15-year-old girl to little brother: Do you understand? This is not a joke. If you smear poop on my computer, I will shit in your bed every day for the next two weeks.
Little brother: Yes, I'm sorry.
–Central Park Bench
15-year-old girl to little brother: Do you understand? This is not a joke. If you smear poop on my computer, I will shit in your bed every day for the next two weeks.
Little brother: Yes, I'm sorry.
–Central Park Bench
Teen: Excuse me officer, do you guys still do that thing where you get a grand for turning in people with guns?
Cop: Yeah, if they are arrested and are in possession of illegal firearms.
Teen: So, is that like a grand per head kinda deal?
Officer: I don't think so, no.
Teen: Oh…I don't know shit. (walks away)
–Columbus Circle Station
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Distressed four-year-old: But why are you walking in front of me?
Father: Honey, I know you're the princess, but that doesn't mean I can't walk in front of you.
–101st & Amsterdam
Female coworker: I would pay for it.
Male coworker: You are paying for it, they're just not putting it in.
–16th & 5th
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
Frat boy #1: I feel like I just had sex.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, I know the feeling.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Commuter
Queer #1: Sometimes you remind me of Donny Osmond.
Queer #2: Sometimes you remind me of an asshole.
–NYU
Girl: Did you use a condom?
Boy: Nope.
Girl: You’re going to get an STD!
Boy: No, I'm not. It's okay.
Girl: That's what you said last time!
–Union Square
High school hipster #1: Dude, you know that guy Ray Simmons?
High school hipster #2: Who?
High school hipster #1: Ray Simmons, Ray Simmons. I dunno dude, the fucking guy from KISS.
High school hipster #3: Richard Simmons.
High school hipster #1: Yeah, that's it, Richard Simmons.
–Path Train to NYC
Overheard by: sweatin' to the oldies
Suit #1: I have to leave at five today.
Suit #2: Why?
Suit #1: I have to go to church.
Suit #2: Jesus Christ! I wish I was religious.
–New York Post
Three-year-old: I have a lot of M&Ms at mommy's house.
Dad: Yes, but you get more snacks at daddy's house.
–Path Train
Overheard by: Jatmos
