Wednesday One-Liners Will Slap You Like a Red-Headed Stepchild

Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.

–A Bus

Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.

–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!

–139th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!

–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Got Knocked Out

Posted on October 22, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Bus, Couples, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Punch, Subway conductors, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Relax, It's Just Appendicitis

20-something girlfriend: Ooh, I just got a sharp pain in my stomach.
20-something boyfriend (angrily): Why'd you hold your doody in!

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Twiggy

Posted on October 13, 2008
Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Poop, Questions, Sensory Experiences

Nobody's Snugger Than a Bugger in a Rugger

Shady guy rolling an oriental rug on a hand truck: New rug! Good price I give you!
Couple standing outside: Nah, that's okay.
Shady guy: It's brand new! You can make love on it!

–Madison Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Marie Z.

Posted on October 2, 2008
Advice, Couples, Default, Guys, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Sex, Vendors & Street Performers

And All That Blue

WASP to stodgy husband, after Blue Man Group performance: So how'd you like it?
Stodgy husband (grunting): Fine, except for the excessive noise.

–Astor Theatre, SoHo

Overheard by: ysabet

Posted on September 21, 2008
Couples, Default, Gripes, Men, Questions, Soho, Theater & Dance, White People, Women

Robot: Danger, Will Robinson!

Man: I love you…you know.
Woman: Well then, you'll buy me something expensive.

–Outside Paul Smith Shop

Overheard by: Liam Shove

Posted on August 30, 2008
Couples, Default, Love, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Store, Women

That's What I Asked for at the Salon

Boyfriend: No, seriously, you have the vagina of a nine-year-old girl.
Girlfriend (flattered): Thank you!

–72nd St

Overheard by: Dubjay

Posted on August 18, 2008
Age/Aging, Boyfriends, Compliments, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Vagina, Weirdness

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner!

Young mother: Yeah, she still talks like a baby. She still talkin' baby talk. Her favorite word is "bitch."

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Black chick on phone: So I asked that bitch and she said he's gonna be in the Special Olympics in Secaucus.

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jake

Conductor over PA system: Don't hold the doors, bitches!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Ghetto boyfriend to ghetto girlfriend: You know… You know that I luh' you, but I just wanna know, why you don't luh' me? Why, bitch, why?!

–Broadway & Canal

Overheard by: Aviva

Man on cell: It was a bad bitch? …a bad bitch?

–37th & Broadway

Girl to friend: …so then the guy turns the fuck around during "Chim chiminey" and just loses his shit on those two old bitches.

–24th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Viv

Posted on August 13, 2008
Babies, Black People, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Couples, Ghetto Chicks, Girlfriends, Girls, Insults, Love, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Shoes, Singing, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Oh Look, There's the Three-Headed Dog!

Tourist husband, as train stops: 14th Street.
Tourist wife, smiling delightedly: Exactly like it says on the map!

–A Train

Overheard by: Theresa

Posted on August 10, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Default, Directions, On the Subway, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

…Actually, No, That's a Lie

Girlfriend: Why do you always lie to me?
Boyfriend: Because it is the only way you will take me seriously!

–Plaza Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: roux42

Posted on August 8, 2008
Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Lies, Questions

[title Of Show] Is Even a Dumpy Title

Old obnoxious wife: Why is this set so dumpy? It's not a real set.
Old obnoxious husband: I think it might be ironic… It says “Look! We're on Broadway with a dumpy set!”
Young obnoxious girl in front of them (obviously a fan of the show): That's kind of the point. It's four chairs and a keyboard. And that's all they need to be successful. If you pay attention to the show, you'll find this out.
Old obnoxious husband: Oh, well… that's… poetic.
Old obnoxious wife: It's still dumpy!

–Lyceum Theatre, W 45th St

Posted on August 8, 2008
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Couples, Default, Girls, Gripes, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Theater, Theater & Dance

Couples