Little girl: Daddy! Why can’t I try? Why can’t I ride it?
Dad, on mini-bike: Because I’m God, and God says so.
–72nd & 5th
Overheard by: better off agnostic
Little girl: Daddy! Why can’t I try? Why can’t I ride it?
Dad, on mini-bike: Because I’m God, and God says so.
–72nd & 5th
Overheard by: better off agnostic
Fat kid: Can we take the elevator?
Dad: No, Charlie, come up the stairs.
Fat kid: But this is IMPOSSIBLE!
Dad: No, it isn’t impossible. Now move up the stairs.
–Subway, Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rita
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a lot of responsibilities being a single dad. I got three kids… I have a lot of responsibilities taking care of them. I see them every three weeks in Buffalo.
Guy #2: Yeah.
–63rd & 1st
Overheard by: Mr. Rictus
Girl on cell: Mom, are you drunk at Wal-Mart again?
–86th & Lex
Drunk man: I can’t believe they took Ray’s fucking Pizza out of the Ferry Terminal. How am I supposed to sober up before I go home now?
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Drunk guy: I have to move down to this end of the train because, if I don’t, I’m gonna hit that motherfucker down there. I know I only want to hit him because I’ve been drinking. If I wasn’t drinking, he wouldn’t bother me. If I had been drinking more, I’d just hit him. But right now I’m caught in a strange netherworld and I’ll just chill down here.
–1 train
Overheard by: Susan Elliott
Guy on cell: What? That ungrateful, lying bitch. I can drink more Jack through my dick than he could spill on a table!
–Times Square
Guy: Man, I don’t care if they call Protective Services on me. When my kid turns ten, I’ll be like, “You’re ready. Let’s go get hammered.” No fuckin’ way I’m waiting ’til he’s eleven.
–7th St & 2nd Ave
50-Something guy on cell: Yeah, I just spoke to Kate, and everything is wonderful. The liquor stores are open, and people are riding bicycles.
–1st Ave between 9th & 10th
Overheard by: LiAps
Enemy of Bill W.: If we pass a bar, do you guys mind stopping? I just need it chug a beer. It will literally take me 4 seconds.
–3rd St & 1st Ave
Father: Look at that sign. What do you think mela means?
Son: I don’t know.
Father: Look at the picture.
Son: Oh, apple! So it’s, like, an Applebee’s?
–Little Italy
Father, to son washing hands after peeing: Come on, son. Don’t waste water.
–Universal Artists Theater, Staten Island
Overheard by: David
Little boy, looking at transvestite: Daddy, is that a boy or a girl?
Dad: It’s a boy.
Little boy: But boys don’t wear dresses!
Transvestite: Child, you got a lot to learn.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Jeremy
10-Year-Old boy, whining: But, Daaad, why not?!
Southern tourist dad: Because. And I told you before: we do not go in stores with names we can’t pronounce!
–56th & 6th
Overheard by: Karith
Girl #1: My dad bugs me, too. He’s always buying orange juice because it costs less than other juices.
Girl #2: I’m sorry.
Girl #1: Now I fucking hate orange juice. What the fuck is that about? Orange juice is like a cheap whore to me now.
–Upper West Side
Dad, to little boy holding on to chain-link fence: Get off of that! You can’t climb on that!
Son: But why?
Dad: Because it’s art! And I said so.
–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park, DUMBO
Overheard by: Lady
