Southern high school teacher to tour group: … Because you are going to be either mugged, raped, or murdered. That is what I’m thinking is going to happen to me on these crazy New York City streets, so be alert.
Student: My parents paid for this trip?
–Outside Hampton Inn, 51st & 8th
Overheard by: jco
Student #1: Mister, what are some jobs I could look into if I got a Math major?
Teacher: Oh, there’s lots of options! You could be an engineer… an accountant…
Student #2: … A wizard…
–Stuyvesant High School
Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!
–FIT
Teacher: In France and Canada the governments are actually offering money to people who have more children.
Student: What if your baby, like, exploded or something? Would they take the money back?
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: What?!
Student: Are all furry animals primates?
Anthropology teacher: Is your dog a primate?
Student: No.
Anthropology teacher: Is a rat a primate?
Student: No.
Anthropology teacher: Is the stuff that gets stuck in your drain a primate?
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Arrogant freshman: Well, I find the whole drafting process a little counter-redundant.
Writing professor: No, it’s productive.
Arrogant freshman: I tend to disagree. I think it’s counter-redundant.
Writing professor: No, the word! The phrase is ‘counter-productive.’ [Mumbles] Fucking smartass.
–NYU
Tutor: So did you understand the story you read for homework?
Girl student: The first time I read it, I didn't understand it. But the second time, I was mad fucking high, and I got it.
–Oriental Boulevard, Brooklyn
Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family!
–Trump Building
Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too
Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other.
–Queens
Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to.
–Governors Island ferry
Overheard by: boring
Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but…
–4th Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Jessica
British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is!
–Silver Center, NYU
English teacher: I tell her I can’t come to bed because I’m working. So basically, the definition [of a Penolopean web] is doing something to avoid doing something you don’t want to do.
Kid: Are you saying you’d rather plan our lessons than have sex with your wife?
English teacher: [Leaves the room.]
–LaGuardia High
Overheard by: ToMuchInfo
Ethics lecturer, to room of lawyers: Can I call a witness I think is going to lie?
Lawyer: … On the telephone?
–Practising Law Institute, 52nd & 7th
