Girl #1: One time I farted and there was a cute boy there and I was mortified.
Girl #2: Yes! What did you say?
Girl #1: I blamed it on a homeless person!
Girl #2: Holy crap that’s genius.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Shanon Kelley
Girl #1: One time I farted and there was a cute boy there and I was mortified.
Girl #2: Yes! What did you say?
Girl #1: I blamed it on a homeless person!
Girl #2: Holy crap that’s genius.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Shanon Kelley
Loud, garbled announcement about disrupted rush hour service in background.
Uptight lady suit, smiling anxiously: What? What did she say?
Hipster: She said, ‘Grble chzmglpt blgshqt skzdbkt…’ [Continues, accurately mimicking entire garbled announcement.]Uptight lady suit, disturbed: Oh.
–IRT Station, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Christopher Stone
Foreigner: Excusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 holding steamed milk: No. You ordered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
Foreigner, holding drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Order a fuckin’ latte, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour yourself some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!
Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the customer some milk.
Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valentine’s Day — don’t you get emotional. It’s some other holiday. Hell, it’s Christmas. [To customer] Here you go, sir! Merry Christmas!
–Starbucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave
Girl #1: That’s pretty much illegal or something.
Girl #2: They’re not really related, and she told her dad and he’s cool with it.
Girl #1: Oooh, do you wanna get some ice cream?
–M96 bus
Filthy rich mom #1: I don’t know what I’ll do this summer. I mean, my nanny has a life.
Filthy rich mom #2: Ugh, I know. That’s exactly the trouble.
–Collegiate School, W 78th St
Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.
—Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St
Suit #1: Dude, admit it: you want to go to Dorian’s.
Suit #2: No, I don’t.
Suit #1: Yes, you do. Admit it.
Suit #2: Dude, no! I want to talk to chicks, not rape them.
–Tortilla Flats, Washington Street
Overheard by: Initials
Teen guy #1: So, what did she look like?
Teen guy #2: Oh, dude, she had the most perfect body. She was like, 26-34-26!
–Tonic Bar
Four-year-old #1: Ice cream makes your head fall off.
Four-year-old #2: No, it doesn’t.
Four-year-old #1: It was just an expression, asshole.
Four-year-old #2, to his dog: Don’t let him pet you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: amused tourist
Guy: Well, William can be Bill, Robert can be Bob, and John can be Jack.
Girl: John can be Jack?
Guy: Yeah, you know, like sometimes John Kennedy was called Jack Kennedy.
Girl: Then why did they call him Robert?
–Diner, 22nd & 3rd
