Guy: I don’t know if you believe in reincarnation or anything, but I just have this feeling that my mother and I have a lot of shit to work out. Maybe in my next life she’ll just be my cat or something.
Girl: What would you name her?
Guy: Pussy.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Redhead: When I was dying, I had a thing with monkeys.
Ponytail: Really? Monkeys?
Redhead: Yeah… they were everywhere!
–New Amici’s, 187th St, the Bronx
Guy: Why the fuck are you dating Jimmy?
Girl: ‘Cause he’s sweet and nice, unlike you.
Guy: But he’s Chinese.
Girl: So? Are you racist or something?
Guy: Nah… but Chinese dudes got some small-ass hamster dicks. I know he ain’t hittin’ that right.
–F train
Overheard by: Tupac
Girl #1: You wanna try some of my tuna roll?
Girl #2: No, that’s okay. I’ll just eat my box.
–Sushiya, 56th & 5th
Overheard by: Reina
Girl #1: I mean, don’t tell him I told you that. You can’t tell him I said anything, or he will flip his shit.
Girl #2: It’s Vagina Night!
–Rivington & Orchard
Suit: I’d leave my wife for her if her clit didn’t taste like a spicy tuna roll.
–Chambers & Broadway
Girl on cell: I don’t care how many fingers you put in her. Bottom line is, she didn’t blow you. So I win.
–Times Square
Overheard by: shap
Utilitarian guy: A blow job is better than no job.
–Sex Work Conference, The New School
Overheard by: wendy
Girl: $50 for a 2-minute bj? I’d do it. It takes me 8 hours to make $50. Shit.
–Queens bound F train
Overheard by: Marisa
Dude: So, did she orgasm in your mouth?
–219 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Hipster: I’m thinking of getting that little string thing attached to my tongue cut off so I can eat pussy better.
–Chinatown bus
Queer #1 to queer #2: Well if I’m not giving you head and you’re not giving me head then we’ve got a problem.
–Wachovia, 17th & 7th
Overheard by: Joanna
Little boy, looking at transvestite: Daddy, is that a boy or a girl?
Dad: It’s a boy.
Little boy: But boys don’t wear dresses!
Transvestite: Child, you got a lot to learn.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Jeremy
Queen #1: Where do you want to eat?
Queen #2: I don’t care. As long as there are no carbs, I’ll eat anything.
Queen #1: I know, let’s go there. [Points to Mexican place] You can have the beans and, ooh, they have the best corn. That’s a good carb.
Queen #2: Corn? I can’t have corn; I’m getting fucked tonight!
–51st & 9th
Girl: You know, when my dad was my age he was singing with a traveling choral group.
Guy: Oh really? I didn’t know that about your dad.
Girl: Yeah, the group performed, like, all over the world!
Guy: Really?
Girl: Well, I mean, like, all over Harlem.
–14th & 8th
Guy: Wow, a head on a stick! That’s so cute.
Girl: We should soo take a picture with it.
–Museum of Natural History
