Guy: So, Indian food?
Girl: Do you think in India, they just call it food?
–2nd Avenue & 6th Street
Guy: So, Indian food?
Girl: Do you think in India, they just call it food?
–2nd Avenue & 6th Street
Guy: Do you think I should have a K at the beginning of my name?
Girl #1: What?
Guy: Well, you know how trendy people have a silent letter in their names sometimes. I think I want to do that. Just put a K at the beginning.
Girl #2: …Then your name would be KShawn.
Girl #1: No one would leave the K silent you idiot. They’d call you “Kuh-Shawn.”
Guy: Why are you laughing?…Oh, is it too ethnic?
–Bowery Ballroom
Cashier dude: The only credit cards we accept are American Express.
Old guy: Do you take Visa?
–Costco, LI City
Girl #1: So, like, I’m deciding between these two guys. One’s really hot, and like, Goth and stuff–he listens to Cradle of Filth–and the other’s all preppy and sweet.
Girl #2: Uh huh. That’s so Tess of the d’Urbervilles.
Girl #1: Uh huh. And so, I’m all conflicted. The preppy one’s so sweet! He’s trying to get me not to do drugs. He’s all, “Don’t do heroin!”
Girl #2: That’s sweet, I guess. Wait: do you do drugs?
Girl #1: Well, no. I might have done pot once, but I was so wasted I couldn’t tell.
–The Strand
Old Black guy: The thing about Girls Gone Wild is that most of them are strippers. Girls don’t really go wild.
–D train
Overheard by: pixelvisions
Woman: One day they have Angelina sleeping with Tom Cruise, now they say she’s with Brad.
–Food Emporium, Broadway & 68th
Hipster chick: You know, they have all these sodas with added lime flavor, but why don’t they ever do Sprite with lime?
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Melissa
Huge guy: So he comes up to me and gives me the $600 that he owes me. I took one look at the bills and thought this was the worst counterfeit job I’ve ever seen so I beat the shit out of him…Did you know they have a new $100 bill?
–35th & 8th
Overheard by: Paul Ferris
Woman: Sometimes I see underwear I don’t even understand.
–Victoria’s Secret, 82nd & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Pre-school teacher lady: If they didn’t build the subway, we wouldn’t have Home Depot or Lowe’s.
–NY Transit Museum
Overheard by: Trix
Suit: Attention tourists. It is now just after 5PM, and unlike you, some of us had to work today and would like to fucking get home. Please keep moving and do not just fucking stop in the middle of the sidewalk. This has been a public service announcement.
–43rd & 7th
Conductor: Next time, you lose your hands!
–N train
Overheard by: Gregorio
The train stops in the tunnel, and the conductor announces: Ladies and gentlemen! We are momentarily held between the stations. We will be moving shortly. Meanwhile, sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery.
–A train
Driver: Welcome aboard the M86 crosstown bus. I apologize for the delay today; we will be moving momentarily. If you are carrying a grudge from school, or work, or home, please do not take it out on me. I promise you, we will be moving momentarily.
–M86 bus
Overheard by: Diane
Conductor: Get all your possessions, including your body, inside the doors, if you want the train to move. It’s that simple.
–S train
Conductor: That was a very dangerous thing that you just did with the cane.
–F train
Girl: I’d fuck a big midget.
Guy: A big midget is a normal person.
–St. Mark’s between 1st & A
Overheard by: Lindsay
Pretty boy: Well, it’s good money, but I don’t want to do it too much, because I don’t want people to think I’m like them.
Unpretty boy: Who, the other male models?
Pretty boy: I am not a male model! I am an actor! I just do it for the money.
Unpretty boy: Sure, sure, it’s just a gig, man.
Pretty boy: I am not a male model!
–14th & 7th
Man #1: He’s put on some weight. I don’t remember him being that fat in The Last Five Years.
Man #2: Well, having two kids’ll do that to you.
–Imperial Theatre, West 45th Street
Mother: So Krusty couldn’t find his star in the Jewish Hall of Fame.
Boy: There was a Jewish Hall of Fame?
Mother: Yeah, and Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop were there.
Father: Lamb Chop was a Jewish lamb?
–Windsor Terrace
