White People

Call a Doctor, Wednesday One-liners!

Man: Yo, the other day I see the F arriving as I’m coming down the stairs so I run in, just making it in on time. I hold the door for this girl behind me but I slipped and her head got caught in the
closing door. She turned her head like The Exorcist and just looked at me for a second and then starting screaming. And then other people started screaming while I tried to open the doors again. The conductor finally opened up the doors and she stepped in…and stood right next to me…and stared at me until Roosevelt Island. I just got out there and waited for the next train.

–F train

Overheard by: Lee

Wednesday One-liners Are Ready for Valentine’s

Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this weekend, and got a handjob from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a handjob. With the other one…I started laughing when she started giving me a handjob, because, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was real hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the other one…The other…Yeah.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: rDave

The Brownshirts Bug Everyone

Guy #1: …he always wears the cheapest clothes but always has the most expensive sneakers!
Guy #2: Yo, white people bug me. They always wear crappy clothes, they be wearing green shirts, brown shirts…
Girl: But they always have nice cars, houses, they go on nice vacations. I’d rather wear cheap clothes and have a nice house and go on nice vacations.
Guy #1: You’re missing the point!

–N train

Overheard by: tanechka

Those Bastards Always Want to Know Things

Dude #1: What’d that guy want?
Dude #2: White guy wanted to know where the Kangol hat store was.
Dude #1: Him?
Dude #2: Yeah, must be from Jersey.

–Times Square

Overheard by: chris b.

A New High for Wednesday One-liners

White guy on cell: You ain’t got nowhere to smoke?…You ain’t got nowhere to smoke?…You can’t smoke at your grandmother’s house?

–N train

Overheard by: Vanessa Robinson

Guys Like That Much More

Asian girl: I really like sleep sex.
White girl #1: What’s that?
Asian girl: You know, when you’re sleeping and you wake up and you’re having sex. Sleep sex.
White girl #2: You mean getting raped?

–1st Avenue & 9th Street

Aim for Where Freedom Lives: The Head

Teen Asian boy: So, the spelling bee–
Teen Indian girl: Was one of the kids Indian?
Teen Asian boy: Yeah, there was an Indian kid and a white kid.
Teen Indian girl: So typical. My parents entered me in a spelling bee and I was fucking horrible.
Teen Asian boy: Ha, ha, ha! Anyway, there were those two kids and I just wanted to throw PlayStations at them and yell, “I’m setting you free! I’m setting you free!”

–McDonalds, Union Square

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Koko Just Gave Them Both the Finger

Black guy: You would like him ’cause he looks like a gorilla, and they are from the Amazon like you.
White girl: Dummy, gorillas are from Africa; you of all people
should know that.

–Liberty between Greenwich & Washington

Attack of the iPod People (NYC Short Stories)

Guy #1: My iPod called me a homo this morning.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I had it on shuffle and it played a nonstop string of Rent, Oklahoma, Barbara Streisand, Donna Summer and, best of all, Annie: The Musical.
Guy #2: Wow, you said, “Best of all, Annie.” That’s amazingly gay.

–34th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: cityhick

They Call That “Galileo’s Disease”

White girl: Since I quit, I have been blowing out the biggest boogers in the mornings.
Black guy: Boogers? I been blowin’ moons. Like the moons of Jupiter.

–1 Train

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