Wednesday Just Can’t Commit to a One-Liner

Mid-20s girl: I never date a guy who gets more than three questions wrong on the SATs. I don’t plan it, it just works out that way.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Limey

Hipster on cell: I went through this time when I was like, ‘I could have 800 girlfriends at the same time and just not tell them about each other.’ That was much easier…

–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Guy pointing to nothing in particular on the sidewalk: Uh, dude, you dropped your girlfriend.

–Times Square

Overheard by: christine

Muslim woman in full abaya, dragging husband along: Right now I need to focus on my needs. Do you hear me? This is about my needs!

–Atlantic Ave, in front of Brooklyn Heights YMCA

Man to woman on the sidewalk: Well, we had our one, but it wasn’t so much a fight as it was a mini-series.

–12th, between 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Karen

Girl: My asshole boyfriend! I was just staying with him until Valentine’s Day so that I could get a present, and tomorrow he’s history! But then I didn’t even get that!

–NYU Silver Center

Posted on March 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Dating, Default, Education, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Holidays, Islam, Lies, Men, NYU, Promiscuity, Relationships, Street, The Village, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Washington Square Park, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Dirty Job, but Somebody’s Gotta Do Them

Conductor: Attention, everyone, we are not interviewing for train conductors! Stop trying to control the doors — that’s my job. We are, however, seeking passengers. Please enter the train and sit down to be interviewed for that position.

–1 train, 125th St

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Clearly intoxicated girl: I decided to go from working to doing a lot of drugs…

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: ADA

20-something: You know, I’m just lucky I have a job at all! I mean, I did go to state school!

–Morton & Hudson

Overheard by: Sam

Emo teen, running taking pictures: See, this is why I got fired from American Apparel — because I would come into work acting like this!

–Vanessa’s Dumplings, E 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Maggie Elisabeth

Lady on a Bluetooth: Girl, you’ve got CEO dreams with a McDonald’s work ethic.

–W 60th St, between Columbus & Broadway

Loud man to loud friends: It was just him running around getting punched in his codpiece and yelling, ‘You killed my father.’ Yeah, I think he has a new job now.

–109th & Amsterdam

Posted on March 26, 2008
Abortion, Balls, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Druggies, Drugs, Education, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Punch, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Subway conductors, Teens, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Or at Least Have Your Tubes Tied

Chick #1: … But think about it — if we have so many bananas, like, in the supermarket and everything, then where are all the monkeys?
Chick #2: You are so right.
Chick #1: I mean, it’s true — shouldn’t they be here, where the bananas are?
Chick #2: That is so deep.
Chick #1: We should stop smoking weed.

–69th & CPW

Posted on March 25, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Druggies, Friends, Fruit, Girls, Philosophy, Questions, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

A Neighborhood Where Santa Breaks in through a Window

DVD salesman: I couldn’t give you a better deal if I slid down the chimney.
Little girl, whispering glumly: But we don’t have a chimney.

–A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: VassarBoy

Posted on March 25, 2008
Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Default, Girls, Holidays, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Vendors & Street Performers

I Told You Not to Tell Me!

Guy: Please do not tell me you took a shit in this cup.
Girl: We can wash it out.

–74th & Columbus

Posted on March 24, 2008
Default, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Kink, Offers and requests, Poop, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Either Way, a Digital Record of Our Ass-Kicking Will Be Helpful in Court

Tourist girl: Oh, crap, is that Rosie O’Donnell over there?! [Whips out phone camera.]Tourist guy: Well, it’s either her, or a 300-pound biker with a bad haircut.

–34th & Broadway

Posted on March 24, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Street, Tourists

Warning to All Swimmers: Today’s Riptide is Supersonic

Loud girl #1: I lost my sandals at the beach!
Loud girl #2: Oh my God, now it’s probably floating somewhere in the Pacific Ocean!

–Bay Terrace Shopping Center, Queens

Overheard by: doesn’t anybody pay attention in global anymo

Posted on March 24, 2008
Default, Fears, Girls, Global Geography, Idiots, Malls, Queens, Shoes, Stupidity, U.S. Geography

He Was Hoping for Some Insider Knowledge

Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?

–Elevator, 101st & Broadway

Posted on March 23, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Elevators, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness

Despite That, the Punch to the Jaw Came As a Surprise

Tourist woman: How do I get to Times Square?
Skinny blonde: Take a train as far north as possible.
Asian male passerby: You do not want to do that.
Tourist woman: Why do New Yorkers always lie?!
Skinny blonde: I’m not from here. I live in L.A. Everyone there lies.
Tourist woman: So how do you know where to go?
Skinny blonde: We’re all psychic, too.

–42nd & 8th

Posted on March 23, 2008
Advice, Asians, Default, Girls, Lies, Men, Port Authority, Psychic, Public Transportation, Questions, Skinny People, Tourism, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Women

His Mistake Was Getting Married on the Day the Witness Protection Program People Re-up.

Harried groom, shouting: Is there anyone here who has a valid ID who can be a witness for my wedding ceremony?!
Guy on line: Sure, I’ll do it. [Turns to woman at the window.] Wait, can I be a witness for this guy and still be a witness for them back there?
Woman at window: Um, no.
Harried groom: Is there anyone here who has a valid ID who isn’t already a witness who can be a witness for my wedding ceremony?!

–Marriage license office, County Clerk, Brooklyn

Overheard by: fiancee of the guy who ended up witnessing

Posted on March 23, 2008
Brooklyn, Clerks, Default, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Offers and requests, Questions, Women

Girls