At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Posted on June 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Fat People, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Vomit, Weirdness

If It’s Throw Up on a Plate, Then It’s Called Curry

Her: I don’t care how hungry I am, I’m not gonna eat a plate of somethin’ that looks like throw up!
Him: Well I’m gonna go inside and eat my throw up and you can wait out here or whatever, I don’t care.

–1st Ave. between 6th & 7th St.

Overheard by: K. Thor Jensen

Posted on June 23, 2015
Idiots, Lower East Side, Vomit

The Post Calls Their Performance Art “Edgy and Exhilarating”

Drunk guy: Did I puke on you?
Drunk girl (holding half-full pitcher and cup): You might have puked on me, but I peed and spilled beer on myself to rinse it off.

–N Train

Overheard by: Abbey C

Posted on June 2, 2015
Default, Drunks, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Vomit, Weirdness

Like Amy Fisher and Lindsay Lohan

Drunk Long Island girl #1: I am so wasted and I haven’t even thrown up yet!
Drunk Long Island girl #2: It’s like, we’re drunk and we’re from Long Island. We should be all… proper and shit.

–29th & 7th

Overheard by: 100% not drunk

Posted on May 30, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Etiquette, Long Island, Manhattan, Vomit

Also the Argument for Laxative Abuse

Guy: I guess I’d rather be bulimic than anorexic.
Girl: Oh, why?
Guy: Well, I guess it’s the more satisfying eating disorder, cause you can taste yourself getting skinnier every time you vomit!

–40th & Park

Overheard by: Mal

Posted on May 11, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Psychology, Street, Vomit, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

This Reality Show Has Gone Way Off Script

Crackhead: Excuse me, miss, but you don’t look so good. Are you okay?
Hot, drunk chick vomiting in a trashcan: I’m supposed to be asking you that!

–66th St, Lincoln Center station

Posted on March 17, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Druggies, Girls, Physical appearance, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Vomit

You So Stupid You Puke From Your Ass

Meathead #1: I think I just threw up in my pants.
Meathead #2: Cool.

–51st & 2nd

Posted on March 6, 2015
Clothing, Meatheads, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Vomit

…In Your Honor, Ralph.

20-something #1: I'm so glad you're here.
20-something #2: You don't even know how glad I am… I'm totally going to throw up tonight.

–Bar, 17th St & 7th Ave

Posted on January 24, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Happiness, Vomit

Projectile Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Barf between the cars, asshole!

–PATH train

Girl on phone: Well… We can cuddle, and then I’ll be like, ‘Get off!’ and then I’ll puke, okay?

–JJ’s Place, Columbia University

Overheard by: Rachel Lindsay

Girlfriend pushing drunken boyfriend through crowd, to bystander: Work with me here, baby — he’s throwing up all over you, and you’re still not moving.

–Rained-out Game Two, Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Alison Steedman & Jeff Gilbert

Woman: There’s no better time to scream your boyfriend’s name than when you’re puking all over his bed.

–Party, 16th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: McFreaky

Little girl: 50 dollars. But if you vomit, it’s free!

–76th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Rachel

Lady with accent pointing at man hunched over seat: Oh, is he throw up?

–4 train

Overheard by: fellow rider who also didn’t sit

Little boy to baby brother: Stop throwing up on me!