Wednesday One-Liners Failed Third Grade, Just Like Einstein

Queer: Fuck you! I’m a smart gay!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Keesha Brown

Accidental ironist: Yeah, obviously he has no sense of smartness.

–68th & Lex

Overheard by: Casti

Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I’m too smart to erase more than that.

–Chinatown bus

Girl on cell: They said that I’m smart, and that I can articulate well. But I’m not… you know… Oh, whatever.

–Queensboro Community College

Overheard by: LizDayglow

Tween boy to dad: I’m looking for a girl who’s younger and smarter.

–71st & West End

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on October 18, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Dating, Drugs, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Idiots, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, Queens, Queer guys, School, Stupidity, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

In Manhattan, Polite and Rude Can Be Hard to Distinguish

Guy #1: You should say excuse me!
Guy #2: I did say excuse me!
Guy #1: Oh…
Guy #2: What I should have said is ‘Don’t stand in front of the fucking doors!"

–Uptown 4 Train

Posted on October 17, 2006
Assholes, Etiquette, On the Subway, Stupidity

You think I’m Projecting a Little Too Much Onto a Latex Doll?

Hipster boy: It’s so weird. It’s like, one day my girlfriend will be in a good mood, and the next day, bad mood. I don’t get it!

–Broadway & Cedar

Posted on October 17, 2006
Hipsters, Lower Manhattan, Relationships, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

France Just Seems Small, Because It’s So Easy to Conquer

Customer You Greek?
Waitress: Greek Orthodox.
Customer: So you’re Greek.
Waitress: No, that’s my religion, they call it Greek Orthodox.
Customer: But you’re from Greece, right?
Waitress: No, Belarus.
Customer: Russia?
Waitress: Belarus. It’s the former USSR. It’s between Russia and Poland.
Customer: I never heard of it. It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s not small.
Customer: It must be very small.
Waitress: It’s the size of France. France is quite big, actually.
Customer: I better look at a map.
Waitress: Yeah, you’d better.

–Diner, Park Slope

Posted on October 14, 2006
Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Global Geography, Idiots, Park Slope, Questions, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Waitresses

Yeah, What Kind of Fucked-up Bush Grows Pickled Peppers Anyway?

Guy #1: That tongue twister "Sally sells seashells at the seashore" is whacked. Why would you sell seashells at the seashore when you can just pick up seashells at the seashore for free?
Guy #2: Because it’s nice and people are too lazy to look for a nice seashell in the seashore.
Guy #1: What will they do with a seashell? Just look at it?
Guy #2: You can listen to the ocean if you put it in the ear.
Guy #1: Why would I buy a seashell to listen to the ocean if I can listen to the ocean right there? It doesn’t make sense, son.
Guy #2: I don’t know. It’s just a tongue twister, man. It’s not supposed to make sense. Just like the pickle piper shit.

–Uptown 6 train

Posted on October 13, 2006
On the Subway, Stupidity, White People

Warning: This Story is Character-Driven

Rhodes Scholar wigger: Yeah, we ain’t together no more. Bitch had the nerve to dump me.
Friend: What happened? You guys looked fine last week. It doesn’t make sense.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: She wasn’t down with how I roll. Always dissin’ the way I talk and shit–you know, correcting me and shit. Said she couldn’t take it no more, that I was always actin’ ign-i-ant or some shit. Like she’s some brain scientist or some shit. Bitch was always wrong anyways.
Friend: Brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: What?
Friend: You said brain scientist. I think you meant brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Dat’s what I said nigga, you just heard me wrong.
Friend: You know what, suddenly it does makes sense.

–Manhattan bound F train

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Posted on October 13, 2006
Assholes, Black People, Breaking Up, Education, Friends, Idiots, On the Subway, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Words

An Order of Magnitude Less Valuable

Hipster girl #1: Did you see Project Runway last night?
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, finally Vincent was voted off.
Hipster girl #1: I know, he should have been voted off a while ago
Hipster girl #2: Well, Vincent wasn’t the smartest guy in the world… I mean, he cashed in his 41k.

–4th & Bedford

Overheard by: hoppe

Posted on October 12, 2006
Hipsters, Stupidity, Williamsburg

Look to Your Right and Left, NYU Class of 2010: One of You Wednesday One-Liners Will be Gone by Spring

NYU kid: I’m waiting for a roomba that runs on solar.

–Washington Square

NYU hipster: Do you ever find a little self-deprecation to be charming?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Joey Gillis

NYU chick: I drink Sprite not Pepsi because you know, it’s colorless so there’s no fat or calories so I can stay thin. You drink Pepsi and that’s brown and thick so it’s got carbs.

–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Low Fat Soda

NYU girl: I don’t like that sour is attached to cream; don’t let the fucking cream go sour!

–Williams & Wall

Overheard by: Genevieve

NYU girl: So they call it a keg stand…they hold your legs up and you’re just supposed to drink out of the spout thingy. SOOOOOO weird, but the guy was hot so I did it.

–W 4th St

NYU student: So I said, "I don’t care what time it is, you are supposed to be a lesbian!"

–Union Square Whole Foods

Overheard by: Batman

NYU girl: Yeah, she did kinda look like a lesbian. I mean, she had really bad posture.

–Church & Murray

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on October 11, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Listen to Nancy Reagan

Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!

–Houston & Essex

Overheard by: saywhat?

Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…

–R train

Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.

–Bank of America, 6th Ave

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…

–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3

Overheard by: Franco

Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.

–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow

Overheard by: wants to meet the ex

Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?

–14th & 6th

Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!

–80th & 3rd

Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!

–14th St L station

Overheard by: Em