Why Stephen Hawking Retired: Explained

Chulo #1: What sign are you?
Chula: Aries. You?
Chulo #2: Asshole. That's his sign: asshole.
Chulo #1: Naw, man. It's cancer.
Chulo #2: Why do so many people believe in that astrology shit?
Chulo #1: Because it's true!
Chula: It's so true. I've got all the personality traits. Like, I think I know everything. I get along real well with Leos, we're all bossy together. What sign are you?
Chulo #2: Scorpio.
(chula and chulo #1 laugh knowingly)
Chula: Oh, yeah, you know what that means. You're a lover.
Chulo #2: Ha ha, yeah?
Chula: You see someone and like that, you're in love. And then, two weeks later, you don't want nothing to do with her.
Chulo #2: Um… No… I mean, not really…
Chulo #1: Yeah, man, it's all true. Written in the stars.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on July 23, 2015
Insults, Latinos, Magic, Questions, Trains Not Subway

Not As Bad As These Gay Headlines

Little boy: Hey mister, wanna hear a funny joke?
Old man: No.
Little boy: Okay, here it goes…A man walks into a bar…”Ouch!” Ha, ha, ha! Get it?
Old man: That’s the weakest shit I’ve ever heard.

–A train

Posted on July 22, 2015
Old People, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!

–77th & Columbus

Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.

–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway

Overheard by: Maddie

Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?

–W 16th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"

–Broadway & John St

Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!

–Houston St

Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Kristin

Posted on July 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Ass, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Love, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Pee, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Soho, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Readers: Answer This Mature Query

Fratboy: So my mom asks me the other day, “Do you plan on working 5 days a week, then going on 2 day benders for the rest of your life?”. I was like, “yeah”. What should I be doing, staying home and watching television with her?

–LIRR

Posted on July 16, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Frat Boys, Parents, Questions, Trains Not Subway

They Say the Neon Lights Aren't Too Bright on Broadway

Clueless girl: Wait, is Rent about AIDS?
Slightly less clueless girl: Yeah.
Clueless girl: Oh, shit! Now I get it!

–LIRR Train

Overheard by: c

Posted on July 10, 2015
AIDS, Default, Girls, Questions, Theater, Trains Not Subway

Further Evidence That Men Will Say Anything to Get Laid

Woman to boyfriend: You're so right, that man's a liar and a thief! How fucking dare he!
Boyfriend: How dare he, indeed! Now lemme tell ya: if he do it again, shit, I don't even fuckin' care! I'll cut his fuckin' kidneys out! In full view of da NYPD–I don't give a shit. In fact, I want them to see me and convict me!

–L Train

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on July 7, 2015
Boyfriends, Insults, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, Women

And, Non-Coincidentally, the Last Time We Were Hired to Babysit

Girl #1: Where should we go, posh?
Girl #2: Posh? When did we go to posh again?
Girl #1: That was the night we left those Irish kids on the park bench.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on July 2, 2015
Girls, Kids, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Communicating Through Language Has Taken Our Relationship to a Whole New Level

20-something man #1: So you got a rap job?
20-something man #2: Yeah. My girl loves it.
20-something man #1: Really?
20-something man #2: Yeah, she thinks I'm, like, intellectual. It's like, it's not rap to her. It's like…words, ya know?
20-something man #1: I hear ya, man…

–LIRR

Posted on June 30, 2015
Jobs & Careers, Men, Music, Trains Not Subway, Words

Guess Whether or Not I’d Save You

Conductor to a group of passengers: You should flip the seats back, this is going to be a crowded train.
Passenger #1: Well, what if we lied down and pretended to be corpses or something? People wouldn’t take our seats then.
Conductor: No, people would just come and sit on you.
Passenger #2: But what if we were just like “We’re not dead yet!”?
Conductor: Well, they’d still sit on you, so you probably would be dead soon.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: alison

Posted on June 28, 2015
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Death, Default, Public Transportation, Strangers, Trains Not Subway

Not Anymore, Right?

Male passenger: One of her daughters has head lice, so she didn't come in to work today.
Female companion (wincing): That's ridiculous! It's not like she has AIDS or something!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Posted on June 27, 2015
AIDS, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Passengers, Trains Not Subway

Trains Not Subway