Crazy guy: Do you see what I put up with? That’s it, it’s over. We have not had sex in ten years. She says she don’t need it…Then I have to sleep with nigger whores. That’s right, Joan, I said it. I sleep with nigger whores, even some white whores. That’s the only way I can get off now.
–Da Andrea, Hudson Street
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, all cars on this train are going to final destination: Parkchester. All cars will be making all stops.
–6 train
Newspaper vendor: Yo! Suits! Go get me that deal…or else! I mean right now, go get it done!
–41st & 6th
Overheard by: M. Hutchinson
Tourist on cell: Of course I know where we are. We’re near Broadway Street. No, no, wait. Broadway Avenue.
–57th & Broadway
Overheard by: Karyn Regal
Petitioner: Please help us save the filibuster!
–West 66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Subway salesman: …and thank you for helping me keep a roof over my head. I mean three roofs: I live in the basement.
–Q train
Metro New York guy: Free paper! Get your free paper!…Man, I’m sick of this shit.
–Union Square
Metro New York guy: Shit, man, I’m tired of sayin’ this!…Okay, fine. Good mornin’. Good mornin’. Shit.
–Park Place station
Tourist: So where is Central Park?
Girl: Uhm, right there. (points)
Tourist: Ah! That would explain why that big space has no lights…
–Rockefeller Observation Deck
Overheard by: Bre
Hipster: I really have to pee.
Random passerby: Pssssss!
–Whitehall Station
Rushed New Yorker shoving through tour group: Excuse me, excuse me…
Tour guide: Don't worry, folks, most New Yorkers aren't this rude.
Rushed New Yorker: Screw you! Yes we are, that's what everybody loves about us.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: I agree
Local girl: So, how do you like New York?!
Tourist friend, disgusted: Everyone here is ugly and foreign.
–Herald’s Square
Tourist mom: Excuse me, miss, do you know how to get back to Manhattan?
Hipster girl: I’m sorry, I don’t really have the energy to give you fake directions right now.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Headline by: null
Runners-Up:
· “…Between the emphysema from the clove cigarettes and the anemia from cutting myself.” – invisible girl
· “And if I give real ones, I lose my hipster certification” – AmyS
· “But for $5, I’ll Pretend to Mock Your Fat Children” – Debra, the Barmaid Blog
· “I’m saving it all for defending my bitchy ass in Brooklyn” – knumb
· “When in doubt, Swim” – 6th Floor Blogger
Guy: How do you get to Astor Place?
Old man: You go up 2 blocks, make a left, then go fuck yourself.
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: andy
Confused tourist: Excuse me, can you help us? We're trying to get to New York.
New Yorker: You are in New York.
Confused tourist: I'm sorry, I meant New York City.
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Outraged Brooklynite
Tourist dressed like biker: Excuse me, do you know where the dancing monkeys are?
New Yorker: (silence)
Tourist: Dancing monkeys?
New Yorker: You're in New York, they're on every street corner.
–Broadway & White
