Suits

She Couldn’t Stomach the Taste of Sure

Lady #1: I didn’t know what to do, so I took a used tissue out. But I
was so embarrassed.
Lady #2: It’s better than letting it drip on the table.
Lady #1: Yeah…
Lady #2: Sometimes the office gets so hot, people come in tank tops.
Lady #1: I know.
Lady #2: One time I went to a meeting and a drip of sweat fell from my head. I was mortified.
Lady #1: Oh my god.
Lady #2: Now I make sure I stand in an air-conditioned room for 15
minutes before going to a meeting. That was one of the most terrible days of my life.

–Speedy Deli, 32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: deckard

Wednesday One-liners Sport Beef Curtains

Guy: That’s why people like me: for my vagina-cleansing properties.

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Thiess

Wednesday One-liners Found “The One”

Suit on cell: It’s sex: somebody’s always taking advantage of someone else…Oh shit, this girl just gave me a look. That’s gonna be on Overheard tomorrow, I just know it.

–45th & Lexington

Overheard by: No, not her

AKA Chris Farley Disease

Suit #1: Hey, did we ever find out how Chris Penn died?
Suit #2: Yeah. He died of being a big, fat fuck.

–50th between 6th & 7th

Bright Lights, Big Sprinkles

Businessman lady: I’ll have a light latte please, with brown sugar. You do have brown sugar, don’t you?
Countergirl: Um, no.
Businessman lady: Well, then give me your finest, finest grade sugar, all right?
Countergirl: Oh. Sure.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 93rd & 1st

Overheard by: Gina Loiacono

She’s Calling It Rape Now?

Suit #1: So, they fired everyone in your department, but they offered you to stick around for two months and help them with the transition period?
Suit #2: Yeah, they said that there was a very good chance they would keep me on a permanent basis if everything went well.
Suit #1: And you said…
Suit #2: I told them to go fuck themselves. I mean, you can’t come into my house, rape my mother, and then expect me to go out drinking with you.

–3 train

Overheard by: J.J. Taveras

That International Five Ring Circus

Woman: So the Olympics are in Italy?
Man: Yeah, Torino.
Woman: Where’s that?
Man: Italy.

–Bryant Park

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Marc Mitchell

Twister is Easier with Corpses

Suit #1: So how many tombstones do we have?
Suit #2: Four.
Suit #1: All right. So we got the client, the CPA and the attorney…We gotta figure out how to get one more person involved.

–22nd & Broadway

Overheard by: E.B. Dresner

It Told Her to Go See a Psychic

Woman: I see you will be engaged by the end of the year!
Businessman lady: Great!
Woman: So can I give you a full reading?
Businessman lady: No thanks, I got a fortune cookie in my lunch.

–28th & Park

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist