Goth v. Preppy: The Archie Paradigm

Girl #1: So, like, I’m deciding between these two guys. One’s really hot, and like, Goth and stuff–he listens to Cradle of Filth–and the other’s all preppy and sweet.
Girl #2: Uh huh. That’s so Tess of the d’Urbervilles.
Girl #1: Uh huh. And so, I’m all conflicted. The preppy one’s so sweet! He’s trying to get me not to do drugs. He’s all, “Don’t do heroin!”
Girl #2: That’s sweet, I guess. Wait: do you do drugs?
Girl #1: Well, no. I might have done pot once, but I was so wasted I couldn’t tell.

–The Strand

Posted on October 8, 2025
Bimbettes, Books & Writing, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Heroin, Store, Stupidity, Weed

Wednesday One-liners Are Grossly Mismarketed

Old Black guy: The thing about Girls Gone Wild is that most of them are strippers. Girls don’t really go wild.

–D train

Overheard by: pixelvisions

Woman: One day they have Angelina sleeping with Tom Cruise, now they say she’s with Brad.

–Food Emporium, Broadway & 68th

Hipster chick: You know, they have all these sodas with added lime flavor, but why don’t they ever do Sprite with lime?

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Melissa

Huge guy: So he comes up to me and gives me the $600 that he owes me. I took one look at the bills and thought this was the worst counterfeit job I’ve ever seen so I beat the shit out of him…Did you know they have a new $100 bill?

–35th & 8th

Overheard by: Paul Ferris

Woman: Sometimes I see underwear I don’t even understand.

–Victoria’s Secret, 82nd & Broadway

Overheard by: djlindee

Pre-school teacher lady: If they didn’t build the subway, we wouldn’t have Home Depot or Lowe’s.

–NY Transit Museum

Overheard by: Trix

Posted on October 5, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Pop Culture, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Announcing Wednesday One-liners

Suit: Attention tourists. It is now just after 5PM, and unlike you, some of us had to work today and would like to fucking get home. Please keep moving and do not just fucking stop in the middle of the sidewalk. This has been a public service announcement.

–43rd & 7th

Conductor: Next time, you lose your hands!

–N train

Overheard by: Gregorio

The train stops in the tunnel, and the conductor announces: Ladies and gentlemen! We are momentarily held between the stations. We will be moving shortly. Meanwhile, sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery.

–A train

Driver: Welcome aboard the M86 crosstown bus. I apologize for the delay today; we will be moving momentarily. If you are carrying a grudge from school, or work, or home, please do not take it out on me. I promise you, we will be moving momentarily.

–M86 bus

Overheard by: Diane

Conductor: Get all your possessions, including your body, inside the doors, if you want the train to move. It’s that simple.

–S train

Conductor: That was a very dangerous thing that you just did with the cane.

–F train

Posted on October 4, 2025
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Jobs & Careers, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Threats, Time, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

She Didn’t Mean Height

Girl: I’d fuck a big midget.
Guy: A big midget is a normal person.

–St. Mark’s between 1st & A

Overheard by: Lindsay

Posted on September 29, 2025
Friends, Sex, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Sounds Like You’re Not a Model for Anyone

Pretty boy: Well, it’s good money, but I don’t want to do it too much, because I don’t want people to think I’m like them.
Unpretty boy: Who, the other male models?
Pretty boy: I am not a male model! I am an actor! I just do it for the money.
Unpretty boy: Sure, sure, it’s just a gig, man.
Pretty boy: I am not a male model!

–14th & 7th

Posted on September 27, 2025
Anger Management, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Idiots, Jobs & Careers, Models, Money & Class, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

It Depends On How They’re Cooked

Man #1: He’s put on some weight. I don’t remember him being that fat in The Last Five Years.
Man #2: Well, having two kids’ll do that to you.

–Imperial Theatre, West 45th Street

Posted on September 22, 2025
Diet/Weight, Fitness, Idiots, Men, Movie Theaters, Stupidity

A Grotesquely Overcircumcised One

Mother: So Krusty couldn’t find his star in the Jewish Hall of Fame.
Boy: There was a Jewish Hall of Fame?
Mother: Yeah, and Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop were there.
Father: Lamb Chop was a Jewish lamb?

–Windsor Terrace