Compare/Contrast

NewsFlash: Crackhead Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.

Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I'm harassing you because you're white and I'm black.
Girl on train: I'm not white, okay? I'm not white, stop looking at me. I don't look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I'm not into fat girls, so I'll look somewhere else. I'm not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I'm into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?

–Downtown 2 Train

New Car Buyers Have Higher Standards Than Ever Before

Girl #1: Overpriced, and totally not worth it.
Girl #2: But does it come with a vibrator?

–43rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Taylor

…Douchebag.

Judge, at conclusion of trial: Well, I must say I was very impressed with the quality of the attorneys for both sides. It's extremely unusual and refreshing to see attorneys acting like lawyers.
Attorney: I would suggest, your honor, that it would be more accurate to say that it is unusual and refreshing to see attorneys not acting like lawyers.
Judge: Point well taken.

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

New York: Encapsulated.

Shrimpy guy, singing: Summertiiiiiime, and the livin' is easy…
Black guy: Man, the sons be actin' like daughters and the daughters be actin' like sons!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Porgy

And I'm Still Smarter Than You. That's Gotta Burn

Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded.

–87th & East End

Overheard by: Sophie

Ever Since I Accidentally Tripped Over Them

Tall girl: I think I saw his brother in the chorus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There's four of them. And they're all beautiful. It's so not fair. I'm weird-looking and, according to my grandma, my brother looks like the love child of Jake Gyllenhaal and Sanjay Gupta.
Tall girl: And your parents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can't believe you remember that.

–Downtown 1 Train

Isn’t That Sweet?

[Skinny girl takes box of equal out of her pocket and puts half the packages in her coffee.]Friend: What are you doing? You’re going to get cancer!
Equal girl: Yeah, but I won’t get fat.

–Starbucks

How Good Could Its Best Be?

Comedy flyer guy: Come see a comedy show, best in the city!
Thug, passing by quickly: I hate this fuckin city.

–Times Square

Overheard by: CF

Eh, the Japanese Are the White People of Asia

Asian girl: Let’s get sushi.
Asian guy: I don’t like sushi.
Asian girl: You don’t like sushi? What kind of Asian are you?
Asian guy: Chinese.
Asian girl: But there’s even white people who like sushi!

–NYU

Overheard by: I like sushi

She's Perfect for Fox News

Yuppie #1: So Sarah Palin came into my office for a photo shoot the other day.
Yuppie #2: Really? Is she hot?
Yuppie #1: She is so fucking hot.
Yuppie #2: But politically she's a dolt.
Yuppie #1: Oh, of course.

–MoMA

Overheard by: The Phantom of the Art Museum

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