Words

Outlaw Wednesday One-Liners

Thug to tourist taking picture: Yeah, bitch, I’m in your picture! I’m in your picture! Put it on MySpace, bitch!

–W 34th & 7th

Overheard by: nisey79

Thug to friend: Nigga, it’s hard to explain… It looked… like a decorated cosine curve!

–110th & Lenox

Overheard by: Curly Ku

Thugette to thug boyfriend: This ain’t Valentine’s Day. You slap me I’ll slap you back!

–Bronx-bound D train

Overheard by: Krissss

Thug to his baby, after carrying her stroller down the subway steps: Woo-hah, I got you all in check.

–6 train station, 59th St

Overheard by: Jackie

Thug: Shit. Jimmy Hoffa’s lucky he don’t gotta pay taxes.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: In debt on the F train

Thug: That thang was so big you could put a whole paragraph on it!

–6 train

Like a Girl with a Really Cute Boys’ Haircut

Mom: … But it was hopeless. But I was stuck there, like a little Dutch boy with my finger in a dike for two hours.
Daughter: Huh? Like, a girl?

–Basement of the MoMA

Well, Tied with “Fuck”

Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!

–Wings Academy, Bronx

Anytime I See a White Boy with a Banjo, I Melt

Ghetto girl #1: I love guys that can saaang!
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah, me too. They be marinatin’ you. That shit’s mad sexy.
Ghetto girl #1: Marinate? The fuck?! You mean ‘serenate.’ You’s a stupid-ass bitch!

–G train, Clinton-Washington station

Overheard by: all up in your grill

The Beastie Boys’ Condo is Downtown

Guy looking at billboard at construction site: The ‘One Ill Building’? That’s a stupid name for an apartment building!
Friend: You’re the dumbass. That says the ‘O’Neill Building.’

–21st & 6th

Overheard by: Pierce

Just Send Me a Text

Brooklyn guy #1: Let me tell you something…
Brooklyn guy #2: No, don’t even bother.

–B100 bus, Marine Park

Overheard by: vaughn

Nicely Deflected!

Dude #1: So, what’s the verdict with you two?
Girl: Verdict? Huh?
Dude #1: You know — what’s the verdict?
Dude #2: He wants to know what’s up between you and me.
Girl: Oh. Verdict. That’s an awfully big word.

–Flatbush-bound 2 train

Overheard by: Sonia

Stupid Dyslexia

Guy: You know what? Fuck you! F-C-U… Goddammit.
Girl: That’s right, dumbass!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: laughing my ass off

Deliberately Obfuscating Wednesday One-Liners

Mom to 13-year-old boy: Honey, that was really scatological.

–Bleecker & 6th

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Woman: No, tiny Katie — the one with the enormous mammary protruberances.

–R train, Queens Plaza

Overheard by: I mean I wanna squeeze ’em!

Suit mom to teen daughter: We should go, but before we do, perhaps we should urinate.

–Barnes & Noble, Court St

Overheard by: Zenana

Dude: I have many ways to distance myself from other people. Primarily gastronomically.

–12th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: tbull

Man on cell: I am so not litigious. I am, like, violently not litigious.

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nora

Girl: I mean, come on! We’re in college! Can’t the word ‘silly’ stay in the dorms? I mean, there’s a dictionary full of words that could be used to describe something so… erroneous.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Like Anybody Has to Advertise for That in the Subway

Seven-year-old boy: Dad, what does A-N-A-L spell?
Dad, pausing and looking horrified, then relieved: Canal! There’s a C first. We’re at Canal Street.

–6 train

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