Queer: Excuse me, ma’am?
Chick: Yes?
Queer: Um, girl, it’s time for some new Uggs. I felt it was my gift to society to tell you.
Chick: Dude, put your fag card down and start worrying about something else.
–Spring & Mercer
Queer: Excuse me, ma’am?
Chick: Yes?
Queer: Um, girl, it’s time for some new Uggs. I felt it was my gift to society to tell you.
Chick: Dude, put your fag card down and start worrying about something else.
–Spring & Mercer
Teen girl #1: Ew, foreskin, like why? Get circumcised. Clean it up.
Teen girl #2: Seriously. Right. Oh god I’d never go down on a guy with foreskin, not even the guy I’m marrying.
Teen girl #1: I’d be like, take care of it and then talk to me.
Teen girl #2: Seriously.
–47th St & 21st Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Thankfully Circumcised
Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?
Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!
–M104 Bus
Overheard by: Samantha
Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!
–Bergdorf Goodman
Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.
–Borders, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?
Wannabe fashionista on cell: Yeah, so I have to walk the red carpet. What? No . . . My feet are trashed, but how much walking will I actually have to do? . . . What, Mom, stop it! I was trying on gowns the other day. But I have to find a smaller one. Yeah, they were too big. . . No, Mom! What do you think my job was when I was in PR, borrowing gowns from stars?
–Starbucks, 21st & 7th
Teen girl #1: I have worn this shirt three times in my entire life, and every time I do she wears the exact same one.
Teen girl #2: That’s because she’s a slut.
–Poly Prep Country Day School, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Casey Ross
Drunk guy #1: You know Fabrizio is banging Heather, right?
Drunk guy #2: No, really?
Drunk guy #1: Yeah, he’s bangin’ the shit out of her — throwing her around the room and shit.
Drunk guy #2: Hehehe.
Drunk guy #1: He had her at her parents’ house and went for six hours non-stop.
Drunk guy #2: Wow.
Drunk guy #1: Of course, he’s 23 years old. For me to go six hours non-stop I need a little blue help. You know, some blue help — especially with all the stuff I do [holds hand up to nose simulating doing a bump], y’know what I mean? [Suddenly turns to lady with Lord & Taylor bag] Lord and Taylor — that place is the best. It’s just like Neiman Marcus, but for a hundred bucks more you get a cappuccino and a shoe shine. It’s worth it, right?
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: Leticia
Bag lady: Girl, you be’s so rich you got diamonds on yo’ socks.
Chick: They’re not diamonds, they’re argyle.
–C train
Girl: Ugh. I hate rude people!
Boy: Umm…you're wearing sunglasses indoors.
Girl: That's not rude, that's pretentious.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: steph
Girl: He wears Timberlands.
Guy: Is he black?
Girl: No, He’s Irish.
–48th & 7th
Overheard by: Harmony
Professor: In this court case the Kitty Kat Lounge challenged a state law demanding that dancers wear pasties and a G-string while dancing.
Queer: What is a pasty exactly?
Professor: Who here has experience with pasties?
Frat boy: They are minuscule little stickers that cover the areolae.
Professor, laughing awkwardly: I’ve encountered these before. My girlfriend, when she doesn’t want to wear a bra or whatever but doesn’t want her nipples to show, has worn these… And this was my first encounter with pasties.
–Silver Building, NYU
