Old Hispanic man: Happy Birthday!
Little Hispanic girl: It’s not my birthday!
Old Hispanic man: Yes it is! Now that we live here, today is everybody’s birthday!
Little Hispanic girl: No.
Old Hispanic man: Sí! Happy Birthday!
White girl, passing by: Oh, for Christ’s sake. Why can’t they go back where they came from?
–105th & Madison
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen: Oh. Eleven.
–Roxy Deli
Overheard by: Kelsey
Headline by: Tom Dorey
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget, Your Mom’s Your Grandma And She Got That Black Eye Playing Bingo” – Kate
· “And it’s cheaper than regression therapy” – Kim
· “But He is 19 on Myspace” – DanC
· “Good Answer. Now Give Me $10 For Your Mother And Me.” – Hobo Whisperer
· “Good…now go shave your balls.” – Colin
· “If Your Mom Hadn’t Lied About her Age, You WOuldn’t Be Here Now” – Jason
· “Sorry, Not Applicable to Jews” – djingo
· “Still paying down the debt from Dad’s mid-life crisis” – Allison
· “You Know What I Like Better Than Welfare Checks? Nothing.” – Amos
· “You know I only get paid for sending them pre-teens” – kasey
Old white woman: Are you Japanese?
Young Asian Guy: I’m American.
Old white woman: But is your family Japanese?
Young Asian guy: I’m American.
Old white woman: But are you of Japanese descent?
Young Asian guy: I’m American.
Old white woman: Like from 1776?
Young Asian guy: Yes.
–32nd & 6th
Overheard by: Paul D
Black woman: You know that girl you bumped into? She was handicapped. And you didn’t say, “Excuse me.”
White boy: Um, she bumped into me.
Black woman: So, she’s handicapped. Is it her fault?
White boy: Shut the fuck up and go pick up your welfare check, you entitlement-addicted bitch.
–53rd & 5th
Hobo: That’s it. I’m revokin’ ya hood pass! Don’t go past a hundred and tenth!
–80th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Jeremy Cristol
White girl on cell: I can’t take the subway now, it’s 10 o’clock. I’m not black.
–67th & 2nd
Chinese guy: I hear people in third world countries are so hungry they eat people.
White girl: I know. I wonder, like, whether they have a conscience about it.
Chinese guy: Well, I imagine they don’t eat their own children, you know? Probably just someone else’s. It would be easier to do that, I think.
White girl: Yeah, I totally agree.
–Columbia University
White guy: There are many Africans where I live. I like them, because they’re more spiritual.
Chinese girl: They’re closer to nature.
–Verb Cafe, Bedford & N 7th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Outmacked
White dude: I’m blacker than the fucking poops you shit, son!
–Ditmas Ave
Latina: Shit, where’d all these white people come from?
–Ludlow St
Overheard by: Caroline McGraw
Guy #1 on cell: Hey it’s me. Listen, I’m about to walk into the subway, I’m gonna lose you, I just wanted to tell you that my parents are gonna be there tonight, and I know you didn’t want them to see your tattoos the first time they met you, so I wanted to tell you so you could…oh. Hi, Mrs. Goldstein.
Guy #1 to guy #2: FUCK! I cannot believe I just did that! Her mother had no idea she has tattoos.
Guy #2: I don’t see the big deal, so she has tattoos, everyone has…wait, did you say her last name was Goldstein? I get it now.
–Astor Place
Well-dressed woman to well-dressed man: It’s not my ears, it’s your ass.
–3rd Ave between 11th & 12th
Overheard by: Heather DuCharme
Black guy to white girl: Hey, Slim Goodie! I wanna take you home and fatten you up right now! Some KFC, that’s all you need to juice that ass up.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Sarah Bitchards
Girl to friend: Girl, you know you got a hobbit ass
–Steps outside the Met
Overheard by: Dawn Duffey
