Tourists: What the Fuck?!

Old lady with heavy accent, pointing to closed store: What’s that?
Young lady: I’m not sure.
Old lady: Is that a pahwn shop?
Young lady, startled: No, that looks like a pawn shop…
Old lady: That’s what I said — a pahwn shop.
Young lady, relieved: Ohhh, I thought you said ‘porn shop’!
Old lady: No, I said ‘pahwn,’ not ‘pahwn.’
Young lady: Oh, you say them exactly the same!
Old lady: I do?
Young lady: Yeah! Say ‘aw.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: Now say ‘or.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: No, it’s orrr. With an R.
Old lady: That’s what I said — ‘ahw.’

–M20 bus, near 34th & 8th

Overheard by: trying not to laugh too hard

Posted on May 10, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, On the Bus, Words

Notice: This City No Longer Accepts the Good Wishes of Outsiders

Drunk Long Islander: Happy Fourth of July, New York City!
Old lady: It’s tomorrow, retard. Go back to Jersey.

–87th & 5th

Overheard by: Hunter North

Posted on May 9, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Drunks, Ew, Jersey, Holidays, Old People, Upper East Side

At the Israel-Hezbollah Peace Talks

Woman: Man, don’t you fucking fall on me!
Queer: I didn’t fall on you. [under his breath] Idiot.
Woman: You the fuckin’ idiot, fuckin’ idiot.
Big guy: You see that? You see how quickly that escalated? All because of courtesy. That guy couldn’t even apologize.
Queer: I didn’t fall on her; she’s just being retarded.
Woman: You a fuckin’ retard!
Big guy: I love this city.

–Downtown 1 train

Posted on May 9, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compliments, Insults, On the Subway

Now What About the Statute of Librarians?

Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it's on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.

–Uptown 5 Train

Posted on April 30, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Directions, Girls, Guys, Insults, Language Barrier, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Maybe We Should Be More Specific With Our Tags

Lady #1: I don’t care what anyone thinks!
Lady #2: Yeah!
Lady #1: I like watermelon!
Lady #2: I hear ya! We can eat whatever we want!

–Central Park

Overheard by: ashley

Posted on April 26, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Central Park, Eating Out, Food

Right Before the Cautionary Chapter About Frosted Tips

Guy: I love porn. I've got XTube bookmarked.
Slightly older guy: You're a gay man in New York: of course you love porn. It's in the rulebook.

–42nd St, near Broadway

Posted on April 23, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Only in New York, Porn

No Worries– It Happens All the Time.

Man with joint: Hey lady, wanna get high?
Girl: What are you, a freak? Don't bother me, asshole.
Man: No, I'm a dope dealer.
Girl: Oh, sorry, I thought you wanted a date. I'll take two dimes.

–7th & Bleecker

Posted on April 22, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Apologies, Druggies, Smoking, The Village, Weed

He and the Mattress Giant are Getting Married in Central Park

Male worker: He isn’t here today.
Woman worker: But I need him!
Man worker: But Mr. Clean ain’t here today!
Woman worker whining: When?
Man worker: Not today!

–Electra Building

Posted on April 17, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Blue-collar workers, Buildings, Men, Questions, Talking/Convos, Time, Wishes & desires, Women

Then How Can I Be a Jerk Off, Brainiac?

Man #1, annoyed at being pushed: You don't have to push!
Man #2: Well, it was really crowded.
Woman: Welcome to New York!
Man #1, to woman: Your mother!
Woman: That's mature! What are you, in the 5th grade? Grow up, jerk-off!
Man #1: Suck my dick!
Woman: You don't got one, honey!

–F Train

Overheard by: Alliem

Posted on April 15, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Insults, Men, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penis, Public Transportation, Violence, Women

Inner Peace Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Woman #1: Ma’am, could you please move your bag so I could sit down?
Woman #2: No, can’t you see I’m busy, bitch? And I’m not movin this fuckin’ thing. It’s heavy and I don’t want to pick it up again! Sit somewhere else.

She goes back to reading Jesus and Mary: The Key to Divine Love and Inner Peace.

–149th St station downtown platform

Posted on April 14, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Biotechs, Etiquette, Only in New York, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Ahhh! Real New Yorkers