Frat boy: So are you gonna come out drinking tonight?
College girl: Uh no, I haven’t been feeling so well, I’m allergic to rain I think.
Frat boy: Ummm, it’s not raining.
College girl: Yeah, it must have been earlier or something.
–17th & 3rd
Frat boy: So are you gonna come out drinking tonight?
College girl: Uh no, I haven’t been feeling so well, I’m allergic to rain I think.
Frat boy: Ummm, it’s not raining.
College girl: Yeah, it must have been earlier or something.
–17th & 3rd
Dude #1: If I was the last man on earth, I would die of exhaustion from banging too much!
Dude #2: If I was the last man on earth, I’d die of AIDS from banging too much.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Rich
Headline by: Syd O
Runners-Up:
· “And his guidance counselor said he wasn’t goal oriented…” – Marc
· “Apparently the apocalypse is a lot like New York in the 80s.” – julian
· “But as long as there’s even one other man left, they’re both safe” – Not buying it
· “Either Way, He’d Be Fucked!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “How is that any different then now.” – Kaleena
· “If you were the last man on earth, we’d all be lesbians” – Tam
· “If I’m goin’ everyone else is coming with me” – Botticus
· “If you were the last man on earth, I’d die from banging my head against a wall” – Becky
· “It’s a catch simplex 2.” – Vin
· “Oh yeah? If I were the last man on Earth, I’d die of whatever killed the other guys!” – Chris
· “Only After All the Batteries Are Gone” – Lush
· “The Planet Of All Women Drivers, I Know How I Would Die” – berger inferno
Girl #1: Wow, you got your nose pierced!
Girl #2: Yeah, I got it yesterday
Girl #1: How did they do it? Gun or needle?
Girl #2: Gun.
Girl #1: Ah ok, how do they fit a gun up there?
–McDonalds
Overheard by: Ness
Guy: Yeah, we call my brother’s girlfriend Swiss Miss.
Girl: Is that because she’s Brazilian?
–Purity Diner, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Cleo
Queer: Fuck you! I’m a smart gay!
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Keesha Brown
Accidental ironist: Yeah, obviously he has no sense of smartness.
–68th & Lex
Overheard by: Casti
Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I’m too smart to erase more than that.
–Chinatown bus
Girl on cell: They said that I’m smart, and that I can articulate well. But I’m not… you know… Oh, whatever.
–Queensboro Community College
Overheard by: LizDayglow
Tween boy to dad: I’m looking for a girl who’s younger and smarter.
–71st & West End
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy #1: You should say excuse me!
Guy #2: I did say excuse me!
Guy #1: Oh…
Guy #2: What I should have said is ‘Don’t stand in front of the fucking doors!"
–Uptown 4 Train
Hipster boy: It’s so weird. It’s like, one day my girlfriend will be in a good mood, and the next day, bad mood. I don’t get it!
–Broadway & Cedar
Customer You Greek?
Waitress: Greek Orthodox.
Customer: So you’re Greek.
Waitress: No, that’s my religion, they call it Greek Orthodox.
Customer: But you’re from Greece, right?
Waitress: No, Belarus.
Customer: Russia?
Waitress: Belarus. It’s the former USSR. It’s between Russia and Poland.
Customer: I never heard of it. It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s not small.
Customer: It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s the size of France. France is quite big, actually.
Customer: I better look at a map.
Waitress: Yeah, you’d better.
–Diner, Park Slope
Guy #1: That tongue twister "Sally sells seashells at the seashore" is whacked. Why would you sell seashells at the seashore when you can just pick up seashells at the seashore for free?
Guy #2: Because it’s nice and people are too lazy to look for a nice seashell in the seashore.
Guy #1: What will they do with a seashell? Just look at it?
Guy #2: You can listen to the ocean if you put it in the ear.
Guy #1: Why would I buy a seashell to listen to the ocean if I can listen to the ocean right there? It doesn’t make sense, son.
Guy #2: I don’t know. It’s just a tongue twister, man. It’s not supposed to make sense. Just like the pickle piper shit.
–Uptown 6 train
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Yeah, we ain’t together no more. Bitch had the nerve to dump me.
Friend: What happened? You guys looked fine last week. It doesn’t make sense.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: She wasn’t down with how I roll. Always dissin’ the way I talk and shit–you know, correcting me and shit. Said she couldn’t take it no more, that I was always actin’ ign-i-ant or some shit. Like she’s some brain scientist or some shit. Bitch was always wrong anyways.
Friend: Brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: What?
Friend: You said brain scientist. I think you meant brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Dat’s what I said nigga, you just heard me wrong.
Friend: You know what, suddenly it does makes sense.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
