College girl #1: Last night was amazing.
College girl #2: With the three West Point guys?
College girl #1: Yeah. When I got back to my room they were all passed out there. The one who was rolled in puke was in my bed. I wish more nights were like that.
–Columbia University
Guy: Are you okay?
Girl, looking sickly: Oh, I’m fine.
Guy: Okay, as long as nothing untoward happens.
Girl: You mean, like, toward your crotch?
Guy: Um, what?
Girl: Don’t worry, I won’t throw up on you or try to give you head.
Guy: Uh, okay…
–F train
Enormous black lady on cell, laughing: What you do to my baby? What you do to my baby?! Ewww! You threw up on my baby?! Why you threw up on my baby?! You better watch it — I got you! I’m gonna get you!
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: wait, what??
Drunk chick to another: I keep feeding you but you keep throwing up, and I keep giving you alcohol but you’re still mad. What should I do?
–Diner, 9th Ave
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman at pay phone: Maybe she threw up because of the heat, or maybe because she’s just a harlot. I don’t know!
–Union Square
Dude: When I get off the train I am throwing up, but that doesn’t mean the party’s over.
–6 train, between 33rd & 42nd
Snotty woman: Excuse me, your friend is throwing up. You need to do something about it.
Drunk girl: I didn’t throw up, I fucking spit.
Friend: Shhh… Just ignore her.
Drunk girl: No, she’s a bitch. I didn’t do anything. I want to spit on her.
Friend: No! Let’s go find another place to stand. [Drunk girl turns and spits on woman as she’s leaving.] I can’t believe you just did that! Walk faster before you get arrested!
–5th Ave
Drunk hipster #1: Hey, are you okay?
Drunk hipster #2, looking at girl in Houndstooth pattern coat: Yeah, I just didn’t realize how drunk I was until I started staring at that girl’s coat, and now I think I’m gonna throw up.
–Matchless Bar, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Aria Grillo
Puking girl: At least I’m getting rid of calories.
Friend helping her: That’s right.
Puking girl: And I don’t like calories.
–Pier 60, Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: gleebster
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
Roommate #1 scrubbing carpet: Do you think I’m making this look worse?
Roommate #2: I think the only way you could make it look worse is by throwing up on it again…
–Fordham University dorm
Overheard by: Raquel A
Guy to girlfriend: I just threw up Captain Crunch for you! I just tossed some Rice Krispies!
–BED club
Overheard by: Vikas
Suit on cell: No, I didn’t say you vomited on your shoes, I said who vomited on your shoes!
–14th & 6th
JAP: Honestly, if I have to hear about one more candlelight vigil for Darfur I might throw up.
–8th & University
Girl to guy: Oh my god, I could totally throw up on you right now.
–Baruch College, 25th & Lex
Angry mom holding small plastic bag under small boy’s mouth: Vomit! Vomit! Vomit! Vomit!
–W 57trh St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Passenger #1: Boy, this elevator is slow! It’s worse than in the projects!
Passenger #2: Yeah, but there’s less urine here.
Passenger #3: Less throw up, too.
–Elevator, office building, Midtown
