Foreigners

Dude: It weirds me out when deaf people can talk.

–Bryant Park

Chick: There’s a house, and he grew up in that house, and now he lives in that house. How weird. How local.

–N train, Queens

Overheard by: Morgan

Guy: I want a giant tattoo of Weird Al and Thomas Dolby shaking hands.

–Bar, Lower East Side

Hipster on cell: Is wanting a bed-and-breakfast, a weed garden, and a forest full of Thai tranny fawns so fucking weird?

–Houston and Elizabeth

Girl: So we were at her house the other day smoking pot, and I was like, ‘This pot tastes weird.’ And I asked John if it tasted weird and he said, ‘Yeah, it does.’ So I asked her if she had been using her crack pipe to smoke pot out of again and she said, ‘Oops.’

–20th St & 8th Ave

Bright-purple-mohawk guy to shaved-head girl with multiple nose piercings: Your best friend is so weird!

–12th St & University Pl

Overheard by: Joe

Suit on cell: Yeah, it’s kind of weird dating my sister.

–33rd & 7th

Young woman: Hey, would you like to sign up and register to vote?
Man: No, thanks. I’m an illegal alien.

–Grand Concourse, the Bronx

Overheard by: BobbyD

Lady carrying box: What brings you to the city?
British woman: We’re here looking at schools.
Lady carrying box: Well, are you concerned about electromagnetic fields?

–New Yorker Hotel elevator

Overheard by: Alyssa

French woman: You like men?
French man: Yes.
French woman: That means you are gay?
French man: Yes.
French woman: There must be a defect in your genes.

–7th Ave & 35th St

Guy accepting donations: Help feed the homeless! Even terrorists can help feed the homeless!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: sugar ray mcgrath

Hobo: If you see an unattended bag or package, please report it to the nearest New York Police Officer or MTA worker. If one is not around, tell me. I’ll open that shit up.

–4 train, Fulton St

Overheard by: Laura

Hobo, to tourist family taking group photo: Terrorist! Terrorist! Terrorist!

–C Train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Barry P.

British tourist: But there were two Empire State buildings, right? That fell?

–WTC site

Overheard by: J Bird

Girl: Last night, I was so drunk I forgot about 9/11.

–NYU

Overheard by: Bronwyn

Lady to nervous woman: Can I ask you a question? I ain’t a terrorist or nothin’. I’m from New Haven.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fudd

British bloke: You mean they don’t have any missiles here, in Manhattan?

–Grand & Broadway

Overheard by: jcm

Woman: Oh, would you like to get by?
Japanese tourist: Yes, thank you.
Woman: You’re very welcome…[to friend] Got that bitch outta my hair.

–Century 21

Woman: Do you know what time it is?
Japanese tourist: Yes.

–S train, Grand Central

Overheard by: Tarzan

Woman #1: I call her a dirty slag, she calls me a fat cow. You know.
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: But she says it in the most proper British accent, so I don’t really mind.
Woman #2: Yeah, if I’m insulted in a foreign language, what do I care?

–13th & 7th

English girl: The Strokes could do anything and be hot.
Friend: Yeah.
English girl: Even, like… hmm, I was going to say even if they were having a gay orgy, but —
Friend: That would be hot anyway!
English girl: Yeah! So they’d still be hot even if they…
Friend: Were peeing.

–MAC, Spring St

Old-School Italian man: So you got a dog?
Old-School Italian lady: I got a French bulldog. The fuckin’ yuppies love it. They come up to me and go, “Oohh, is that a Frenchie?” That’s why I got him.

–D’Amico Foods, Court St, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: A Yuppie at the next table