Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Promote Cavities

Big lady: What!? No snow cones? For shame! For shame, motherfucker.

–Bodega, 31st & 2nd

Overheard by: liza

80-ish woman: When has the proof ever been in the pudding?!

–N train

Mom to kid: What do you want? No candy, so don’t even look down there. Do you want a doughnut?

–Fire Island Ferry Terminal

Girl to frat boy: Uh, yeah, I just wanted to let you know what happened last night. You squirted maple syrup into my eye and my contact fell out! I had to walk home with one eye and syrup in the other!

–Union Square

Overheard by: BSBJ

White boy eating pocky: Now, the most important rule of pocky is this — do not let Asian kids know that you have pocky, because they will rape you for it, and then you will not have anymore pocky.

–Stuyvesant High

Ghetto girl: Tameesha! What? Ain’t nothin’ organic ’bout no fudge!

–The Met Market, 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey

Wednesday One-Liners Sharpen Their Shanks

Thugette on cell: Yeah, I’m planning on getting arrested this weekend. That’s my new thing now. Instead of going to the club and shit, I’m just going to get arrested.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Clitoris Rex

Metrosexual: Oh my god! Did you hear that Paris Hilton just escaped from prison?

–Broadway & Prince

Mom eating fried chicken: I always thought Penn Station stop was named after a penitentiary…

–A train

Overheard by: Denning

Mocking cop to dude he just arrested: You’ve got jail!

–West Village

Just Say No to Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: So, the ecstasy turned out to be Excedrin.

–Financial District

Stooped street character: Free drugs for teenagers! Free drugs for teenagers!

–Spring St, between Thompson & Sullivan

Overheard by: Monica P.

Boy to girl: Giving up marijuana is like giving up sandwiches — it just doesn’t make sense.

–Washington Square Park

Southern tourist to dreadlocked conductor: Does the ticket come with marijuana, or is that extra?

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Erin

Cop: The park is closed! Please take your cocaine, your heroin, and your mari-ji-juana elsewhere!

–Washington Square

With These Wednesday One-Liners, I Thee Wed

Man on phone: I thought you were calling to tell me you’re getting married. That would have been terrible.

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Lisa

Metromosexual on cell: Lady-fag and Rainblow Brite are getting married.

–Bedford & 5th, Brooklyn

Little Asian girl talking on toy cell: What? Tomorrow? Marry you?!

–Waiting room, Ft Greene Department of Health

Overheard by: nooners

Angry woman to loser husband: If you want this marriage to work, we need to move to Baltimore.

–Starbucks, 59th & Lex

Girl on cell: No, I don’t think sleeping with her again will help… Because, honestly, you shouldn’t be sleeping with anybody else… I mean, Jesus Christ, we are engaged!

–Starbucks, 23rd & 6th

Man to woman: So, he told you he wasn’t dating anybody, but he didn’t tell you he was married?

–11th & Broadway

Oh, Get Your Wednesday One-Liners Out of the Gutter

Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.

–810 7th Ave

Overheard by: Jatmos

Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!

–Coffee shop

Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.

–NYU

Overheard by: woods comma elle

Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.

–The Dalton School

Overheard by: Marissa

The Mad Hatter’s Wednesday One-Liners

Lady yuppie: I mean, at first I thought he was seriously psycho, but then I started to think, Maybe he’s just being creative…

–Outside NY Public Library

Overheard by: Miss_Rach

Black guy to himself: I’m not like the rest of you — I’m just an ordinary loon!

–52nd & 3rd

Overheard by: what?

Hobo: Does anybody have Amy Fisher’s phone number? I love crazy chicks!

–R train

Old woman to middle-aged woman: You have to walk on the crazy side of the street.

–2nd & 7th, Park Slope

Overheard by: D-Law

Lady to another, pointing at Borough Hall: Is that place a mental institution?

–Stuyvesant Pl, outside SI Borough Hall

You Have Received a Friend Request from Wednesday One-Liners. Do You Wish to Accept?

Girl on cell: What the fuck? I mean, if you want to say hi, just write it on my Facebook wall!

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: alxie

Dude: I really want to sign up with eHarmony, but I can’t think of three things I am thankful for.

–8th & Broadway

Black teen girl: Can’t nobody talk shit about her now, ’cause they know we’re with her. I mean, she’s in our Top Three on MySpace!

–23rd & 8th

Sketchy doctor: I Google everything! I treat my patients with Google.

–Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, 98th & Madison

Pimp My Wednesday One-Liners

Guido: You know what it would mean if I drove a Saab? It would mean I have a big dick.

–Sheepshead Bay theater

Overheard by: sprinkles

JAP on cell: Well, if you guys need a ride I need to call Daddy and tell him to bring the Infinity, not the BMW… Wow, that sounded really JAP-y.

–49th, between 8th & 9th

Restaurant flyer guy: Why a Lamborghini costs so much we don’t know, but we do have food!

–96th & 3rd

Overheard by: Drewster

Guy: We either gotta pay the Russian drivers, threaten the Russian drivers, or kill the Russian drivers.

–Financial District

Ghetto lady: That’s the only thing you can do in a van with no air conditioning — sing.

–Maspeth & Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Be Illin’

Man on cell: I have a rash there, too!

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Ewww!

Girl to friends: So yeah, I found out today that I have second-hand ADD…

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: the doc

Barker to another who spit on him: Man, why you spittin’? What if you got laryngitis? Your next customer’s gonna get AIDS!

–Astroland, Coney Island

Overheard by: Greg Costello

Feminine real estate broker guy on cell: … And then tuberculosis Betty walked in!

–Real estate office, 47th & Madison

Overheard by: Felago

Girl on cell: Honestly, if you have leukemia, you should not be doing coke.

–34th & 8th

Dr. Frankenstein’s Wednesday One-Liner Buffet

Dude: Civilizations have dried and died on my chest.

–D train

Tween: … And I’m like, ‘Hello, clit.’

–E Houston

Girl: I keep picturing your eye in my stomach.

–1 train

Overheard by: Emily

Little girl: Mom! That girl’s poking her eyebrow at me!

–70th & Broadway

Asian girl: I should be paying for all this. It’s just going to all end up on my face anyways.

–Food Emporium, Murray Hill

Overheard by: Jesse

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