #2: I ain't ign'ant, you ign'ant!
Male black teen #1: You said “truesfully” and there ain't no “s's” in “trufully.”
Male black teen #2: I didn't say “truesfully,” I know there ain't no “s's” in “trufully.”
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: NewYorkLaw
Conductor: Due to track work we're skipping the next five stations. Next stop, Tremont Ave.
Guy on subway: What you talking about? Signs say we only skip 155. We should stop at Yankee Stadium next.
Conductor: Uh, anyone know what our next stop is? I guess we'll just go and see where our next stop is.
–D Train
Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!
–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum
Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily Faxon
Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!
–Canal St
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!
–Macy's, 7th Ave
Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.
–10th St & University
Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.
–62nd & 3rd
20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.
–LIRR
Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Kishan
FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.
–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza
Overheard by: Rob
Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?
–Terminal 5
Overheard by: Dani Cakes
Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.
–City College
Overheard by: Stephen
Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.
–Wall St & William St
Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!
–Central Park
Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?
–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th
Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.
–Bakery, Chinatown
Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.
–Bowery & Spring
Overheard by: Kaze
Girl #1: Let's go to Ripley's Believe It or Not.
Girl #2: Sure, I would love to meet him.
–Times Square
