Teen girl #1: Last night I thought the lights were flicking on and off in my room.
Teen girl #2: Was there something wrong with the electricity?
Teen girl #1: No, I realized it was just me opening and closing my eyes.
–12th & 6th
Teen girl #1: Last night I thought the lights were flicking on and off in my room.
Teen girl #2: Was there something wrong with the electricity?
Teen girl #1: No, I realized it was just me opening and closing my eyes.
–12th & 6th
Guy on cell: I don’t know, now she won’t sleep in the bedroom ’cause of the mobster, and she needs a ride to the Hamptons.
–7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Analt
Guy: He’ll be here in another twenty minutes. He’s sleeping in the back of a car.
–74th & 2nd
Overheard by: Wendy
Teenage girl: I know it’s so wrong, but I’m seriously lusting for luxury cars. I just want to lick them. I want to hump those leather seats!
–WTC Path station
Overheard by: Carine
Suburban boy: Oh my God, driving in the city is most fun thing in the entire world!
–Downtown R train
Overheard by: confused
Man: I had a bad night tonight. I stole a car, got two tickets. I shouldn’t-a stole that car.
–Bodega, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Flasteppi
Drunk guy on cell: If you don’t have my money by 12 tomorrow, I’m gonna get your mother’s car and your sister’s car…I still love your sister, too, but you better have my money.
–Union Turnpike-Kew Gardens E/F station
Young woman: Where did all these cars come from? New York doesn’t have cars.
–35th & 5th
Overheard by: Frank & Alex
Shopper #1: I’ve never bought yogurt before. I don’t know what to get. What does fat free mean?
Shopper #2: You know, its free… of fat.
Shopper #1: Oh, OK.
–Grocery, 40th & 5th
Overheard by: Super Mike
Kinderslut #1: You wanna know the secret to having big boobs?
Kinderslut #2: Fuck, yes, you know how flat-chested I am!
Kinderslut #1: Mom and I are very well endowed, so I asked her if it was genetic or something else.
Kinderslut #2: And?
Kinderslut #1: Peanut butter.
Kinderslut #2: You’re shittin’ me! Are you sure?
Kinderslut #1: Yes! I’ve been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all my life. So has my mom, and you see.
Kinderslut #2: Could be the jelly.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: angie
Compassionate chick, looking at homeless cats: Oooh, look at this one. It only has one eye. What happened?
Kitten rescue volunteer: Oh, it lost an eye.
–72nd & Columbus
Tourist kid: Mom, am I fat?
Tourist mom: Yes. Now get in the airplane.
Tourist kid: Dad says I’m husky.
Tourist mom: That means fat.
–U.S.S. Intrepid
Goth girl: You are such a disillusioned youth!
Goth guy: Wait, what does that even mean?
Goth girl: How should I know? I just think it sounds good.
–Claire’s Accessories
Foodie: Have you ever been to China Grill?
Non-Foodie: Is that Cuban food?
–62nd & Broadway
Headline by: clarence rosario
Runners-Up:
· “You’re Confusing ‘Boat People’ With the ‘Cardboard Raft’ People” – Jo Jo
· “Close, But No Cigar” – andrew harrison
· “Con-Fusion Cuisine” – Greg Costello
· “Either Way You Feel Oppressed Again an Hour Later.” – Syd O
· “May I Take Your New World Order?” – jason daniel
· “Michelin Should Have Never Named it the Red Guide” – Fes
· “Public-School Geography Teachers Do Lunch.” – Doctor Whom
· “Sum Dim People Think So” – Constant Irritant
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
Woman on cell: When you assume, you make an ass of yourself.
–4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark
Hipster: Yo, what’s up with Filene’s Basement? That shit’s on the top floor!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Tourist: Is that the Enron building?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Robyn
Tourist to security guard: Are these all originals?
–Impressionist Gallery, the Met
Overheard by: j-diddy
Female tourist: I could never live in Central America because I’d miss the ocean.
–Restaurant bathroom, Little Italy
Overheard by: Olia
Girl looking at subway map: What about that thing, that star–“You are here”? They don’t have that?
–(Moving) uptown 1 train, 59th St
Overheard by: Jo
White hipster girl: Is black semen black?
–86th & Park
