40-something lady suit: Well, I don’t want to work with her anymore.
Young male suit: She’s so high-strung all the time. She needs a vacation or somethi–
40-something lady suit: –What she needs is to set aside a Saturday and get fucked by 10 men at the same time.
–81st & Central Park West
Overheard by: Zenana
Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.
–Fashion District
Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.
–78th St & 37th Ave
Overheard by: Jillian
Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!
–2 train
Overheard by: Macaire
Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Jay
Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: wishing i did soaps
Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.
–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium
Overheard by: did he get a receipt?
Hobo: Why is love so goddamn expensive?
–Outside MoMA
Overheard by: Chris
Drunk ghetto girl screaming into cell: He told me he loved me and this and that… And this and that, dammit! And then his cock was in her, and I was like, ‘Whoa, are you with me or not?!’ So I pulled her weave out and– Hello? Are you still there?
–Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: I just wanted to sleep
WASP suit: The newspaper made me fall in love with Brad Pitt.
–53rd & Lex
Overheard by: not in love with brad pitt
Little girl: I love you, brain.
–87th & York
Girl on cell: Tell your man to stay out of my business, or I’ll break his jaw. I’ll break his jaw again! I don’t need the love of a man, I’ve got my mother and Jesus to fuckin’ love me. I can meet people — I’ve got MySpace, AOL, IM, and I can chat!
–Subway station, Canal St
Drunk blonde: My roommate is so fat, every day I’m like, ‘Put down the fuckin’ twinkie, fatass.’
Suit: Uh-huh.
Drunk blonde: And then she just rolls over.
Suit: Yeah, I have the same problem with my wife.
–L train
Old Asian suit viciously kicks another suit.
Victim suit: Whoa, whoa — what’re you doing?
Old Asian suit: Kicking you!
Victim suit: Why?
Old Asian suit: Because you’re trying to stick your dick in my ass! Back up!
–6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
Girl on cell: I have that freshly fucked feeling.
–The Gap, Bensonhurst
Lady on cell: Do you remember the guy who used to be in Grand Central all the time? The one with the doll… The doll he would fuck. He and the doll would do a fuck dance. He had it strapped to him at all times.
–Outside NYU dorm, E 14th St
Overheard by: college graduate
White trash gas station attendant: Life got a lot easier once I decided not to give a fuck.
–233rd St & Jerome Ave
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Suit to another: Whatever, it’s New York. I’m expecting to get told ‘F-you’ like 17 times.
–LaGuardia airport
Overheard by: Raja
Ghetto girl licking fingers and lips after consuming hot dog: Mmm, girrrl… I fucked that hot dog up!
–Mercer and W. 4th
Dude: Ma… Ma, I only used the F-word once, Ma. I’m fucking serious here.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Tourist from Canadia
Little boy shouting to friend across the street: I just learned how to say ‘Fuck’!
–Irving & Greene, Bushwick
Overheard by: Andy
Thug: This is a fuckin’ Kodak moment, man [snaps picture of fellow thug with camera phone].
–Bleecker & McDougal
Overheard by: acep
Drunk ferry operator holding a camera: I am the shutterbug. S-H-utterbug.
–2 Toms Restaurant, Park Slope
Suit on cell: Hey, sweetie, I found your Army helmet in my car. Did you find my shirt? … Because you poured beer in my ear. Why? No idea — I was going to ask you. I can’t wait to see the moustache pictures.
–Wall St
Overheard by: Wants to see the pics
Chick on cell: I thought I told you to never call me again, and here I look down at my phone and guess who it is?! … After those pictures you sent me?!
–Bleecker & Hudson
Overheard by: Me, Myself, Personally
20-year-old thug to friend: Yeah, she’s the prettiest. When she’s sucking on my dick and looks up, you just wanna take a picture.
–Queens-bound E platform, 14th St station
Overheard by: Nikki W
Gold-digging wife to gal pals: I am totally not going to Vegas for Jenny’s bachelorette party. Can you imagine the photos that could potentially be used in a future divorce proceeding?
–Del Posto Restaurant
Suit #1: So everybody was just fucking everybody?
Suit #2: Oh, yeah!
–48th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Peter
Chick: …And then when the naked girl got in the balloon I was so scared I thought I would die!
–1 train
Overheard by: Michael Schiano
Dude: It’s like, as soon as you step into a room and take off your pants, all hell breaks loose!
–Allen & Stanton
Overheard by: Griffin
Dude: I swear, like, everyone on this block has seen me naked.
–Outside Rubin Hall, NYU
Overheard by: Josh
Little girl: Look! The nakeds! They’re naked!
–Greek sculpture wing, the Met
Chick on cell: I mean, if I’m going to send my friends footage of me doing topless jumping jacks, I want it to be remembered.
–Harlem
Suit on cell: You wanna know why we’re not friends anymore? Remember the last time you came to my house? I came out of the bathroom and there you were, stretched out on my sofa, naked, playing with your dick. What the fuck was that all about?
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Doctor to patient: Sir, I am going to prescribe you two things — some burn cream for, well, you know, and some advice: try not to cook without your pants on.
–Beth Israel Hospital Emergency Room
Suit #1: Dude, she’s pregnant.
Suit #2: Holy shit. No way. What are you gonna do?
Suit #1: I have no idea.
Suit #2: You have to make her have an abortion.
Suit #1: It’s her decision; I can’t make her have an abortion.
Suit #2: Dude, you’re an attorney — you can make her do anything you want. And if she doesn’t agree, you know there are ways to threaten her into doing it.
Suit #1, in amazement: Where the hell did you go to law school?
–53rd & Lex
Overheard by: I hope he didn’t pass Legal Ethics
