Girls

Annoyed white girl: That cop with the flashlight was, like, shining it on my ass! So I was like, ‘Stop! I know my congressional rights, bitch!’

–Bus from Live Earth to Port Authority

Overheard by: Kevin

20-ish guy on cell: Yeah… Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn’t get my money! Ma… Yeah, Ma, you know I don’t care!

–Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker

Overheard by: The Simian Space Man

Conductor over intercom: Either we can have a peaceful ride uptown, or the police can ride with us. You decide [laughs maniacally].

–2 train

Overheard by: Ladle

[Hippie on bicycle loses concentration and crashes into lamppost.]

Cop in nearby squad car, over loudspeaker: Hahaha! Should’ve been more careful, or what?!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Susan Laura

Chick: So, I’m up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, ‘Okay, time to go!’ and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going ‘whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop’ — like, he’s making siren noises — and I turn around, and there’s this cop… I guess the siren on his cop car wasn’t working or something, so he’s on the loudspeaker mic yelling, ‘Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!’ as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

20-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city…

–Fulton St

Overheard by: other white girls

Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain’t nothin’ but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!

–Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Bubby

Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!

–PATH platform

Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I’m surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin’ at me… I dunno what they’re lookin’ at.

–JFK

Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway

Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that’s why I don’t like this show. I’ve got too much soul for this.

–Madison Square Garden

Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it’s something that’s taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist… but what’s up with white people?!

–D train

Girl #1: If I were pregnant, when would I start throwing up? I mean, like, where can I get an abortion? Will they tell my parents?
Girl #2: I don’t know. Why does everyone always ask me?
Boy: ‘Cause you’re a whore.

–6th & 2nd

Overheard by: kristin

Guy: Did you hear about that guy that fell from a 47th floor and survived?
Girl: No.
Guy: It’s crazy! The paramedics found him conscious, too.
Girl: Wow. Can you help me upload my Jingle Ball photos to my Kodak account?

–1500 Broadway

Suit to teen couple: You kids like drugs?
Girl: Um… Is that a trick question?

–Union Square

Headline by: MrCandey

Runners-Up:
· “Because I Only Trick for Cocaine” – ToddS
· “Like “Find America on a Map?” – Krisztina
· “Listen, Are You Getting In This Van Or What?” – gib
· “No, but Speak Closer to My Tie…” – Danny the Mullins
· “Worst Narc Ever” – samson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

20-ish girl, looking at armoire: You know what we could do with one of these? If you ever have kids and you don’t want to look at them, you can put them in one of these. [Friend laughs hysterically.] Oh my god, I’ve killed you.

–9th floor of Macy’s, Herald Square

Chick: I dunno, ever since 9/11, my period has been all off.
Guy: Really? You think the trade towers had something to do with it?
Chick: Yeah, I think so… Maybe because of all the dust in the air from the building or something.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Shalvi

Canadian girl, about Project Runway: It really irritates me every time she says ‘auf Wiedersehen.’ I mean, get over yourself.
American girl: Yeah, that’s how we feel every time you say ‘Kraft dinner.’

–1 train

Girl #1: How often do you get wet?
Girl #2: Oh my god, we’re in public!
Girl #1: Well, I was just wondering, because everybody back home thinks you’re such a slut!
Girl #2: Piss off! At least I’m not a fire crotch!
Girl #1: Don’t you ever call me that ever again, or I’ll delete you off my Top Eight on MySpace!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Andrew

Girl with big hair: It was absolutely crazy.
Friend: I bet it was.
Girl with big hair: It was so messed up. Seriously, it was totally banana-whacked.
Friend: She’s banana-whacked. She’s a banana-whacked slut.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Juliet