Stupidity

People…People Who Read People…Are the Schmuckiest People in the World

JAP #1: Which magazine do we want — People or Us?
JAP #2: I don’t know, let’s get People.
JAP #1: Yeah, People has fewer words in it.

–Kosher Delight Restaurant, 13th Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: Mary Beth Hanlon

Runners-Up:
· “Also Her Rationale for Rejecting the New Testament” – El Jefe
· “Also How President Bush Chooses His Speeches” – Nicole
· “Brevity Is the Soul of Twit” – Bern
· “But if You Eliminate US Magazine’s Use of ‘Brangelina,’ It’s Like 9 Words, Tops” – Riley Ray
· “But They Buy Playboy for the Articles” – Lalaith
· “Does the Menu Come on Podcast?” – Jodi
· “Jews Against ‘Wholesale Bargain’ Stereotype” – jason
· “Now if They Would Just Caption the Pictures with Other Pictures” – Gadfly22
· “Oy” – Wendy
· “Patiently Waiting Until Cheap Celebrity Gossip is Available Telepathically” – Diane

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Baby Never Has Anything Intelligent to Say, So We Know You’re the Mother

Woman #1: I know he be my baby’s daddy.
Woman #2: Yeah? How?
Woman #1: They be lookin’ the same. He got no teeth and my baby ain’t got no teeth eitha’.

–6 train, Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: lauren

Positive Spin: This Girl Will Never Be Bored

Teen girl #1: Last night I thought the lights were flicking on and off in my room.
Teen girl #2: Was there something wrong with the electricity?
Teen girl #1: No, I realized it was just me opening and closing my eyes.

–12th & 6th

Baby, You Can Drive My Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I don’t know, now she won’t sleep in the bedroom ’cause of the mobster, and she needs a ride to the Hamptons.

–7th & Ave A

Overheard by: Analt

Guy: He’ll be here in another twenty minutes. He’s sleeping in the back of a car.

–74th & 2nd

Overheard by: Wendy

Teenage girl: I know it’s so wrong, but I’m seriously lusting for luxury cars. I just want to lick them. I want to hump those leather seats!

–WTC Path station

Overheard by: Carine

Suburban boy: Oh my God, driving in the city is most fun thing in the entire world!

–Downtown R train

Overheard by: confused

Man: I had a bad night tonight. I stole a car, got two tickets. I shouldn’t-a stole that car.

–Bodega, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Flasteppi

Drunk guy on cell: If you don’t have my money by 12 tomorrow, I’m gonna get your mother’s car and your sister’s car…I still love your sister, too, but you better have my money.

–Union Turnpike-Kew Gardens E/F station

Young woman: Where did all these cars come from? New York doesn’t have cars.

–35th & 5th

Overheard by: Frank & Alex

The Fat Part’s Free, But You Have to Pay for the Protein and the Carbs

Shopper #1: I’ve never bought yogurt before. I don’t know what to get. What does fat free mean?
Shopper #2: You know, its free… of fat.
Shopper #1: Oh, OK.

–Grocery, 40th & 5th

Overheard by: Super Mike

Silicone Jelly

Kinderslut #1: You wanna know the secret to having big boobs?
Kinderslut #2: Fuck, yes, you know how flat-chested I am!
Kinderslut #1: Mom and I are very well endowed, so I asked her if it was genetic or something else.
Kinderslut #2: And?
Kinderslut #1: Peanut butter.
Kinderslut #2: You’re shittin’ me! Are you sure?
Kinderslut #1: Yes! I’ve been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all my life. So has my mom, and you see.
Kinderslut #2: Could be the jelly.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: angie

So You’re Saying It Can’t See Out of That One That Isn’t There?

Compassionate chick, looking at homeless cats: Oooh, look at this one. It only has one eye. What happened?
Kitten rescue volunteer: Oh, it lost an eye.

–72nd & Columbus

Dad Also Says You’re ‘Moody’ and That He’s a ‘Problem Drinker’

Tourist kid: Mom, am I fat?
Tourist mom: Yes. Now get in the airplane.
Tourist kid: Dad says I’m husky.
Tourist mom: That means fat.

–U.S.S. Intrepid

It Does Sound Good. You’re the Only One Who Gets Me.

Goth girl: You are such a disillusioned youth!
Goth guy: Wait, what does that even mean?
Goth girl: How should I know? I just think it sounds good.

–Claire’s Accessories

Where the Eggrolls Are Called Bay of Pigs in a Blanket

Foodie: Have you ever been to China Grill?
Non-Foodie: Is that Cuban food?

–62nd & Broadway
Headline by: clarence rosario

Runners-Up:
· “You’re Confusing ‘Boat People’ With the ‘Cardboard Raft’ People” – Jo Jo
· “Close, But No Cigar” – andrew harrison
· “Con-Fusion Cuisine” – Greg Costello
· “Either Way You Feel Oppressed Again an Hour Later.” – Syd O
· “May I Take Your New World Order?” – jason daniel
· “Michelin Should Have Never Named it the Red Guide” – Fes
· “Public-School Geography Teachers Do Lunch.” – Doctor Whom
· “Sum Dim People Think So” – Constant Irritant

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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