Deliberately Obfuscating Wednesday One-Liners

Mom to 13-year-old boy: Honey, that was really scatological.

–Bleecker & 6th

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Woman: No, tiny Katie — the one with the enormous mammary protruberances.

–R train, Queens Plaza

Overheard by: I mean I wanna squeeze ’em!

Suit mom to teen daughter: We should go, but before we do, perhaps we should urinate.

–Barnes & Noble, Court St

Overheard by: Zenana

Dude: I have many ways to distance myself from other people. Primarily gastronomically.

–12th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: tbull

Man on cell: I am so not litigious. I am, like, violently not litigious.

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nora

Girl: I mean, come on! We’re in college! Can’t the word ‘silly’ stay in the dorms? I mean, there’s a dictionary full of words that could be used to describe something so… erroneous.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Posted on March 21, 2007
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Education, Food, Pee, Rack, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness, Words

Like Anybody Has to Advertise for That in the Subway

Seven-year-old boy: Dad, what does A-N-A-L spell?
Dad, pausing and looking horrified, then relieved: Canal! There’s a C first. We’re at Canal Street.

–6 train

Posted on March 19, 2007
Kids, On the Subway, Words

Why Word-of-the-Day Calendars Should Be a Privilege, Not a Right

Teen #1: Hey, man, I think we should get our important stuff laminated. No one ever questions lamination.
Teen #2: Yeah, I could get my hall pass and be at a club and the bouncer would let me in.
Teen #1: Yeah, because of the lamination.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Toastuh

Posted on March 19, 2007
Teens, Times Square, Words

Would You Like Some Scones with That Gin N’ Juice?

Black teen #1: See ya later.
Black teen #2: Cheerio, nigga.

–School, 17th St

Overheard by: John

Posted on March 15, 2007
Black People, School, Words

‘Hokey Mokey’ Is Also Acceptable

Ghetto teen #1: Is it okay to write ‘Well, damn?!’ in a college essay?
Ghetto teen #2: No! It’s not appropriate enough. Let me see that… Damn. You sound arrogant as shit in this. Write something else.
Ghetto teen #1: What the hell am I s’posed to say? ‘Geez, Louise’?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Cyndi

Posted on March 10, 2007
Books & Writing, Columbia (& Barnard), Ghetto Chicks, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Words

Oh — We Are So Moving to Connecticut!

Little girl after dropping lollipop: Shit!
Mother: Madison!
Little girl: What? It’s not like I said ‘fuck’!

–Dylan’s Candy Bar

Posted on March 2, 2007
Kids, Moms, Store, Upper East Side, Words

Wednesday One-Liners: ‘That’s What She Said’

Biology professor to students: Now that you’ve got the basic structure, I’m going to bone you for a while.

–NYU

Overheard by: i’m in the hard class

Conductor: Okay, folks, we’re actually running ahead of schedule. We’ll be stopping for approximately 40 minutes, so if you like you can get out and spread your legs. Spread your– stretch your legs…

–Amtrak train into Penn

Overheard by: KT

Woman on cell: It’s from the car accident. I can’t really move my head, and he woke up stiff this morning, and that never happens.

–5 train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Woman: Maggie has stopped eating. She’s just not putting as many things in her mouth as she used to.

–Union Square market

Girl on cell: Hey, Mom. Hold on a second, I’m gonna three-way Dad… Oh, wow, weird.

–Jamaica Station

Overheard by: Mike

Guy on PA: Hey, Mark, could you do me a favor? Just put it in, please? Yeah, I need you to put it in right now. Thanks, Mark!

–PATH

Overheard by: Ferocious Russian

Posted on February 28, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Excellent Drivers, Excellent Drivers

Man to woman and her friend pushing a stroller: Listen, Jeanie, you like my sperm, and I like your car. I’m sure we can make a deal.

–60th & Central Park South

Firefighter after getting a call: Hey, boss, how many one-way streets do you think I can drive down the wrong way?

–Pathmark under Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: tj

Midwestern woman in preppy clothes sticking head out passenger window of sedan: Excuse me, we’re trying to merge…

–Waiting to enter Lincoln Tunnel

Overheard by: Angela

Homeless musician with Casio keyboard plays entire intro to ‘Oye Como Va,’ then sings: Oye como va, ba da da, blah blah blah blah blah! [Abruptly stops] Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what you get for not having a car.

–L train to Williamsburg

Overheard by: Subway Goer