Clerk lady #1: So, like, my kid dropped my cell into the toilet last week.
Clerk lady #2: Oh yeah?
Clerk lady #1: I had to recharge it for over a week before it worked.
Clerk lady #2: Hmm.
Clerk lady #1: When I made a call to my friend, it was all static. And the buttons didn’t work. A few days later my kid picks the phone up and says: “I threw your cell in the toilet! Ha ha!”
Guy: …you took it out of the toilet first, right?
–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th
Overheard by: BBW
Tween girl #1: Wow, like this is really high up.
Tween girl #2: Like wow.
–Toys R Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Dawn Furey
Teen girl: I wonder what Marilyn Monroe does in her spare time.
Teen guy: Lie in her coffin?
–2 train
Girl on cell: Mom! Guess what? We are having a full moon in New York tonight.
Girl #2: You so stupid…it’s everywhere!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Jim Chambers
Fat White drunk woman: Maybe you got it from someone in our building, or all those transvestites you fucked.
Sobbing Hispanic man: But baby, I didn’t fuck that many, it’s not my fault!
–Fordham Road, The Bronx
White woman: Cough it up, Sadie! Cough it up!…Why would people put chicken bones in the garbage?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Carrie McLaren
Woman #1: She called to say she was sorry for hooking up with my ex.
Woman #2: How surprised were you?
Woman #1: I literally dropped dead as soon as she said it.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Dee McCallum
Guy: So, Indian food?
Girl: Do you think in India, they just call it food?
–2nd Avenue & 6th Street
Guy: Do you think I should have a K at the beginning of my name?
Girl #1: What?
Guy: Well, you know how trendy people have a silent letter in their names sometimes. I think I want to do that. Just put a K at the beginning.
Girl #2: …Then your name would be KShawn.
Girl #1: No one would leave the K silent you idiot. They’d call you “Kuh-Shawn.”
Guy: Why are you laughing?…Oh, is it too ethnic?
–Bowery Ballroom
Cashier dude: The only credit cards we accept are American Express.
Old guy: Do you take Visa?
–Costco, LI City
