Drunk Guy #1: You’re gonna charge me a dollar for just one cigarette?
Drunk Guy #2: You think I’m gonna fucking give you change?
–46th St. & 8th Ave.
Overheard by: Ryan
Man on cell: I’m going to buy a pack of cigarettes. I’m dying here, you’re literally killing me.
–3rd Ave. & 12th St.
Overheard by: Este Bagato
A dog pees on a hipster’s leg.
Hipster: Dude! That is so not cool!
–McGolrick Park, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
Chick: I don’t get Spanish guys. They compliment you every time you pass them. They always say things like, “You have beautiful legs, in my country it is an honor for a woman to be told she has beautiful legs”. Well, you’re in NY now, honey, and I’m a bitch!
–5th Ave. & 82nd St.
Player: Excuse me miss, you’re even better looking than J. Lo. Can I have your autograph?
–Fulton Street mall
Hobo: Hey, you a pretty lady. You married?…I got food stamps!
–Astoria
Overheard by: mj
Mouhbreather: Ralph, what time is 19?
Ralph: 7.
Mouthbreather: 7? Damn.
—-Quizno’s, King’s Highway & Coney Island Ave.
Martha Stewart is on a tabloid cover.
Hipster: Did you know she’s now on that Forbes list?
Sunglasses at night girl: The one with rich people?
Hipster: Yes.
Sunglasses at night girl: She’s not even a movie star.
–Key Foods, Williamsburg
Waiter #1: Sit anywhere you’d like.
Guy: Thanks.
Waiter #2 diverts him to a small table in an occupied section.
Guy: So by “anywhere you’d like” you guys meant this exact table.
Waiter #2: Thank you.
–Clark’s, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: TG
Guy #1: Dude, I think you have a porn addition.
Guy #2: 5 gigabytes is not an addiction!
–Midwood Public Library
Overheard by: Roman S
Woman #1: I told my family that if I get old and can’t take care of myself to hire me a…
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: … a young, good-looking boy.
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: Specifically for the purpose of giving me a sponge bath.
Woman #2: I have a funny story about that.
–Park Plaza Diner, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: TG
Student: It’s not computers that’s fucking you up, it’s General Hospital.
–Pratt dorm, Willoughby Avenue
Overheard by: Eric Wrenn
Girl, 7: Sometimes, I wonder: who really did kill Kenny?
–M79 bus
