Brooklyn

A Russian lady mutters to herself: I want to be at the front of the line so I can pick my seat, I’m not sitting by some fat, smelly person.

She tries to cut to the front of the line, unsuccessfully.

Russian lady: I was here the whole time! I was standing right next to this lady!
This lady: No, she wasn’t.
Conductor: You better get to the back of the line, ma’am.
Russian lady: But I was here the whole time! Where’s your manager? I want to talk to the manager!
Conductor: Please step to the back of the line, you’ve gotta wait in line like everyone else.
Russian lady: I know what your problem is! I bet you don’t like white people!

Everyone else in line burst out laughing, and she was escorted away by security.

–Port Authority

Woman: Well, at least the Mexicans are friendly and they’re always working. Unlike those goddamn Russians! You know what I mean!

–Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Drunk Guy #1: You’re gonna charge me a dollar for just one cigarette?
Drunk Guy #2: You think I’m gonna fucking give you change?

–46th St. & 8th Ave.

Overheard by: Ryan

Man on cell: I’m going to buy a pack of cigarettes. I’m dying here, you’re literally killing me.

–3rd Ave. & 12th St.

Overheard by: Este Bagato

A dog pees on a hipster’s leg.

Hipster: Dude! That is so not cool!

–McGolrick Park, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Didi Hylobates

Chick: I don’t get Spanish guys. They compliment you every time you pass them. They always say things like, “You have beautiful legs, in my country it is an honor for a woman to be told she has beautiful legs”. Well, you’re in NY now, honey, and I’m a bitch!

–5th Ave. & 82nd St.

Player: Excuse me miss, you’re even better looking than J. Lo. Can I have your autograph?

–Fulton Street mall

Hobo: Hey, you a pretty lady. You married?…I got food stamps!

–Astoria

Overheard by: mj

Mouhbreather: Ralph, what time is 19?
Ralph: 7.
Mouthbreather: 7? Damn.

—-Quizno’s, King’s Highway & Coney Island Ave.

Jogger Guy: This is totally just a warmup for a night of hot bondage sex.
Jogger Girl: I know!

–President and Court St.

Overheard by: Todd Martin

Martha Stewart is on a tabloid cover.

Hipster: Did you know she’s now on that Forbes list?
Sunglasses at night girl: The one with rich people?
Hipster: Yes.
Sunglasses at night girl: She’s not even a movie star.

–Key Foods, Williamsburg

Waiter #1: Sit anywhere you’d like.
Guy: Thanks.

Waiter #2 diverts him to a small table in an occupied section.

Guy: So by “anywhere you’d like” you guys meant this exact table.
Waiter #2: Thank you.

–Clark’s, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: TG

Guy #1: Dude, I think you have a porn addition.
Guy #2: 5 gigabytes is not an addiction!

–Midwood Public Library

Overheard by: Roman S

Woman #1: I told my family that if I get old and can’t take care of myself to hire me a…
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: … a young, good-looking boy.
Woman #2: A male nurse.
Woman #1: Specifically for the purpose of giving me a sponge bath.
Woman #2: I have a funny story about that.

–Park Plaza Diner, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: TG