Hobo to unconscious friend: Yo man, let’s get some coke! I don’t be playing, let’s get some coke! [Two minutes later] Psssh, ain’t no such thing as a good kid. All them fucked up. Yo man, you look like Barry White. Anyone ever tell you that? [No response.] Stupid. [Reaches into his plastic bag and pulls out a clown mask which he puts over his face.]
–LIRR waiting area
Overheard by: pretending my train just arrived
Hippie #1: Is that Trey Anastasio from Phish?
Hippie #2: No, man, that’s a streetlight.
–Church St & Cortlandt St
Overheard by: The Faker
Girl #1: I never want to have kids.
Girl #2: Me neither, but I’d totally get pregnant with a celebrity’s kid. Then I’d be rich for the rest of my life.
–A train to Far Rockaway
Overheard by: M
Girl #1: Ha ha ha. Who said that? Stewie Griffin, right?
Girl #2: No, Kim Jong-il! Oh my god!
Girl #1: I’ve never been more ashamed of myself.
–Starbucks, W 41st
Black woman: Oh, look at this, ‘The Collected Stories of Truman Capote.’ Wow, he really looks like who played him!
Black man: Let me see that. What? You think that looks like me?
Black woman: No, no, he looks like what’s-his-name, you know, the guy who played him in the movie.
Black man: Oh! Shit, I thought you said ‘he looks like you, playa.’
Black woman: Are you crazy?
Black man: He does dress like a nigga, though.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Beeeej
Queer #1: I totally wish I knew Madonna right now.
Queer #2: Why?
Queer #1: I would totally go over to her apartment right now and talk to her about these things.
Queer #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
–West Village
Overheard by: Rachel Rockafella
Guy #1: Aww man, Anna Nicole’s son died?
Guy #2: Dude, that happened like a week ago.
Guy #3: Ask him what happened on Dragonball Z last night and I bet he could tell you!
Guy #1: Naw man, I missed it yesterday!
–114th & Broadway
Girl: Oh my God I just ran into Julianne Moore in the bathroom!
Guy: Whatever, I already saw her naked in like three movies.
–Chelsea Clearview Cinema, 23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Scott
Black chick #1: So I got my nipples pierced.
Black chick #2: No way! Let me see!
Black chick #1: Not on the train!
Black chick #2: It’s not like I haven’t seen them before. Remember at Rashon’s party, where you pulled a Janet Jackson?
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: Scott
Student: Did Mohammed invent Arabic with the Koran?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Krisztina
Dude: Help me, Mr. Bloomberg. Please help me, Mr. Bloomberg.
–Rivington & Bowery
Overheard by: Miss V
Girl: Fuckin’ Teddy Roosevelt. Who gives a shit about Teddy Roosevelt?
–5th & 10th
Tourist: I know Kenny Rogers. Doesn’t he make chicken?
–Veniero’s, 11th St
Overheard by: Caitlyn
Biker: I heard George Bush was supposed to be here. Where the hell’s that bitch nigga at?
–World Trade Center
Professor: Madonna has the vulnerability of a cash register.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl on cell: She was definitely trying to get me mad. She’s like, “Yeah, people in L.A. hate New Yorkers.” And I’m like, “Are you saying this because I said your boyfriend looks like Chuck Norris?”
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Laura
