Long-haired dude: You penised his penis with your penis!
Creepy chick: Dude! That’s, like, penis cubed!
Long-haired dude: Damn. How many penises is that?
Creepy chick: Well, three. Penis times penis times penis. Duh.
–56th & Lex
Overheard by: i never passed math
Yuppie mom: Look, honey, that girl holds her daddy’s hand when they cross the street.
Little girl: What a slut!
Yuppie mom: What?! Where did you learn that phrase?!
Little girl: Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
–8th & 2nd
Overheard by: What a Skank
Guy #1: I finished my basement this weekend.
Guy #2: You finally finished it!
Guy #2: Yeah, it's now a finished basement.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Ron
Woman #1: How are your girls?
Woman #2: They’re good. My four-year-old said something “sucked” the other day -that was fun.
–Crunch Gym, 38th St
Overheard by: Maggie
20-Something dude #1: Do you still use “lol” online?
20-Something dude #2: Nah, I use “omg” instead.
–10th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Gentleman #1: Yeah I saw that girl.
Gentleman #2: Yeah I know, she was as happy as a parking meter!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Max
Lady on cell: Yes, that’s right. N as in ‘Nancy,’ M as in ‘umbrella’…
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Conductor: This is a downtown V train — V as in ‘vasectomy.’
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Kim
MTA announcement: The next train is a Brooklyn-bound C train. C as in ‘Shelly.’
–59th St station
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Loud man on cell: No, no, her name starts with an F… No, F… F like in ‘phonics’! What? It doesn’t? Oh, well, I guess you could spell it that way, too.
–L train
Loudspeaker: This is the B-as-in-‘badass’ train. Transfer to the D and Four.
–Yankee Stadium station
Ghetto girl on cell: C… No! C — like the last letter in ‘New York.’
–103rd & Lex
Chick #1: I’m nostalgic for the ’40s.
Chick #2: You can’t be nostalgic for an era you never lived through.
Chick #1: Fine. Then I long for the ’40s to the very depth of my soul.
Chick #2: From your loins?
Chick #1: Yes. My loins… They long for the ’40s.
–Herald Square
Teenage girl #1: Do you say, “Goose-pimples”?
Teenage girl #2: No…Jewish people say that.
–81st St
Overheard by: JAP
