Elderly clown-whore #1: I mean, how far can you spread yourself?
Elderly clown-whore #2: Oh, yes, you can’t spread yourself very far without your stomach starting to hurt.
Elderly clown-whore #1: Yes, you know how much my stomach hurt that time.
–Astor Garden, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: KittyKat
Brooklyn guy: All I’m sayin’ is it goes without sayin’.
–Brooklyn bound D train
Overheard by: Robert Barry Francos
Hoochie on cell: I don’t want that. I’m looking for sauce. Sauce sauce sauce sauce sauce! S-A-U-S-C-E. Sauce!
–Waldbaum’s, Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Liz the Overheardista
Teen girl: Do you think Christmas will ever be on Friday the 13th?
–Times Square
Woman in elevator: She said 13…Where’s 13? What the… fuck? There’s no 13. Should I press 12? Or 14? What?…She said 13. Well I’ll just press both.
–22nd & Broadway
Overheard by: staring at the button for 13
Elderly woman, regarding painting: Would you look at the detail he put into this. It almost looks two dimensional.
–The Met
Overheard by: s.gothman
Tween boy: Did the dinosaurs come before or after Bible times?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Omg! He did not just ask that!
Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?
–49th & 7th
Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?
–Egyptian Wing, the Met
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.
–UCBT, 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Tobster
Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.
—Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus
Overheard by: Sara
Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.
–1 train
Overheard by: i like toes
Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.
–34th & 8th
Woman: Is there a specific exhibit you’d like to see?
Man: Yeah, I want to see the dinosaurs!
–The Met
Overheard by: Susie
Well-dressed woman to well-dressed man: It’s not my ears, it’s your ass.
–3rd Ave between 11th & 12th
Overheard by: Heather DuCharme
Black guy to white girl: Hey, Slim Goodie! I wanna take you home and fatten you up right now! Some KFC, that’s all you need to juice that ass up.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Sarah Bitchards
Girl to friend: Girl, you know you got a hobbit ass
–Steps outside the Met
Overheard by: Dawn Duffey
Confused young man: So… this museum is mainly to do with art?
Bored guard: Yes.
Confused young man: Oh.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art, European Art Section
Old Jewess #1: So this hooker comes up to us, both of us, and offers us a menage a trois.
Old Jewess #2: I once visited that museum.
–The Met
Woman: No thanks, the shoes just didn’t look good on me.
Salesguy: Thanks for trying.
Woman: Uh, you’re welcome?
–Steve Madden, East 86th Street
Overheard by: Lucy
Old man: Is this bench for young people or old people? Because I only sit with the young.
Woman: It’s for everyone.
Old man: Well, since it’s Christmastime, I’ll sit with you.
–Roosevelt Island station
Overheard by: Suriya
Man #1: You can tell she loves her son.
Man #2: Who?
Man #1: Mary.
Man #2: Mary who?
Man #1: There.
Man #2: …George, that’s a painting of Mary and Jesus. Of course she loves her son.
–The Met
Hobo: Jesus is our savior! Worship him, he’s done good things for us! He is the son of God!
Man: Sorry, what was that name again?
Hobo: Jesus! Jesus our savior!
Man: Oh, Jesus Christ?
Hobo: Yes, Jesus Christ.
Man: Oh, okay.
–A train
Guy: Somebody stole the baby Jesus! I’m appalled!
Hobo: Jesus isn’t born until Christmas.
–Houston & Sullivan
Girl #1: So did you guys fuck all night?
Girl #2: Yeah, till I had to stop to smoke a cigarette because I needed to throw up…I felt so fat just laying there while he rabbit-humped me.
–The Met
Overheard by: Aubrey DiScalo
