Girl #1: You’re a doctor?
Girl #2: Yeah–you didn’t know that?
Girl #1: Well, I only know you on a wrestling level.
Girl #3: Wow, that is *so* New York.
–Rooftop party, Bedford St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gnomies
Girl #1: You’re a doctor?
Girl #2: Yeah–you didn’t know that?
Girl #1: Well, I only know you on a wrestling level.
Girl #3: Wow, that is *so* New York.
–Rooftop party, Bedford St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gnomies
Hot Asian chick to boyfriend, about former boyfriend: He actually told me he liked fucking me because of my “almond eyes.”
Boyfriend: Where do you find these guys?
Hot Asian chick: I know, right?
Boyfriend: I like fucking you because you come at least once a minute.
Hot Asian chick: Take me home now!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: …can i borrow her
Queer #1: But what if we got all the men in the school to jack off? Do you think it could fill the pool?
Queer #2: I don’t think so.
Queer #1: Really? We’re talkin every guy at school.
Queer #2: Well… maybe a kiddie pool. And even then it would probably only be a thin film.
Queer #1: What if they saved up their cum in jars for a week, and then dumped it in?
Queer #2: I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.
–Public Theater
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Woman: I’d like a latte with percent milk.
Barista: Percent? You mean “two percent”?
Woman: No, just regular percent milk.
Barista: (…)
Woman, condescendingly: There’s whole milk, and there’s skim milk, and then in-between, there’s percent milk. Got it?
Barista: You’re gettin two percent. I hope that works for you.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Carol
Mid 40s black man: Well, how will you know where to find her?
Quasi-homeless black man: She got big drawers?
Mid 40s black man: Well, yeah.
Quasi-homeless black man: She got big drawers, I’ll find her!
–123rd & Adam Clayton Powell
Overheard by: he’s asked to see my drawers before
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA?
Patient older brother: No.
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA.
Patient older brother: Stop it.
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA!
–22nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Flynn
Guy #1: Yeah man, she only had a twin-size bed, so I had to sleep on the floor next to her.
Guy #2: Dude, that fucking sucks.
Guy #1: Nah, it’s cool. I was so drunk I peed my pants, right there under the bed.
Guy #2: Fierce.
–53rd & Lexington
Woman: Excuse me, where is your bathroom?
Cashier: I’m sorry, we don’t have a bathroom in this facility.
Male customer: What do you guys do when you have to use the bathroom?
Cashier: How do you think our coffee gets its unique flavor?
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Making my own Espresso from now on
NYU girl #1: There is hair everywhere in my life.
NYU girl #2: Really?
NYU girl #1: It’s literally in everything I eat.
–NYU Dorm
Straight guy #1: Dude, I like your family, but there is no way that I would blow the whole football team to save their lives.
Straight guy #2: Well, I’d blow them for your family.
Straight guy #1: Even if it was right after a game?
Straight guy #2: If I have to blow 60 guys, you think I’d give a shit if they are sweaty or not? That’s the least of it.
–In line at Just Salad, E 51st
