Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Make the Cover of People

Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.

–74th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rachel

3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.

–Kmart, Astor Place

Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.

–Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Rebecca

Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!

— 72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: emily

Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.

–1st Ave between 12th & 13th

Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!

–1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Wednesday One-Liners Are Gaga in Gotham

Ghetto girl on cell: How you ‘spect me to find you? This map has, like, so many places on it!

–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

Overheard by: vix

Tourist: But we are in SoHo!

–16th & 6th

Overheard by: Yours Truly

Tourist to MTA agent: Which train do I need to take to get to South Ho?

–W 4th St subway station

Overheard by: Emily

Teenage tourist: Ohmigod…CBGB… BCBG…Whatever. We totally have to go!

–22rd & 5th

Overheard by: zr

Tourist lady, pointing to Liberty Island: There are people over there. Why are there people over there?!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Not quite sure

Jappy tourist: Hey, we’re trying to get back to New York Island; do you know the best way to get to 48th and 8th Avenue?

–2nd St between A & B

Overheard by: Where Am I?

Yuppie tourist: Christina, Christina! Is this Ground Zero?

–5th Ave, outside Plaza Hotel

Overheard by: D

Is This the ‘Grandfather Paradox’?

Young woman: So you got any kids?
Older man: Nope, no kids.
Young woman: What about grandkids?

–1 Penn Plaza

Overheard by: Toastmaster

Just like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson

Man, to driver who has almost hit them: No turns on red, you fucking asshole!
Woman: Calm down. He’s from Virginia–he’s obviously an idiot.

–60th & Madison

Overheard by: Todd Garrin

What About the Chattanooga Choo-Choo?

Public transportation aficionada: Excuse me.
Empiricist: Yes?
Public transportation aficionada: I’m looking for Penn Station. I mean Yonkers. Which train will take me to Yonkers?
Empiricist: Ah, maybe none. Yonkers isn’t on the Island.
Public transportation aficionada: Uh-huh. We’ve been looking for a train to take us to Yonkers, but none of these go there.
Empiricist: Yeah. It’s not on the Island.
Public transportation aficionada: What about the 2 train?
Empiricist: Okay, bye.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

They’ll Be Able to Tell By the Smell

Foreign guy: No, there’s too many people on line to return.
American guy: Why don’t you put it in the drop box?
Foreign guy: I can’t do that!
American guy: Yeah, you can even leave it in the box outside.
Foreign guy: But how will they know it’s me?

–Blockbuster Videos, Chelsea

Overheard by: no one was on line for returns

Wait a Minute…Katrina!

Man: So I’ve always kind of wondered…You know how ants are so small, we’re probably too big to be completely perceived and understood by them? I always wondered if there were beings that were so large they were beyond our capabilities of perception and comprehension.
Blonde: That, like, totally doesn’t make any sense.
Man: Why not?
Blonde: ‘Cause, like, when it rained on them, then we’d get washed away. Duh.

–6 train

You Have High Denture Standards

Girlfriend: She fell off her bike and broke all her teeth, so now she has fake ones.
Boyfriend: Well, couldn’t she get white ones? I mean, were they not giving out human teeth that day?
Girlfriend, getting up and hugging him: That’s why I love you.

–Cafe Gitane, Mott & Prince

Overheard by: tea sipper

How Arrogant!

Teen girl #1: He’s so arrogant! Wait…Arrogant means stupid, right?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, it means stupid and…dumb.

–Starbucks, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Molly

She Used Paint to Color Her Blonde Hair Brown

Dumb blonde #1: Yeah, so, like, Photoshop is better for, like, for photos, and Illustrator is better for, like, illustrations, and InDesign is better for, like, designing stuff.
Dumb blonde #2: Wow, I could never be a graphics person; that’s so much software.
Dumb brunette: I could! I use Paint all the time!

–Metro-North

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