Man: So I’ve always kind of wondered…You know how ants are so small, we’re probably too big to be completely perceived and understood by them? I always wondered if there were beings that were so large they were beyond our capabilities of perception and comprehension.
Blonde: That, like, totally doesn’t make any sense.
Man: Why not?
Blonde: ‘Cause, like, when it rained on them, then we’d get washed away. Duh.
–6 train
Girlfriend: She fell off her bike and broke all her teeth, so now she has fake ones.
Boyfriend: Well, couldn’t she get white ones? I mean, were they not giving out human teeth that day?
Girlfriend, getting up and hugging him: That’s why I love you.
–Cafe Gitane, Mott & Prince
Overheard by: tea sipper
Dumb blonde #1: Yeah, so, like, Photoshop is better for, like, for photos, and Illustrator is better for, like, illustrations, and InDesign is better for, like, designing stuff.
Dumb blonde #2: Wow, I could never be a graphics person; that’s so much software.
Dumb brunette: I could! I use Paint all the time!
–Metro-North
Woman, looking at fossil: So is this like, a thing, or did someone make this up?
–Museum of Natural History
Girl #1: That was really fun. We should do it again really soon.
Girl #2: Okay, great! Like when?
Girl #1: I dunno. I was just sayin’.
–13th St
Overheard by: Jordan Green
Daughter: One of my clients who is 6 years old can break dance. Like literally do handstands and drop down on his head and spin around. It’s pretty cool.
Father: Is he black?
Daughter: Half black, half white, but he looks like he is white.
Father: Oh, so he’s lightly dipped?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Ali
Guy, watching a toddler have a meltdown on the sidewalk: Where’s Susan Smith when you need her?
–Hudson & Jane
Overheard by: jose clunie
College girl: Mom, I can’t babysit them. Mom! Listen to me! I’m sorry, I don’t like babies. I find we have very little in common.
–34th & Broadway
Lady: I don’t know if that woman ever found her baby’s head!
–King’s County civil court, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kate s
Mother to infant: I’m so glad you’re getting a personality now! You used to just sit there and bore the fuck out of me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to love you! You’re not going to remember that, are you? [to friend] Is she?
–Water St & Hanover Sq
Overheard by: zack
Guy surrounded by kids: You’re all a bunch of savages. Little savages, that’s what you are!
–151st & Broadway
Overheard by: Pants
Woman to baby in stroller: No crying! Crying is unacceptable. I don’t care how bored you are. [to clerk] Does this come in pink?
–J Crew, Tme Warner Center, Columbus Circle
Lady on cell: No, she don’t like anyone. She mean as shit…Nah…Nah…She don’t even like her own children.
–Port Authority
Overweight hobo: The only things I look forward to in life are mayonnaise and sex!
–57th & 7th
Woman on cell: When sex turns into math, you’ve got trouble on your hands.
–Union Square
Overheard by: McFreaky
Chick, screaming into cell: What a bitch! I swear, it’s getting harder and harder to fuck your co-worker and get away without people finding out!
–JFK
Overheard by: Pixie
Realist on cell: Well you can’t expect every guy you sleep with to call you back.
–53rd & 6th
Man to female date: So, basically, you sleep with people out of hilarity?
–St Mark’s & 2nd
Overheard by: Diane
Business woman: No, I told her I’d rather have sex with my husband than buy her products. And then she hung up on me.
–Chipotle, 22nd & 6th
Girl: …and when he came back, it looked like he had herpes! Herpes everywhere!
Queer: And you still hit that?
Girl: Well, it looked like he did, but it was dark and I wasn’t sure.
–Spring & W Broadway
