Guy #1: That was a beautiful pit bull.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’d love to have that pit bull, but I’m not responsible enough to have a dog. I’m gonna have some kids first so they can be responsible for the dog.
–Amtrak train
Guy #1: That was a beautiful pit bull.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’d love to have that pit bull, but I’m not responsible enough to have a dog. I’m gonna have some kids first so they can be responsible for the dog.
–Amtrak train
Girl: I just heard a Britney Spears cover. It was odd.
Guy: I like her cover of… I think it was a James Brown song.
Girl: "My Prerogative"?… oh, no, that’s Bobby Brown.
Guy: It was some brown person.
–57th & 8th
Woman, watching Jet Li movie preview: I won’t see it. All they ever do is hop around, and I have no idea what’s going on.
–AMC Theatre, W 42nd St
Overheard by: Jason
Slow learner: Yeah, we just got out of Miami Vice…Yeah, I’ve seen it twice. Trust me: do not see that movie!
–42nd between 9th & 10th
Overheard by: Ash
Young woman: When I went to see Snakes on a Plane, I didn’t think there’d be snakes! On a plane!
–Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Tween boy: After seeing that movie, I have to say: Johnny Knoxville is the most suicidal person next to Jesus.
–C train
Overheard by: Dirty D
Ticket taker, directing people to theater: Go out the window and take a left.
–AMC 25, Times Square
Overheard by: L
Blonde girl: Isn’t Short Circuit the movie with R2D2?
–Rooftop party, W 43rd
Overheard by: Esther
Guy in very crowded train: It felt like Schindler’s List for a second there.
–7 train
Overheard by: giants fan
Queer: When I get stoned, my grundle itches.
–6 train
Overheard by: sheerah
Street vendor, gesturing to enormous bong: No, no…this one is for tobacco.
–St. Mark’s
Elderly man: People are stupid! They don’t do pot!
–R train
Stoned guy: Man, why do chip manufacturers always put the crumbs at the bottom of the bag?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bernard black
Teenage gangsta: Yo, when I was in the shower, it totally tasted like weed. For real.
–Lafayette & Houston
Passenger: If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell a cop or an MTA employee or me. There might be some money or some weed in there.
–4 train
Overheard by: Mike
Long-haired dude, picking up a cigarette butt: Man, that’s not what I wanted to smoke.
–72nd & Columbus
Overheard by: clarence rosario
Guy #1: You know that Anton Webern’s Quartet for the End of Time was performed in a concentration camp? Crazy.
Guy #2: Yeah. He died real weird. I forget how. I think the Nazis shot him.
Total stranger: Actually he was shot by Allied soldiers. He was breaking curfew smoking a cigarette, and they mistook him for his brother-in-law, who was an alleged Nazi spy.
Guy #1: Oh, I see. Thanks.
Total stranger: Any other questions? I just ride this train all day waiting to answer questions on twentieth-century music composition. The next car has an expert on Chekhov, and the conductor studies philosophy.
Guy #1: So anyway, Slavic girls are pretty hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, for real.
–7 train
Girl #1: At least I still kept my perfume.
Girl #2: Oh my gosh, did you leave your perfume behind?
Girl #1: No, I said I brought it with me.
Girl #2: Wait, do you still have your perfume?
–Spring & Broadway
Snob #1: This is exactly what kids in school should see.
Snob #2: Especially in the Midwest, where they don’t read.
–Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Overheard by: Literate Midwesterner
Woman: Oh, he looked so old and sick in that movie. Really horrible.
Man: You know he died, right?
Woman: Oh, they must have made the movie before that.
–NJ Transit train out of Penn Station
Overheard by: confabulation nation
JAP #1: Which magazine do we want — People or Us?
JAP #2: I don’t know, let’s get People.
JAP #1: Yeah, People has fewer words in it.
–Kosher Delight Restaurant, 13th Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Runners-Up:
· “Also Her Rationale for Rejecting the New Testament” – El Jefe
· “Also How President Bush Chooses His Speeches” – Nicole
· “Brevity Is the Soul of Twit” – Bern
· “But if You Eliminate US Magazine’s Use of ‘Brangelina,’ It’s Like 9 Words, Tops” – Riley Ray
· “But They Buy Playboy for the Articles” – Lalaith
· “Does the Menu Come on Podcast?” – Jodi
· “Jews Against ‘Wholesale Bargain’ Stereotype” – jason
· “Now if They Would Just Caption the Pictures with Other Pictures” – Gadfly22
· “Oy” – Wendy
· “Patiently Waiting Until Cheap Celebrity Gossip is Available Telepathically” – Diane
Woman #1: I know he be my baby’s daddy.
Woman #2: Yeah? How?
Woman #1: They be lookin’ the same. He got no teeth and my baby ain’t got no teeth eitha’.
–6 train, Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: lauren
