Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
Lady yuppie: I mean, at first I thought he was seriously psycho, but then I started to think, Maybe he’s just being creative…
–Outside NY Public Library
Overheard by: Miss_Rach
Black guy to himself: I’m not like the rest of you — I’m just an ordinary loon!
–52nd & 3rd
Overheard by: what?
Hobo: Does anybody have Amy Fisher’s phone number? I love crazy chicks!
–R train
Old woman to middle-aged woman: You have to walk on the crazy side of the street.
–2nd & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Lady to another, pointing at Borough Hall: Is that place a mental institution?
–Stuyvesant Pl, outside SI Borough Hall
Girl on cell: What the fuck? I mean, if you want to say hi, just write it on my Facebook wall!
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: alxie
Dude: I really want to sign up with eHarmony, but I can’t think of three things I am thankful for.
–8th & Broadway
Black teen girl: Can’t nobody talk shit about her now, ’cause they know we’re with her. I mean, she’s in our Top Three on MySpace!
–23rd & 8th
Sketchy doctor: I Google everything! I treat my patients with Google.
–Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, 98th & Madison
Guido: You know what it would mean if I drove a Saab? It would mean I have a big dick.
–Sheepshead Bay theater
Overheard by: sprinkles
JAP on cell: Well, if you guys need a ride I need to call Daddy and tell him to bring the Infinity, not the BMW… Wow, that sounded really JAP-y.
–49th, between 8th & 9th
Restaurant flyer guy: Why a Lamborghini costs so much we don’t know, but we do have food!
–96th & 3rd
Overheard by: Drewster
Guy: We either gotta pay the Russian drivers, threaten the Russian drivers, or kill the Russian drivers.
–Financial District
Ghetto lady: That’s the only thing you can do in a van with no air conditioning — sing.
–Maspeth & Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn
Man on cell: I have a rash there, too!
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Ewww!
Girl to friends: So yeah, I found out today that I have second-hand ADD…
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: the doc
Barker to another who spit on him: Man, why you spittin’? What if you got laryngitis? Your next customer’s gonna get AIDS!
–Astroland, Coney Island
Overheard by: Greg Costello
Feminine real estate broker guy on cell: … And then tuberculosis Betty walked in!
–Real estate office, 47th & Madison
Overheard by: Felago
Girl on cell: Honestly, if you have leukemia, you should not be doing coke.
–34th & 8th
Dude: Civilizations have dried and died on my chest.
–D train
Tween: … And I’m like, ‘Hello, clit.’
–E Houston
Girl: I keep picturing your eye in my stomach.
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily
Little girl: Mom! That girl’s poking her eyebrow at me!
–70th & Broadway
Asian girl: I should be paying for all this. It’s just going to all end up on my face anyways.
–Food Emporium, Murray Hill
Overheard by: Jesse
Guy to enthralled friends: … And they were trying to rush him to the hospital, but they couldn’t leave because the fuckin’ monkey was banging on the window! And they couldn’t back up the car because they didn’t want to run over the monkeys! And the cameraman is yelling, ‘Run over the fucking monkey! Run over the fucking monkey!’ It was so unprofessional.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Hoochie mom to child, looking at sea lions: Look, honey, the zoo keeper is feeding the dolphins.
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Carey and Echo Doppler
Idiot to another: So, some summer we should go out to Cincinnati and spend the summer building an aardvark.
–Fulton St station
Overheard by: Johnny Twisto
Suit frantically screaming on cell: My horse, my business! My horse, my business!
–Outside Union Square station
Hobo: It’s all about survival, man! I been fightin’ my whole life. I killed so many people… Then you gotta fight the land animals! Soon they throw you in the water and you fightin’ alligators and sharks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Tom
Girl in OSU shirt: I, like, didn’t go to Ohio State, but I still cheer for them because I grew up in Columbus. Still, I don’t see why most people cheer for schools’ teams they never went to. Like, I know so many people that cheer for the Eagles, but it’s not like they went to Eagles School or anything.
–2 train
Overheard by: Dice To That
Water guy: Ice cold water! Get your ice cold water for one dollar! [Guy walks by with Red Sox hat.] Two dollars for Red Sox fans!
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Bronwyn
Tourist girl: Strawberry Fields? Isn’t that, like, a song or something? Or is it that baseball movie with the ghosts?
–Central Park, Strawberry Fields
Overheard by: Erin
Jersey thug: If my job was to be Mr. Met, I’d just caress young bitches all day.
–Shea Stadium
Little boy to father, who’s flipping through sports section: If you do something really bad, but you play sports, you won’t get locked up!
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: CEF
Asian dude to friends: So, he told me that you shouldn’t drink water after eating watermelon or else the seeds would grow in your stomach, and I was like, ‘Are you kidding me? That’s apple juice!’
–Bronx Science
Thug teen: I can’t drink soda. I drink soda, I’m drunk.
–J train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Chick: In a Snapple bottle?! How could he get it stuck in there?!
–Nostrand & Ave U
Bimbette: I wanna be a fly on the wall. You know — just an eyeball in the Kool-Aid.
–E train
Overheard by: Ashley
Black guy to scene kid: Yo, he’s got that Mountain Dew haircut.
–23rd St
Conductor: Please take all possessions, including newspapers, bags, and litter, including empty bottles of Snapple — the official drink of New York City — and enjoy what is left of your weekend.
–A train
Overheard by: Sarah
Enormous black lady on cell, laughing: What you do to my baby? What you do to my baby?! Ewww! You threw up on my baby?! Why you threw up on my baby?! You better watch it — I got you! I’m gonna get you!
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: wait, what??
Drunk chick to another: I keep feeding you but you keep throwing up, and I keep giving you alcohol but you’re still mad. What should I do?
–Diner, 9th Ave
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman at pay phone: Maybe she threw up because of the heat, or maybe because she’s just a harlot. I don’t know!
–Union Square
Dude: When I get off the train I am throwing up, but that doesn’t mean the party’s over.
–6 train, between 33rd & 42nd
