The Weird Science of Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.

–Bryant Park

Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.

–N train, Queens

Overheard by: Morgan

Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.

–Bar, Lower East Side

Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?

–Houston and Elizabeth

Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’

–20th St & 8th Ave

Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!

–12th St & University Pl

Overheard by: Joe

Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.

–33rd & 7th

Posted on December 6, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Foreigners, Handicaps, Home, Sweet Home, Incest, Kink, Music, Tattoos, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weed, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Have ‘Roid Rage

Teen guy: My math teacher says that I should learn this stuff since it’s going to be useful, but I told her, ‘When I go to college, I’m majoring in Lacrosse.’ The coach can hire a tutor for anything else they want me to do.

–Amtrak train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Lacrosse-titute

Conductor: Fourth avenue. Transfer here to the R train on the lower level. The time is 6:36. The score is five-four, Mets. Thank you for riding MTA New York City Transit.

–F stop, 4th Ave

Overheard by: mili

Conductor: And don’t forget, you heard it here first: Yankees, five, Detroit, two. Mets… more than the other team. Anyone knows who the other team is, that’s good. Mets gonna have more runs than the other team. Next stop, 34th street.

–Downtown A train

Overheard by: Pebbles

Woman on cell: Well, I’m sorry if my commitment to the Mets is not all you had hoped it would be!

–2nd Ave & 82nd St

Overheard by: aislinn

Yankees fan: So they found Lidle’s passport… Did they find his pitching arm?

–53rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: tragedy + 2 minutes = comedy

Guy: This goddamn fucking son of a bitch! Darryl Strawberry just stole a thousand dollars from me!

–Office, 30th St

Overheard by: Bagel

B&T girl: I hate sports. I mean, I don’t even know what’s going on down there.

–On line for Slate

Overheard by: acep

Posted on November 29, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Mets, Money & Class, School and studying, Sports, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Yankees

A Fellini Film

Hobo to unconscious friend: Yo man, let’s get some coke! I don’t be playing, let’s get some coke! [Two minutes later] Psssh, ain’t no such thing as a good kid. All them fucked up. Yo man, you look like Barry White. Anyone ever tell you that? [No response.] Stupid. [Reaches into his plastic bag and pulls out a clown mask which he puts over his face.]

–LIRR waiting area

Overheard by: pretending my train just arrived

Posted on November 26, 2006
About Celebrities, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Druggies, Hobos, Offers and requests, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

If He’s That High, It Won’t Make Any Difference

Hippie #1: Is that Trey Anastasio from Phish?
Hippie #2: No, man, that’s a streetlight.

–Church St & Cortlandt St

Overheard by: The Faker

Posted on November 20, 2006
About Celebrities, Hippies, Music, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

What’s a Good Baby-Mamma Make These Days?

Girl #1: I never want to have kids.
Girl #2: Me neither, but I’d totally get pregnant with a celebrity’s kid. Then I’d be rich for the rest of my life.

–A train to Far Rockaway

Overheard by: M

Posted on November 14, 2006
About Celebrities, Bimbettes, Girls, Kids, Money & Class, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Time, Trains Not Subway

Don’t Be Silly Tiffany, You Say Stuff Like That All the Time!

Girl #1: Ha ha ha. Who said that? Stewie Griffin, right?
Girl #2: No, Kim Jong-il! Oh my god!
Girl #1: I’ve never been more ashamed of myself.

–Starbucks, W 41st

Posted on November 14, 2006
About Celebrities, Bimbettes, Starbucks, Stupidity, TV

Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s Long Awaited Street Cred

Black woman: Oh, look at this, ‘The Collected Stories of Truman Capote.’ Wow, he really looks like who played him!
Black man: Let me see that. What? You think that looks like me?
Black woman: No, no, he looks like what’s-his-name, you know, the guy who played him in the movie.
Black man: Oh! Shit, I thought you said ‘he looks like you, playa.’
Black woman: Are you crazy?
Black man: He does dress like a nigga, though.

–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Beeeej

Posted on November 12, 2006
About Celebrities, Black People, Books & Writing, Movies, Race, Store, Stupidity

I’m Not Sure She Wants to Weigh in on whether You Should Get Your Pubes Shaved Into a Heart or a Star

Queer #1: I totally wish I knew Madonna right now.
Queer #2: Why?
Queer #1: I would totally go over to her apartment right now and talk to her about these things.
Queer #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.

–West Village

Overheard by: Rachel Rockafella