Flight of the Conchords Has Made This Game Tougher for Everyone.

White woman: Hi, are you Jermaine?
White male nurse: Do I look like a Jermaine to you?

–ER, Columbia Presbyterian

Overheard by: Ann

Headline by: Jared Rizzi

Runners-Up:
· “He’s Already Calling Himself Jasmine Before the Sex-Change Has Even Started.” – johnny-G
· “I’m Michael, Dammit!” – davey j.
· “My Name Tag Clearly Reads “Michael Jackson: Pediatrics”” – Matt T.
· “No, But How Many Male Nurses Are on Staff Here?” – Mike Duh Medic
· “You Look More Like an Asshole, but I Thought I’d Give You the Benefit Of the Doubt” – I never win

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on January 12, 2006
Columbia University, Gender issues, Headline Contest Winners, Hospitals, Names, Nurses, Questions, White People, Women

Korean is the New White

Little girl #1: He took out everything after we bought the house. The refrigerator, the stove, the toilet…
Little girl #2: Was he Korean? I mean, I’m Korean but that sounds so Korean.
Little girl #1: Nah, he was Italian.
Little girl #2: Koreans, Italians, French…no difference.

–Flushing

White guy: Dude, I’m going to be the only non-Asian at this party.
Asian guy: No, man, there are going to be tons of Koreans there.

–6 train

Overheard by: Elisabeth

Posted on January 6, 2006
Asians, Foreigners, Girls, On the Subway, Queens, Race, White People

It Was So Obviously a Piece of Coal

Black woman: My god. This bagel is hard as a rock!…I mean I can’t eat this shit. Can you eat this shit?
White guy: I’ll eat it.
Black woman: Ugh.
White guy: Well if you dont want to eat it, I’ll eat it. I’m hungry.
Black woman: I’m just sayin’ it’s the worst goddamn bagel I’ve ever had.
White guy: Honey, it’s from Dunkin’ Donuts. What do you expect? Domino’s ain’t good pizza and Olive Garden ain’t good Italian, either.
White chick: Dude! Next thing I know you’ll be telling her there is no Santa Claus. Go easy.

–Borough Hall 4/5 station

Overheard by: phil j

Posted on December 26, 2005
Black People, Brooklyn, Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Pizza, White People, Women

…Of Peace on Earth…

Guy: He’s the biggest fucking asshole I ever met.
Chick: Yeah.
Guy: No, I’m serious. He’s the biggest fucking asshole in existence. The biggest–
Chick: –fucking asshole–
Guy: –I ever seen. Biggest. Biggest fucking–
Chick: –asshole. I got it.
Guy: And I gave that fucker $500 to make payments on his debt, and he doesn’t listen to word I say. And I gave his daughter something–
Chick: Herpes?
Guy: Shut the fuck up. Besides that. I gave his daughter…Hey, you gonna drink that? You throwin’ that away? You don’t throw away beer!
Chick: It’s all backwash.
Guy: Give it to me.
Chick: You’re disgusting.
Guy: Don’t fucking talk to me like that.
Chick: Or you’ll give me herpes?
Guy: Not yet. But just wait.
Chick: Don’t you dare even try to touch me. Let’s go get some smoothies.
Guy: I could use a fucking smoothie.
Chick: You’re paying.
Guy: Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch.

–Original California Taqueria, Cobble Hill

Woman #1: He stepped on my foot!…He stepped on my foot!…Excuse me, you stepped on my foot.
Guy: Yeah, I know I did. You dropped that bottle on my foot.
Woman #2: It was an accident…
Woman #1: Don’t you see that my bag had a hole in it? It was an accident.
Guy: No, it wasn’t.
Woman #1: Oh yes, I did it deliberately.
Guy: That’s right you did.
Woman #1: Oh I’m so sorry I woke you from your precious sleep
Guy: Yeah, that’s right.

–B train

A suit on his cell accidentally bumps into a drunk girl on the LIRR platform.

Drunk girl: Why don’t you say “excuse me!” What the fuck? Just say “excuse me!”.

He ignores her and continues to talk on his cell. The drunk girl dumps a cup of water on his crotch. He doesn’t flinch.

Drunk girl: Yeah, bitch! Next time say “excuse me”, and maybe your crotch won’t be wet!

He finishes his conversation and gets on the train.

–Penn Station

Mixed guy: Getchoo elbow out my chest, man!
White man: Eh, I’m just holding onto the rail; it’s a packed train.
Mixed guy: Yeah, but why you got to be all up in my chest like that? Got you elbow in my chest!
White man: Well, does it even hurt?
Mixed guy: Yes. Why else would I even mention it? Respect my chest. Faggoty ass motherfucker. I gonna get the police all up in this shit, you motherfucking…respect my chest.
Irish guy: Shut up, yeh prick!

–1 train

Overheard by: Marguerite Carter

Posted on December 25, 2005
Assholes, Brooklyn, Drunks, Etiquette, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penn Station, White People

In Other Words, Old People Pants

White girl: Hey, what are your pants made of? They’re really shiny.
Asian guy: Oh, that’s probably the grease from all the food I eat. I eat a lot of greasy food. Oh, and soy milk. I spilled soy milk on myself; I “soyled” myself.

–6 train

Overheard by: LiAps

Posted on December 20, 2005
Asians, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Junk Food & Fast Food, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Vegetarian & Vegan, White People

Then He Sold Her a Mogwai

Girl #1: I was on the subway once and missed my stop and ended up in Brooklyn. Not hipster Brooklyn, I’m talking about fried chicken and people sitting on curbs Brooklyn.
Girl #2: Wow, were you scared?
Girl #1: Yeah, so I just asked a toothless 80 year old man where the closest subway station was.

–8th Street between University & 5th

Overheard by: Jasmin Livingston

Posted on December 10, 2005
Fears, Girls, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Travel, West Village, White People

They’ve Got Everything in Common

Girl #1: Oh my god, he is so cute.
Girl #2: Yeah, I told you he was like, totally hot.
Girl #3: Yeah, he is. But he is so drunk, and such a walking STD!
Girl #2: I know. I’m drunk too, though.

–83rd & 2nd

Overheard by: Mr Gemini

White chick: That girl has so many STDs; she just has to!

–Sunset Park