Girl: Ugh! And it smelled like a fucking frat basement in there!
–7th Street & 1st Avenue
Overheard by: Heather
Broker on cell: Less is more? Fuck that! I want it all.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Abe
Guy: You know, when I was a kid, all the little boys in the neighborhood would sit around and jerk each other off. It was always a circle jerk.
–44th & 9th
Man: You know what I love? Farting in supermarkets.
–Broadway & 87th
Overheard by: alice townes
Woman on cell: Went to the club last night, goin’ to the club tonight, tomorrow sit on my ass: D-V-D!
–Eldridge & Stanton
Queer on cell: I mean, he left bruises and scratches all over my ass! I could barely sit down on the subway this morning! I’m telling you, if something happens to me today, the ER people are gonna think I’ve been beaten.
–23rd St between 6th and 7th
Guy on cell: Why am I walking around the West Village? Because I was around straight people all day, that’s why.
–Jane Street & 8th Avenue
Girl on cell inside bathroom stall: I’m not Asian…and I never will be!
–Failte, 2nd Avenue between 29th & 30th
Overheard by: GSK
Latina on cell: Man, I’m Spanish and even I don’t understand Spanish reggae.
–Park Slope
NYU chick on cell: You know you’re having a bad day when you break your aura.
–West 4th & Jones
Overheard by: Sam Zimman
Guy: NYU is like a disease. It’s shaping the minds of the fucking
future.
–South Street seaport
Chick on cell: Oh my god, I just totally bombed my final. But it’s not fair. It’s not my fault I got stuck in a class with all smart people. My grade’s totally going to skyrocket downwards.
–NYU, Waverly & Washington Square East
Overheard by: LMF
Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!”
–Central Park sailboat pond
Overheard by: Sarahvb
Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce!
–Rockefeller Park
Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers.
–6 train
Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julia Wright
Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk.
–6 train
Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough.
–Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper
Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends.
–Times Square
Overheard by: djlindee
Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.
–4 train
Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Josh Mueller
Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.
–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sparkle shortz
Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.
–14th & 8th
Overheard by: debo
Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?
–Pratt Institute
Guy: That’s crazy, man. That’s worse than crazy, that’s fucking psychotic! Seventy dollars for a fucking permit. Seventy, eighty dollars for a moving violation, that I understand. But seventy dollars for a fucking permit? The fucking well is running dry!
–Prospect Avenue station
Overheard by: Alison
Teen girl: Let’s order together but have them put it in separate bags. We’ll pay less tax that way.
–Wendy’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Nathan Kipe
Tourist:…no, really! The streets are so clean!
–24th & Broadway
Overheard by: Manhattman
Clerk: What’s in the box you’re shipping?
Customer: A computer.
Clerk: Where’s it going?
Customer: Spain.
Clerk: Is that domestic?
Customer: No, that’d be fairly international.
–Kinko’s, Duane Street
Overheard by: Joshua Cody
Girl: Bitch, for the last time, Spain is not part of Latin America!
–Columbia University dorm
Guy on cell: Dude, I’m looking in a mirror right now, and I’m really hot. Seriously though, do you think I’m really hot or just average?…But you haven’t seen me since I got rid of my hair…
–North Six, Williamsburg
Drunk guy: Yeah, she’s a model. Anybody that pretty has a 6 pound dog, she’s a model.
–Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: Diane
Chick on cell: I don’t know if it’s his complete lack of direction in life or his total depression, but I find him like soooo freaking hot.
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Midwestern mom: Oh my word, that mannequin has nipples!
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Girl: Whoa, that building is tall!
–Empire State Building
Southern lady on cell: New York City, New York…Yes, I’d like the listing for Starbucks…You mean there’s more than one?
–Times Square
Woman on cell: They have strange stores here. She made me come to this place called Archaeology.
–Anthropologie, 5th Avenue
Overheard by: rehey11
Tourist chick: OK, this is 14th Avenue, we are only three stops away, we should prepare to get out. OK, everybody stand up and get to the doors right now!
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
