Tourist: So where is Central Park?
Girl: Uhm, right there. (points)
Tourist: Ah! That would explain why that big space has no lights…
–Rockefeller Observation Deck
Overheard by: Bre
Tourist: So where is Central Park?
Girl: Uhm, right there. (points)
Tourist: Ah! That would explain why that big space has no lights…
–Rockefeller Observation Deck
Overheard by: Bre
Hipster: I really have to pee.
Random passerby: Pssssss!
–Whitehall Station
Rushed New Yorker shoving through tour group: Excuse me, excuse me…
Tour guide: Don't worry, folks, most New Yorkers aren't this rude.
Rushed New Yorker: Screw you! Yes we are, that's what everybody loves about us.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: I agree
Local girl: So, how do you like New York?!
Tourist friend, disgusted: Everyone here is ugly and foreign.
–Herald’s Square
Tourist mom: Excuse me, miss, do you know how to get back to Manhattan?
Hipster girl: I’m sorry, I don’t really have the energy to give you fake directions right now.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Headline by: null
Runners-Up:
· “…Between the emphysema from the clove cigarettes and the anemia from cutting myself.” – invisible girl
· “And if I give real ones, I lose my hipster certification” – AmyS
· “But for $5, I’ll Pretend to Mock Your Fat Children” – Debra, the Barmaid Blog
· “I’m saving it all for defending my bitchy ass in Brooklyn” – knumb
· “When in doubt, Swim” – 6th Floor Blogger
Guy: How do you get to Astor Place?
Old man: You go up 2 blocks, make a left, then go fuck yourself.
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: andy
Confused tourist: Excuse me, can you help us? We're trying to get to New York.
New Yorker: You are in New York.
Confused tourist: I'm sorry, I meant New York City.
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Outraged Brooklynite
Tourist dressed like biker: Excuse me, do you know where the dancing monkeys are?
New Yorker: (silence)
Tourist: Dancing monkeys?
New Yorker: You're in New York, they're on every street corner.
–Broadway & White
Woman #1: You ever just have one of those days?
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: I’m having a whole week. I swear to god. And I just walked here from…Oh, forget it.
Woman #2: Oh.
Woman #1: And now I can’t even find my makeup! I swear to god, if they don’t have it, I’m gonna fucking…I don’t know!…I’ll fucking kill a tourist!
Woman #2: Oh, I hope it’s not me!…Ha, ha, ha!
5 minutes later.
Woman #2: That’s her! That’s her! That’s the New Yorker who cursed at me and threatened me!
Woman #3: It’s like seeing one in their natural habitat! I can’t wait to tell everyone a real New Yorker threatened you!
Woman #2: I know! It’s awesome!
–Sephora, Broadway between 43rd & 44th
Overheard by: Non-Bitchy New Yorker
Local: Where you do want to go today, Mom?
Tourist mom: I don’t know. A museum?
Local: We always go to a museum when you visit. Let’s try a new one this time. We haven’t been to the Guggenheim. The Museum of Sex is interesting.
Tourist mom: Museum of what? Museum of Sex? They have that here?! Please tell me you don’t go there. Do you go to church these days? Hmmm? Do they have churches in this city?!
–Union Square Park
