Teacher: Do you know anything about gang signs?
Ginger student: Do you think I know anything about gang signs? I'm as white as can be!
–Stuyvesant High School
Teacher: Do you know anything about gang signs?
Ginger student: Do you think I know anything about gang signs? I'm as white as can be!
–Stuyvesant High School
Teacher: How come the people in Australia don’t fall off the bottom of the Earth?
First grade girl: Super Glue!
First grade boy: Because they have their shoes on!
–P.S. 86, Bronx
Overheard by: Wendy
Docent: I'm sorry, sir. Only staff are allowed in the elevator at this time. The roof is closed due to bad weather.
Man: But the museum closes in thirty minutes. This is my last chance. I really don't mind a few raindrops.
Docent: Sorry sir, staff only.
Man: Could you please get a staff member to take me up then? I came all the way from Jersey for this.
–The Met
TA guy: There are different types of pains, some of which go all the way to the brain and others that only go to the spinal cord.
Ashley Olsen: So do, like, emotional pains go to the brain?
–NYU Psychology building, Washington Place
Overheard by: bvo
Architecture professor: You're all nodding off. Go splash some water on your face. Methamphetamines… Go out in the hall. Have any of you tried methamphetamines?
Class: No.
Architecture professor: No? How about heroin?
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
Teacher: So, “third person omniscient” means the narrator knows the thoughts and feelings of everyone in the story. It's almost like God is telling the story.
Student: Or Chuck Norris.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Professor: Why do people take drugs? Because their lives suck. That's right…all of you.
–Manhattan College
Chemistry professor, discussing quantum physics: If you beat on something hard enough, you can get it to do what you want!
–St. John's University, New York City
Property professor, after playing Barbra Streisand's version of "Not While I'm Around": Now, is that the same song as Steven Sondheim's version in Sweeney Todd?? (dreamily) Well, when Barbra Streisand does a song…is it ever the same song?
–St. John's Law School
Overheard by: Cori
Professor: If Obama wins the election, I'll buy you all beer.
–The Cooper Union
Professor: So the way Saint Augustine broke the Lord's commandment not to steal (nobody in class is listening) Was all just his way of honoring the Lord's law, by creating his own. It's sort of like when you have a child that's not allowed to stay up past nine but he knows his parents can stay up as late as they want, so in an act of rebellion he smears his shit all over the walls.
–NYU
Professor: Now, for your presentations, there is a time limit. If you go over nine minutes, I will cut you. (silent pause) …off.
–City College of New York
Student #1: Yo, who cares about the surrender at Yorktown?
Student #2: Actually, that's mad important.
Student #1: Oh, really?
Teacher: Well, if the British hadn't surrendered we'd all (in a British accent) talk like this and sound ridiculous.
Student #1: Um, no, if that had happened I'd probably be in Pakistan, in my village, farming.
Student #2: You'd be dead because the British had control of Pakistan too.
Student #1: And you'd be working a factory in China!
–Stuyvesant High School
Professor: If you’ll notice, in these studies, there are some where they only have samples of males. Can anyone tell me why that might be?
Student: Because men die.
–Hunter College, cultural anthropology classroom
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
Southern high school teacher to tour group: … Because you are going to be either mugged, raped, or murdered. That is what I’m thinking is going to happen to me on these crazy New York City streets, so be alert.
Student: My parents paid for this trip?
–Outside Hampton Inn, 51st & 8th
Overheard by: jco
